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October 1st, 2013, 07:08 PM
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ashj_1218 ashj_1218 is offline
Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,831
For me, things happened backward, but I think I ultimately ended in a similar place. My first WAS the birth I never knew I wanted. I never read a single thing before I went into labor with him. Not one book or story on birthing, on purpose. I figured I would do what was needed as it was needed. And his birth was pretty easy, gentle, and affirming.

My problems came into play after him, with my second. I assumed that if I handled my first, a long, long labor and my first child, I would rock a second birth. I could be all earth mama. I read tons of affirming stories (Ina May included) sure that I had birth handled. And walked into a train wreck. I felt the same way this woman describes. Angry, out of control, wanting to scream (and occasionally actually screaming), panicky, desperate. It was a bit terrifying and I felt I was somehow failing my son and myself (and my useless doula) by being so crazy. It hurt like non-other. Nothing I imagined it would be like.

So I do totally get what she is saying. It really can be ugly in many ways. Expectations are troublesome!
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