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October 14th, 2013, 09:24 PM
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momof8lopez momof8lopez is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,311
Another thing that is starting to really settle heavy on my heart is: Why did I have to fight to save my baby's life? I was told by over 5 dr.'s the day after delivery (two who delivered me, my ob, my ob's partner and the MFM dr.) is how my mothers intuition saved my baby's life and mine. But why did it have to come to that? What if I was a FTM who did not know how to verbalize my thoughts and feelings? I had 3 dr's tell me the day they wanted to discharge me (before the birth) that I needed to basically calm down and do whats right for my baby by letting him have at least one more week inside me. I was made to feel guilty that day. I felt horrible for telling the MFM dr. that I wanted my baby out. I felt selfish, and embarresed when I went back to labor and delivery and the nurse who ended up saving my life, who was also 9mo pregnant, looked at me and said "you have to do what you feel is best". I thought for sure she was being sarcastic.

If it was not for these boards, for seeing so many tragedy's over the years, of knowing how horrible some births can be, I would of put my tail between my legs and just went home. Went home and per my Dr.'s words "died in front of my family". Why are dr's so quick to judge us? Our own gut instincts? It breaks my heart, trully, for all the young mothers who would of listened to their dr.'s advice and just walked away. I know if I was in my 20's again, I surely would of felt safe after having 2 u/s's and several high profile dr's tell me that all was ok. I would of dismissed my fears for sure.

I think this is the root of my anger. I know DH cant even look at my ob's partner who was the second dr. to tell me to go home. He did not even make the surgery in time.....I had to be delivered by the two on call surgeons that day. He was just up stairs, on the next floor when he was called stat to the OR. He came after the baby was out and sewed me up. Today he took my staples out and smiled as he told me also that had I went home, I would of never made it to the ambulance. I would of bled out in 3min flat. He acknowledged that I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE, I pray he takes from this experience and never dismisses a mothers fear again.
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Momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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