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July 30th, 2013, 04:59 PM
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lily26 lily26 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
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Maybe I should have updated my other thread on this, but I figured I would let you know how things have been sorta going with my emotional issues, Maybe it'll help someone I don't know.

I went to my OB yesterday, for my physical. The ob was actually a resident, who was really sweet and it was her first day.. so I felt a little bad explaining my issues to her.

I told her I've been dealing with depression and anxiety that's been untreated for a long time. I also said that it has obviously worsened in pregnancy but I have really good days, and days that I don't want to get out of bed. She asked how many times a week I have bad days, and I said at least few days. I also admitted that I have been chasing away suicidal thoughts. That took alot to admit in person because other than my s/o I've never said the words outloud.

Saying that though, I think I may have accidently flagged myself as very high risk for the extereme ppd... because then she explained that sometimes, even though I right now have no intentions of actually hurting myself in extereme ppd it's hard to stop and I need to speak with a social worker nurse so I can get a crisis network of help together consisting of friends or family and professionals.

This scares the crap out of me. Here, you get assigned a public health nurse when you leave the hospital who has an in home visit with you... but if you're high risk for things like mood disorders, or on welfare etc.. they visit you more often then the one time.. I don't know I just feel like I did something wrong by admitting things.

I told her that my GP wanted me to go on extra vitamin D *2 pills a day as an alternative to anti depressants*. She doesn't think that it will help.. she did say that she will talk to the other OB that was on and ask if I can speak to a social worker about finding resources for counselling. I told her the only thing that has prevented me from getting counselling was the cost.

She did my exam and everything was good she said. The baby was actually measuring as per my ultrasound to Dec 16th instead of Dec 20th, but my due date is still the same. my bestfriend called December 15th aloong time ago, maybe she'll be right, I hope so! I'd rather not be in the hospital that close to christmas.
She walked in on me getting dressed, and was super embarrassed, but I was like erm, well it's not like you didn't just see it all lol.

So after my exam, the other ob came in the room and said I need to go down to ER and tell them you have suicidal thoughts so you can be seen by the psych nurse so she can go over resources. This sort of terrified me, he said that this can't be taken lightly and that he was glad that I was completely honest because alot of women are too afraid too especially while pregnant.

I ended up not going to the ER partly because I was having a "good day" and I don't entirely feel right about going there when it's not a real emergancy. Also because I was on a time constraint yesterday..

So, I decded that I would call the perinatal depression help line, because I assumed they would probably be able to assist the same as the psych nurse in the ER or I call 811 the nurse line in BC.

Anyways this is where I am at. Also, things are starting to look up better financially *but not enough to shell out money for a weekly psychologist* so thats a pluus.

Thank you lovely ladies for all of your support, and for sharing your stories.. you've made me feel better in this whole thing.

**I was going to wait till the private board was up, but I figured since depression during pregnancy isn't talked about enough maybe my story will help someone.. because before I told you ladies it was a little tough to find other people going through this
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Mommy to my little Butterfly Vanyah, born at 34 weeks and 2 days.
2lbs and 14oz on November 19th, 2013 at 2:31am.
Have never been so in love before.
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