Hurt, Broken, Doubtful
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January 11th, 2014, 10:40 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Northeast USA
Teresa - here is just my 2 cents.
You are a mother with two beautiful children. I want all children to have the best possible childhood in life - and for that reason, I will always lend my support to any Mom. Therefore, I want you to succeed in life. I want for you a happy marriage, a good job, and the skills to be able to provide for your children.
There are many wonderful women on this board. The fact that everyone comes from different backgrounds with different points of view helps many of us to grow. For instance, Rebecca recently posted an article on her FB page about things people say and how those things may be perceived by children and parents of children with disabilities. Because of this post and the perspective from which it was written, I know it made me think of things that I say and how they can be perceived. Because of her, I have grown in some small way and hopefully won't say something in the future that may hurt someone unintentionally. In another way, when I went dairy free, I learned so any things from ladies here (such as hidden dairy in foods). Because of that, my daughter benefited. My point is that the ladies on this board really can enhance child rearing for others.
As for your situation, because we are a diverse group, you will get diverse comments. Some ladies may want to empathize while others may feel it is enabling. I understand that you have monetary issues. I believe there are many people on this board who may also be struggling with money issues. Please try to remember that there are many ladies who are working 40+ hours per week and breastfeeding, and making just enough money to pay daycare and necessities. They may be working jobs that they hate, but do it just in order to make ends meat. They may see your posts in one way. When they write out their tax bills, they may simply have no use for (and not like) your DH who could be perceived as not meeting his obligations.
Without reference to any particular post, if you request advice, you will receive diverse views. Some ladies will empathize and some will say pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do what needs to be done.
We obviously do not know you outside of JM or FB, so I do not know if you really do have a can do attitude or not. I do know personally that when my son was diagnosed with Asperger's I had the choice to sit back and wait for others to help us or to be extremely proactive. For my son, it was not even a choice. When I was told he needed a specialist, I filled out packets for 7 different hospitals (you actually had to fill out a 10-20 page application to even get an appointment). After I sent in the applications, I called to confirm receipt. Places had an 18 month waiting list, so I called and asked to be placed on the list that if anyone cancelled I would get there the same day. When the ped told me my son would end up in a group home, I investigated every therapy available and arranged for 30 hours per week. I then asked the therapists for additional therapy programs I could do with him at home. End result is that he is 11 and doing phenomenally. I don't write this for a pat on the back - just to show that where there is a will there is a way.
If you want to get ahead, you can! You have skills. I saw your photography. You have computer skills. You can place applications everywhere to get a job working 40 hours a week and still do photography on the side to grow your own business. You have the skills to be successful. You may sacrifice sleep - but you can do it if you want.
I really don't think any of the ladies on this board want to see you fail. You failing is not good for Trey or Aidan, and I am fairly certain all the ladies here want to see all children have a good life. They may express it in different ways. I hope you can see different perspectives and whether you stay or go, I wish you well so that you can do the best for your sons.
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