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August 13th, 2013, 08:05 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Okay, all of Rowan's tests from the hospital have come in. They're all normal. Thankfully the one that I was most worried about came out negative. That one would be the blood test showing bad amino acid growth or development or however you phrase that. Meaning whatever is going on isn't degenerative.
The swallow test is normal. The stomach emptying and passage of food through the small intestine is normal.
Everything is NORMAL. AND THAT IS SO INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING. They say that no news is good news but I can't stand it. There must be SOMETHING wrong!
He gained weight at the hospital and for a week at home. And then he began to reject the gavage feedings. He'd cry and get red in the face and act like his stomach hurt as we fed him. He'd throw up the milk. After the testing today he had not eaten in 5 hours. He threw up the first ounce and then refused to eat the rest. He wasn't even ACTING hungry at all. We've tried everything. The milk is warm, the gavage is low (we keep taking it lower/slower to help with this), we try not to stress the bottle right now so he doesn't get all tense and worked up.
By all accounts he is healthy and normally developed. Just not gaining weight, growing, or tolerating any way of getting food into him. You would think it sick to be sitting here and saying "I really hope they find something wrong with my kid" but it's true. I am hoping that some test SOON will show what is wrong.
As for pumping, I'm trying to ease my mind and heart around the fact that he will never breastfeed. I'm telling myself every day that it's okay to be late to a pump or skip a pump or to not pump for as long in an effort to wean off the pump. It's very very very hard. I don't want to give up but pumping and all the stuff that goes along with pumping is time spent away from my kids. I can't hold Rowan while I pump and feed him with the gavage. So I'm not even getting that bonding time with him during feeds. I could continue to pump and tube feed him all for the sake of getting "the best" but I miss holding my baby in my arms. I rarely even get to rock him. I've decided to start the process at 3 months so at least I can say I got through the 4th trimester. But then I will be dropping pump sessions.
'Scuse the bad typing, please. 'Breast is Best' but not when browsing the internet!
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