I'm too old for this!
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January 4th, 2014, 04:08 PM
Love the life you live.
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: VT, USA
Thank you! I'm really excited about the baby. It was a HUGE shock at first, but I've adjusted and am looking forward to it. I have two other children, 3 and 2. I will certainly have my hands full, but I'm sure I'll love every second of it.
He keeps trying to invite himself over here. Until today I was so sick I could barely function and was reserving all of my energy for work and kids (which wasn't much- ugh). Today is the first break from debilitating fatigue and morning sickness I've had in 2 weeks. I took advantage of it by packing. The other day he tried to invite himself and his girls over here for dinner, a.k.a "Cook dinner for us." I refused.
Legally, I know that I am in really good standing. I have a more than stable and adequate income to provide for the baby and while the courts here don't like to shut the fathers out, their access is generally limited, especially when the child is very young. I don't want to have to get an entire legal team involved- but will if I need to. He's not a "bad" guy in the sense that he is violent- but he does have some debilitating mental health issues that greatly concern me when it comes to a child. He has what he calls "anxiety attacks" that leave him a zombie for MONTHS- as in he can't go to work, can't deal with anyone/anything, etc. I'm not sure I want to place my child in that kind of environment. He barely holds it together. When we first met I thought he was just "nervous." But as I got to know him I realized it was him trying to keep himself from coming apart.
I'm thankful that I have a wonderful circle of friends to call on if I need help. I don't call on them often enough, but I know they are there if I need them. Just typing all of this out has helped me to let go of the anxiety a bit. I will do what I have to do to give this baby the best life I can- no matter what that means, just as I do for the two children I have now. I'm a mom, that's what we do, right?
Proud mom of 2 beautiful children (and one on the way!), Desiree (3) and Austen (2). Desiree has autism but that just adds to her sparkle.
~Gone but not forgotten.~
Software engineering consultant and state autism advocate.
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