Relationship with baby's Father
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October 28th, 2013, 08:57 AM
Join Date: Oct 2013
my name is Paige, I am 22 years old and I am 6 months pregnant with a girl!
I would like to get some advice on my fiance. He will be a first time dad and is also 22. We have been together for over a year now. I have been pregnant once before with my then boyfriend of 7 years but I miscarried at 22 weeks. My experience with men while pregnant isn't a very good one. I tend to compare my fiance to my Father and my Grandfather because they are upstanding men in my opinion.
Anyway, my fiance and I were supposed to move in with my Mom when I found out I was pregnant at 2 months. He didn't move with me, why I am not sure. So we are now living separately. We were moving because I had to go on medical leave at work because I have a high risk pregnancy and therefore I would not be able to afford living elsewhere. He told me "don't worry about not working, I have everything covered." He hasn't done anything so far. My Mother and my older sister who has a two year old daughter and husband off in the Navy have helped me buy if not flat out payed for everything so far. I still need things like a baby monitor, etc. My family and his family are starting to get angry with him because he has not done anything. I feel as though I am caught in the middle. The more I nag him to step up, the more he pushes away.
He also never calls me to see how me or the baby is doing or if we are okay. He never calls me at all. I maybe see him 2 to 3 times a month now. When I do, if I have a craving for something I have to go and get it. That isn't a big deal but it would be nice if he would offer considering I am supposed to take it easy due to my high risk pregnancy. My Mother has been nice enough to run to taco bell at 2 am for me if I don't want to go.
He never pays for me. That also isn't that big of a deal. But the offer would be nice instead of me paying for him when he is the only one working.
He says he wants to have an opinion and be able to make decisions about the baby, but he hasn't done anything for the baby. He doesn't want to go to the doctors with, he doesn't pay for anything for the baby, he doesn't check in to see how we're doing. He hasn't even said thank you to my Mom for basically being my husband.
I used to think he was just scared, that's okay to be scared, but running away from your fear does nothing but make me resent you. Every time I try and talk with him about the baby or his fears he just shrugs it off and ignores me. Or he tells me "I don't want to talk about this right now."
Also, I am half Italian. When talks about what he hopes the baby will look, if I say I hope she looks like me, or I hope she has a natural tan like me, or brown hair, etc. He then insults my family's culture of being Latin and says he thinks "Latins" are ugly. He wants her to have blonde hair, blue eyes, and be white. That's fine with me as long as she is healthy. But if you don't like Latin people, why did you date me at all? Because of this, my family is starting to look down on him as a human being. My Mom is Spanish, Italian, Slavic, and Scandinavian. My Dad is Italian and Scandinavian. They both look very Latin though, but they haven't judged him once by his heritage. Only by his actions and so far they aren't looking very good for him. The only time he has anything nice to say about my heritage is in front of my Great Grandma who is from Sweden.
Whenever I do talk to him, he always complains that I don't try and talk to him or see him. That I never want to come over to his place or that I don't communicate with him. I used to try, but I have given up practically.
Also, last month his step mom, my mom, and I all told him he needs to sell his 2 door car and get a 4 door, we also said we don't care what kind it is it just needs to be reliable and have 4 doors. So he comes home with a 3 seat truck and barely runs. Before he brought it to me to see he texted me and told me "you know that truck you told me not to buy? I bought it. Do you believe me?
He also has 2 motorcycles, I asked him to sell the one he never rides anymore for extra money. He hasn't. The last time I talked to him about all this, he asked me "why should I?"
I know I will have to sell everything and buy everything at this point. He keeps making messes that I have to clean up. At this point I feel as though I am better off away from him. I constantly have to tell him what to do or what not to do because he doesn't do anything. But when I tell him what to do he gets angry and says that he is the man and I need to realize that. He keeps telling me to rust him and that I can rely on him, but so far his track record is ****.
another thing, the last time I tried to bring up stress or fears and that he was stressing me out, he told me that I was stressing him out and I need stop it!
Sorry this is so long! It's six month of bs!
Any advice on how to deal with him or why he is behaving this way? And should I stay with him or leave him?
I don't know if this is because of his age, fear, he is a *******, what?
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