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September 30th, 2013, 07:29 AM
lila lila is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 372
Hi everyone. I posted an intro on "the regular" loss board a week ago not realizing this board existed. It doesnt seem very active (I didnt get a single response) so I am jumping ship to join you ladies over here.

I have one healthy 25 mo old DS. We got pregnant easily with him and had an uneventful pregnancy, so we stupidly assumed TTC #2 would be as easy. We didn't get pregnant as quickly, but soon thereafter, and were so happy. But then my test was lighter not darker the next day, and I knew from there that things would not end well. I had a chemical in June.

Exactly two months after my loss we found out we were pregnant again! This time I tested obsessively and the lines darkened, my betas doubled, and I was puking and was so exhausted I could barely function. My progesterone was low (10) but my OB thought it was fine. I was so nervous about MC again that I asked for supps because from what I have read online and my friends experiences most doctors seem to supplement anything under 15-20 and I didnt want to blame myself if I MC again, so she called in the supps and I went on them. I was super nervous but trying to stay positive.

My first sono was scheduled for a Friday at 7w, but I started spotting red on Tues night and freaked out and automatically assumed the worst. We moved up my appt to Wednesday and to our surprise we saw a baby with a heartbeat! We were so happy! I had told myself that once we saw a heartbeart I would relax and try to enjoy the pregnancy so we told my parents a few hours later.

But as soon as my parents left I went to the bathroom and there was blood. A lot more than there had been the night before. I immediately freaked out again, but friends assured me that bleeding in pregnancy is common and normal, and my OB assured me that everything was fine as we had just seen the heartbeat a few hours earlier. He said I could come back in again for another sono for peace of mind, so we decided to go the next day. I was nervous but this time I believed everything was OK. Well, we started the sono and I could tell immediately there wasnt a heartbeat anymore. I had seen it right away the day before. The doctor checked and then checked again. Then he confirmed that the baby had died. We were in shock, heartbroken, and I was in denial. How could it be happening again?

My OB scheduled a D&C for a week ago today, because he wanted to do chromosomal testing on the baby. I went in for presurgical testing the friday before and as we finished up I started cramping and was worried about what if I couldnt make it the weekend. What do I do? I went to the bathroom while waiting for my OB to call back and ended up passing the baby and the placenta in the toilet. I freaked out and scooped them out of the toilet into a specimin cup. OB on call (my doctor was out of town for the weekend) sent me to the ER where I waited 4 hours desperate for someone to take the baby for testing before it was too late. I left before a sono (would have been even longer) and opted to go to my OB instead for the appt I already had for a sono as part of the pre-D&C procedure. Luckily my OB examined me and said I passed everything which I am really hoping is the case. After passing the baby the bleeding tapered down, turned to spotting, then just sporadic brown spotting this weekend and seems to have finally stopped yesterday. But I took another pregnancy test last night and it was still pretty dark so my HCG levels are probably still pretty high. I currently have another appt for tomorrow but I want to make sure hes just not goign to have me pee on a test bc I know its positive. I will go in its its bloodwork but otherwise might wait another week.

I worry a lot about next steps. If the testing on the baby is normal my OB wants to send me for testing since this is my second loss now but I was told not to expect the results back for another 3-4 weeks. I am antsy to try again asap but dont know if we should wait until testing comes back or do the testing now even before results come back. I really dont want to have a third MC.

I am so so so sad. Everyone I know is pregnant or just had a baby. My sis delivered her baby (and made me an aunt) at 3pm last Mon which was when my D&C was supposed to take place. At least I didnt have to go through that literally while she delivered. But we are flying to visit them this weekend and I am dreading it. My ILs have not said a word to me acknolweding our loss (not even an 'I heard Im so sorry") and its going to be babycentric for the whole trip. The trip we had planned to announce our good news.

I feel like the hormones have dissipated (last week I felt liek I was drowning) and I feel like a broken record. I have read every page on the internet dealing with how long for hcg levels to drop, natural mc experiences, d&c experiences, when to get first pp AF, multiple losses, etc. Its all I think about. And I am just so sad. I never thought I would have multiple losses and after seeing the heartbeat this time I really thought it was going to be OK. And its so hard seeing all of my friends progress with their pregnancies. And I worry that something is wrong with me.

How do you cope?
__________________
Married 5 years <3

#1: DS born 8.25.11 at 40w1d
#2: chemical pregnancy 6.26.13 at 4w3d
#3: miscarriage after heartbeat 9.20.13 at 7w (trisomy 14)
#4: chemical pregnancy 12.2.13 at 5w
#5: hoping this is my RAINBOW baby. EDD 10.17.14

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