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August 18th, 2013, 04:54 PM
Join Date: Nov 2004
It's always hard to speak to something like this, because every child and situation is so different. My friends are foster parents, and when they were doing their classes for it they were so enthusiastic about the parenting class they took they brought the people down for us to hear what they had to say. Most of these things I picked up from them.
One thing that works well in our house is that if you give me a no then I'll take it and give it back to you. Like if a child tells me no to cleaning up the dishes, then guess what you're going to get from me if you ask me to have a friend over. Don't like getting a no? Then don't give me one to use.
With the computer thing, give them a time limit, and then if they choose they can't obey it then they also choose to have no computer time. Take the keyboard off if you have to.
I find with the chores at that age the jobs often seem very big to them, so it works better to ask something specific and to do something along with them. With my younger ones I'll ask them to pick up the toys in their room and put them away while I deal with the clothes, that kind of thing. I myself will often tell the kids if they work then I'll work along with them, and if they slack at a job then they have to do it themselves. (their choice).
As far as the temper tantrums, apologize to your dh, but tell him that you cannot give in to your kids just because you want them to stop making noise. The good news is that it will only take a few days. I would word it like this to your kids though "if you decide to throw a temper tantrum that wakes up your dad you also decided to spend a half hour in your room". Phrasing it like this really helps around here.
Be consistant, and it will pay off. Every now and again things start slipping around here and I have to be pretty firm in reminding them that we're the ones in charge. And very most important, start looking for things your kids are doing right, and complement them and if they help, tell them you really appreciate them.
Good Luck! And don't be too hard on yourself!
mom of 5 girls
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