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October 10th, 2013, 05:59 PM
Join Date: Jul 2013
I'm having my fiance's baby but things between us have been beyond strained and we are in this cycle of almost splitting up so I've given alot of thought to what I would do if I was to be alone and end up finishing this trip "solo."
I did some research and found out that even if you choose to leave the father off the birth certificate he can file (and pay) to have a paternity test and take you to court for rights. This is me was super intimidating because my would-be-future-in-laws are awful to the point that I could see them encouraging my fiance to fight for full custody (or shared) if we broke up and I left him off the birth certificate.
I worried that taking this route (leaving him off) would just make me look awful to a judge if he ever went through all of that. I guess I kind have concluded that I will put him on there either way and if he is not interested in the child then he won't make the effort to see them, and if he is interested then he would probably fight me if I didn't put him on the birth certificate.
I will say, I do not know if the same custody rules/laws apply everywhere, just sharing what I found. The best universal advice I have received was to document everything. Yes, it is early and I don't think him cheating will be relevant, but if he ever tells you he doesn't want to be involved or writes you something that is hateful to this situation or the baby, keep it, email it to yourself, get dates and make sure it is safe on a cloud drive or backup drive. Sure if you ever windup in court he can argue that he has changed, but at that point it seems anything you have can help. I would also keep a record (if you do this) of inviting him to appointments and him not coming (assuming he doesn't). I've been told this information can help protect you in the long run.
On an end note, I will be 16 weeks on Sunday so I feel your shoes. I am so sorry that he is being an *** and can't grow up. Hugs for you and I hope that everything turns around for you and I bet that with all this worry you are going to be a great mommy.
PS I noticed you've posted in the March DDC, come back. They are really supportive and it is a great place to vent about ex's. I vent about my relationship drama there and I feel like reading all their happies might make me a little sad, but it also helps me find excitement for the baby.
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