20, pregnant and scared
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August 30th, 2013, 05:40 PM
Join Date: Aug 2013
I just took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I was supposed to get my period today but didn't. I'm so scared, I can't even think. I don't know what to do. I'm 20 and my BF is 25. (21 and 26 when baby is due).
I don't know exactly how long my cycle is, because it changes a little bit here and there. Lately it's been 32 days, but before that it was 28. So at 32 days I'm due about May 4-8.
Issue 1: School
I'm starting university next week. The program that I'm going into is 6 years. My final exams are in April which will put me at 36-39 weeks pregnant during my exams, depending on the exam dates. I will be extremely uncomfortable and I could go into labour at any point. If I defer my exams to the deferred exam period (June) I don't know if I will be able to get enough studying done with a baby.
I won't be able to take summer classes which I needed to do. Without taking them my program will take even longer because I didn't get into all the classes I needed this year.
I don't think I will be able to go back to school next fall. I'll have to take a semester off. Daycare in my city is subsidized for low income families so it's affordable but daycares don't take babies until they are 6 months old. If I take a semester off I don't know if I will get back in for the winter semester and my program will take even longer.
I'm already experiencing constant nausea, headaches and dizziness and I'm only like 4 weeks along. I don't know how I will concentrate with that going on.
Issue 2: Finances
I'm living on student loans and I don't even have enough for tuition and rent for the year as it is. My boyfriend makes decent money but is working to pay off his loans. I've been trying to get a job for months and can't. Not even at fast food places. I don't want to put more stress on my BF.
Issue 3: Boyfriend
My BF and I have talked about pregnancy a little bit, but not a lot. He has given me mixed feelings about pregnancy. Like he never wants kids, might wants them, doesn't care, wants them. The other day he said he doesn't want kids for another 5 years after his friend had twins. I'm so nervous to tell him. I'm afraid that we won't work out. There is no way I can deal with having to see him on a regular basis if we break up and especially with someone else. We've been together for a year and half and everything is really good. But I'm not super confident in our relationship lasting. I really hope it does, but I lied about some stuff and if he finds out he probably won't want to be with me. I don't even know if I should tell him, just abort. But I don't know if I want too... On top of that he said the one "bad" thing about him is that he thinks pregnant people are ugly and look like aliens because they are nice and skinny then have a huge lump. I know not everyone thinks pregnant people are sexy, but alien? That's the only "douchey" thing about him, he's my "dream guy" and everything I've ever wanted. He did say "Maybe with you that will change because I love you", but I don't know it's stuck in my head.
Issue 4: No Support
I don't have friends. I've always been more of a loner I guess you could say. My boyfriends friends recently said one of their friends was stupid for getting pregnant at 20 (same age as me). So I know how they will feel about it, even though they won't say it to my face. Stuff like that sticks in my head and I can't get it out. His mom will be disappointed but supportive, probably even if my boyfriend leaves me. But his dad I'm not too sure about. I have no family really, and the family that I do have will be really disappointed. I don't even want to tell them.
Adoption isn't an option for me because there is no way I could give the baby away and I'm adopted and didn't have good experiences with it.
I can't stop crying.. I don't know what to do.
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