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December 13th, 2013, 07:17 AM
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lelila lelila is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,896
Rae, the only reason why we kept trying was to say, down the road as older people, that we don't have regrets for NOT trying. That was it. I knew too that this journey could lead to more heartache than joy and that I many never have a baby. But I didn't want to spend my older years wondering "what if" and "should I have". There were dark days last winter when I felt like I had made a mistake trying, because I saw the pain in my poor son's eyes after we lost our last LO. I died a little each time he cried over that loss.

I can only hope that we make it through this one so I can see the joy in his eyes when he holds his baby brother.

Pam - I don't know if I will ever find joy in this pregnancy. Honestly, I know so much about how much CAN go wrong, even up to the very end of 40 weeks, that I'm robbed now. I doubt I have to tell you about the pain of loss. You've endured it all and then some. DH tells me I'm being pessimistic and I don't have a reason to worry, but he doesn't know what I know. He hasn't read the articles, the blogs, the posts of heartbroken women. Maybe I shouldn't have either. But I wanted to know what I faced. I wanted to take nothing for granted. And I don't.
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Leia 40 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 40
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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