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October 23rd, 2013, 10:07 PM
PaytonsMommy2014 PaytonsMommy2014 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 7
My husband and I are trying to conceive and thoughts go through my head that I just feel like no one will understand because no one I know is ttc or would even remotely understanding. Yes, seeing all of the pregnant Mommies makes me sad/jealous. I am so happy for them but part of me is jealous and keeps wondering why that can't be me? Yes, I look at baby things often dreaming of when I will actually get the honor of actually purchasing them. No, I don't know if I'm infertile. Frankly, I don't want to know because the thought alone is enough to crush any hope I may have. No, telling me it could always be worse doesn't make me feel any better. No, I have nothing against adopting; you must not understand what a blessing, honor and miracle it is to have your own flesh and blood grow inside of your tummy and be the only source of survival for them and house them for 9 months. I don't resent mothers, or pregnant women; I'm jealous. I'm jealous they get to have that miracle growing in their tummy and it upsets me more when pregnant women say "I can't believe I'm having another baby. This baby was definitely an accident" my heart breaks when I hear that. I know it doesn't make you love your child any less, but as a woman ttc, it hurts. Even an "accident" would be the biggest blessing and miracle ever. I pray that God lets me have the honor and miracle of having a child. And to all you TTC Mom's out there, don't lose hope. Don't resent those adorable pregnant mommies you see everywhere and that seem to haunt you everywhere you go. Just pray that that mom truly understands what a blessing she has in that belly of hers. Your time will come and if it doesn't, we will find a way. God bless all of the mommies, mommies to be, and mommies TTC.
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