Topic: What to do...
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  #1  
February 18th, 2014, 03:59 AM
horseshoe horseshoe is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 25
So...I have already put a post up in the "Am I pregnant" thread, for some reason I am not able to put the link to it in my message... it has some background info but I just felt as though I needed a bit of a vent.

So my boyfriend and i have been sort of together for 4 years (we both had bad break ups with our ex's so weren't yet "ready) but properly a couple for 2 years). We both plan on marrying each other having children, he would like four children...but not yet. Anyways so I was honest and told him there was a mishap with my BC pills, he then (even though I had told him) finished inside of me a few times. Like it says in the above mentioned thread we have sex a bare minimum of once a day, usually a couple times a day and he almost always finishes inside of me but it has never been an issue as I'm on the BC pill and in 12 years have never had any issues. So moving forward there is the slight possibility that I am pregnant right now. I'm either having ovulation symptoms or pregnancy symptoms but apparently I've learned those are exactly the same basically. Why doesn't the female body just have a pregnancy on or off light!? haha. We both are waiting until I can test next week but we decided to start talking about "what if's" just in case. BAD IDEA but how can you not? At first he was of course shocked of the notion of me having a baby but said no matter what I decide he is by my side. He wants children but this is just much earlier than he planned. NOW however he has flatly said that he will not have kids right now and although he hasn't directly said "you must have an abortion" the way he says things is basically saying "I want you to have an abortion if you are pregnant and we won't be having babies for years so don't even bother" sort of thing. We're 26 and 27 years old, we both have good careers, but we do not own a house. He keeps panicking saying that if I am pregnant we will have to buy a house, change careers (our current jobs take us away from home half of the year), what will I do for a career and we're not in a great financial position. All these things are things I understand and empathize with and also worry about. He even tried telling me I would have to sell my animals if a baby came (which by the way I think is a disgusting practice, you buy an animal for life...not as a disposable item to chuck away when you start a family). That is obviously a no go. He is mad, thinks we aren't ready, that our lives will be over, that it will effect our relationship and we won't be able to do anything fun or travel anymore. So he is basically scaring himself and would like me to get an abortion which has infuriated me. I am 100% pro choice and I keep weighing the pros/cons in my head. Yet currently I know that if I am pushed into having an abortion I think I will resent him forever. I already am beginning to resent him for the situation we are in right now and with him reacting the way he has, because he has always said if an accident happened it would be fine (no abortion). He blamed me (and then proceeded to take it back) that this was entirely my fault and that he trusted me (which I can understand, but it was an honest mistake...most of my gfs screw their BC pills up regularly, something which I have, like I said never done in 12 years). My other problem with that is that he finishes inside me every time so obviously as an adult doing that you accept that something COULD happen...ESPECIALLY after I specifically told him there was a pill mix up and yet he still surprised me and finished inside me. Anyways so I am trying my best not to think about this but how can you not? I feel like if I am not pregnant, I know I will be half relieved but half very sad as I had gotten used to the idea now. If I am pregnant and have a baby I feel like he might resent me for "ruining our lives" but really what is the difference between now and 3 years from now (which is when he wanted to start having kids)? I'm worried my life "will be over" but I also am just scared. I also feel like if I have an abortion I will never forgive myself or him. The idea of even having one has already stirred up resentment toward him. I have always wanted to be a Mom, but only recently got "baby fever" in the last year. I'm not one of those insanely career driven women, who would willingly put babies on hold until after I'm 32 or so. I'm the youngest sibling and my parents had me when they were 39 and I NEVER want to be that "old" (no offence intended to any older Mum's here this is just my personal experience/opinion) to have children. It was always different having older parents growing up. Anyways I guess I just wanted to vent and to also ask if anyone has gone through something like this?
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