family time, sharing space
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August 18th, 2013, 07:57 PM
Join Date: May 2013
Well, I feel awful that I've not kept up on weekly posting. I'd like to say I'll do better, but I know that I can't uphold that. I do work online, and part of me just wants to get off the computer when that is over with. I don't stay on 40 hours a week, it's variable, but by the same token I'm trying to work on maintaining family time and all that, so....I'll stay on top of it as I can. Is that okay?
I have my first doc appointment tomorrow since week 8. I am 19 weeks. I really don't mind all that much, but now need to further monitor the scar tissue more than anything else. This is my 5th csection and that is the biggest concern. I feel the baby kicking often so, again, I'm very comfortable with the position I'm in right now.
I wish I didn't have a blended family sometimes. It's not that the attitude or acceptance of my or my girl's presence are poor or distasteful. Just the opposite in fact. For that, I'm grateful. But, I feel that my role as a woman, a mother, is just constantly be tested. I think that on some level these boy-men (19 and 21) have traditional gender roles engrained in their minds. I don't like being unappreciated. And, it comes from my observation of teens in general. As a 13 year vet of the high school classroom, I see this trend, and please let me know if you find it to be true:
What's mine is mine, what's yours is mine, what's mine is NOT yours.
for me, this translates into time, resources, and effort. Frankly, it annoys the crap out of me. So, I make dinner most every night. Why? Not for any other reason than because MY girls are too young to cook and do need to eat, I need to eat, and I guess by default my spouse needs to eat. LOL...and I know all three of them can cook for themselves, but how terrible would it be if I "just" cooked for the girls and myself, and then they had to fend for themselves...or worse for them and then my husband, and made the boys cook for themselves. Now, before I get hate mail, let me say this: they completely stay hidden without offering to help with dinner; do no chores or housework unless their dad tells them to and even then not without specific directions which is the antithesis of how I was raised, and then "all of a sudden" they make themselves known when dinner is done. That is bs in my book. I feel used, the house cook, the maid...and I can't do that. I already have discussed this with my Dh so again, please no hate mail. I guess I'm venting. I could have posted this in many areas here, or not post it at all, but with all the hormones and sleepless nights, etc. I just have to share somewhere, even if for myself. Or, maybe I should just start writing it out and then tell no one. I don't really know. As a christian I "should" or perhaps should consider doing this as a ministry or maybe a sacrifice or giving of my gifts, blah blah blah. I don't know. I guess it's just hard for me to wrap my head around maintaining my expectations on cleanliness and so forth and then continue to build my relationship with my spouse, as well as say nothing or put up with these two grown men acting this way. I guess that is my confusion/frustration....
Sigh, all done for now.
Also, I have heartburn every day. I'm 19 weeks. Isn't it a little early for that!?
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