Weight gain has me feeling down (long rant/vent warning)
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May 7th, 2014, 06:06 PM
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New York, NY
Well, I'm finally starting to put on some weight and show a bit. I've gained 7 pounds so far and it's killing me. In my early teens I struggled a great deal with anorexia and didn't even get my first period until I was about 17 years old. The journey to recovery was long and hard and although I am able to live happily without a (heavy) burden of an eating disorder anymore, I still feel as though recovery is a life long journey. I have good days and bad days but mostly good. I have been a healthy weight for quite a while (6 years now) but I realized that I have built a comfortable life and mind frame around that weight. Now that I'm gaining weight, it's shaking up my whole world and it makes me realize that maybe I'm not as recovered as I once felt. One girl at college told me I'm starting to look "meatier" (she knows I'm pregnant and she wasn't being mean). But it just makes me feel bad for myself ya know? I'm eating more and that makes me feel bad for myself. I don't fit into the same clothes anymore and I pity myself. My S/O was joking around today and just started taking silly snap shots of me on his phone today. Looking at the pictures, I saw my weight gain. I look fuller. And it made me feel bad for myself.
I don't really know why I'm feeling this way. All this pity? Maybe I'm just hormonal and need a good cry. These are emotions that are surfacing that I've never faced before and it's really hard. My S/O took pictures of me today with my "20 week" sticky belly and I kept making him take them over and over. I hated all of them, I looked so huge and I just wanted to cry.
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