Pregnant with 3rd and hubby wants abortion
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August 9th, 2013, 10:05 AM
Keepin' it real!
Join Date: May 2009
Originally Posted by
Just a bit of history on me. DH and I became parents at very young age. I was 17 and he was 19 when our beautiful daughter was born (she is now 15). We got married so Aug. 1 will be 15 years for us. When we decided it was time for baby #2 I had issues getting pregnant even though I was very regular with cycles and ovulating. Plus being in my early twenties at the time it was so frustrating not knowing why I couldn't get pregnant. In April 2005 I had a cyst removed from my left ovary and showed to have some endometriosis but lo and behold I finally did get pregnant that fall and had our son in June 2006 so he just turned 7. After I had him I went on the pill for a while and then got Mirena in April 2007. I enjoyed having Mirena as far as not having a period! But right after getting it I started getting migraines and had unexplained weight gain. Not much, but 11 lbs in 2 years for no known reason. I wasn't eating more and still exercised. Plus I would have bad pains on my left side and I knew that Mirena was said to cause cysts. So...when it came time to have the Mirena removed or replaced, I chose to remove it to see if some of my "symptoms" didn't go away and I went on Ortho Tri Cyclen (this was July 2012).
Fast forward to now. My yearly physical was due in June and I had my LMP on 6/24. My appt was scheduled for 6/27 but I rescheduled due to still bleeding some. When I started my BCP pack in June the only thing I did different was I did wait about a week to start the new pack because I wanted my start date to be on a Friday instead of Sunday. I'm afraid this may have caused the problem and I got pregnant.
At my dr appt on July 8th I told my dr that I have been having increased facial hair plus I would get dull pains on my left side again. She felt that I may have PCOS and scheduled me an u/s which I had done last week on July 16. It showed that I did have 1 cyst again on my left side so she started me on Spironolactane (sp?) to help with the cyst and the increased facial hair. I started that on THursday July 18 and took it up until yesterday when I took a pg test and it was positive. I have been having some period like cramping since Friday and kept thinking I was fixing to start, especially since my period was due Monday. Well, yesterday I was still having cramping but still no A/F but part of me thought, well theres no way I am pregnant but I better just take a test to be sure. I was honestly floored when it came up Positive and I took another this morning and it was positive as well.
I love my children with all of my heart and it pains me that I am not happy about this pregnancy. Neither is hubby and he wants me to terminate it. I am pro life and just cannot feel that I can do it. I have no idea really how far I am either because my LMP was "different" than normal. Seemed lighter and was more brownish. I called the dr office today and she was out (naturally) so they told me all they could do anyways was to schedule me an appt but it's not for 3 weeks or so (Aug. 13th). I'm just so lost and don't know what to do. DH thinks that we just can't afford it and it's going to take away from our other 2 if we can't provide. We live in a small town so it's not like things stay secret for long. I just can't stop crying. I feel like I should just leave it all up to God and he will take care of us no matter what. I feel like I got pg for a reason and even though things may be hard for the next 5 years or so (mainly because cost of daycare is what we can't afford)...to me....in the end it's worth it...but I know if I go through with what he wants...I will regret it and hate myself forever. Anybody else been in this type of situation? What happened? I keep thinking maybe DH will come around but then there's a part of me that thinks he's going to resent me, although I know if I go through with terminating...I'm going to resent him. In a way I think I am already starting to just for him suggesting it and being practically 100% adamant that's what he wants.
I was 25 when our son was born and DH was 27. We felt happy with the one daughter and one son and that we were done having kids before 30. Maybe not the wisest but being 32 and 34 now, we were just starting to feel we were at a "good" place and were wanting to plan to build a house soon. We live in a d/w mobile home on husband's family land. It's like all the years we struggled and now were at a place financially that we were making ends meet, felt content, and were finally affording some nicer things in life...and now I feel this will turn it all around. IN one way I feel that way and that's why I'm so depressed about this pregnancy....but then again, in my heart I just already feel that it is my flesh and blood!
First, I am so sorry you are going through this.
I have not personally experienced this issue, but my really good friend did. She had 2 children and 1 step child and the stepchild was so difficult and was in a lot of trouble and they both agreed NOT to have children and they were done. She tried all kinds of BC and everything made her bleed excessively or very ill so she was placed on a low-dose pill and it failed. Her husband is not very nice to her as it is, but this really made things harder. He told her, INSISTED, she have an abortion. Threatened to leave her if she didn't and she refused. He left for a few weeks and came back and asked her if she would reconsider the abortion. By this time, she's just about 12 weeks and she said NO, she was NOT under ANY circumstances getting an abortion and he could feel free to walk out the door. He did not leave this time and she went through the pregnancy.
He'd say things to her like " you chose this, don't complain" etc. and was not great throughout the pregnancy. But then the baby was born. He was there for the birth and postpartum. They do not have a lot of money either, but they are managing.
My point to this story is this: If you do not believe in abortion, you don't go against your beliefs to appease a human being even if that is your husband. IDK if you believe in God (the majority of pro-lifers do), but if you do, then HE comes 1st, husband 2nd. Hopefully, your husband will come around. For men, though, they are very visual people and would probably need to see the baby before falling in love with him or her.
The other option is adoption. You don't have to have an abortion at all. You just have to decide if you could give your child up for adoption. Me personally, I can't. I was able to handle being a gestational surrogate, so it's not like I haven't given up a child I have birthed, but that child was NOT genetically related to me or my husband. Even having gone through the process of child birth and handing the babies to their parents, I still could not ever give up one of my and my husband's children because it's just not something I could do. But for women who can do so, it's such a selfless act and sometimes, is much better for the child.
IDK your financial situation, but really, NO one is ever fully financially prepared for a child. Just when you think you are, unexpected things creep up on you and take that away, so in spite of what people think, these days only the rich can actually
a child but the majority of working-class and poor people also find a way to make it. It can be done, and you are right it WILL be hard, but you never know, maybe you have baby and everything is better than you thought! Maybe you can stay home with him so as not to pay daycare and babysit or do an at home job (Iqor, Alpine Access---legitimate at-home jobs). There is always a way and if you choose to keep the baby, then you'll make it work
((((THINKPOSITIVEVIBES)))) and (((((HUGS)))))
Mom to many
2013. Their family is COMPLETE!
Surrogacy # 3 for new family?: 2014??
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