First Time TTC
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December 27th, 2013, 05:58 PM
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: DFW Area, Texas
My husband and I have been ttc for about 6 months now with no results and there are moments when I just want to give up. Blood work and consultations with my OBGYN have brought up no reasons for the problem nor a solution. The only thing my OBGYN can think is that my body is taking longer to restart normal functions after getting off the pill. I had to take medication to force my cycle after 149 days of nothing. Now my system is regulating on its own, finally. I've been charting my BT every morning (same time every morning) and the results are looking more and more like a roller coaster. No pattern in sight.
I have wanted to be a Mom for as long as I can remember and now that my husband and I are able to try and with everything going so badly with no results or even a reason why, my heart just breaks more every day.
What makes me feel like a horrible person is that there are so many women that i know that are getting pregnant without even trying, without even wanting to get pregnant and I feel so angry towards them because of it. My mind keeps thinking, "I've spent months trying to change my habits and make my body ready to carry a child safely. I have been doing everything I'm supposed to to help myself. I have planned and prepared myself and my husband and I have prepared ourselves as a couple, too. We have done everything we are supposed to, yet these women who do not even really care that they are pregnant, do not see how much of a blessing they have, who haven't taken the time and energy to prepare themselves are having these easy and no stress pregnancies that they did not even have to try for!"
These thoughts make me feel like the worst human being alive. Someone I know from middle school announced that she is pregnant today and my first thoughts were, "You barely take care of yourself! How do you expect to take care of a baby that you WEREN'T PREPARED FOR OR EVEN WERE TRYING FOR?!"
I am a horrible person. I should be happy for all of them but all I can feel is destroyed that everyone seems to be getting pregnant when my whole world is collapsing because I can not seem to get pregnant.
This is breaking me. My husband keeps telling me to be patient and that it will happen for us and when it does that it will be so special and wonderful that the wait will be worth it. He stays so positive and supportive that it makes me feel like an even bigger b!$?&.
Does the pain that comes with every negative test ever get easier to bear? Or does it just build and build and get worse until the positive one comes up? It hurts so much to think that we could be facing months and months more of this pain before getting results that make it worthwhile.
My heart is breaking and I do not know how to handle it....
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