Recently Separated but living together still
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June 14th, 2014, 08:30 PM
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: near Orillia,Ontario
My hubby and I have been together for almost 15 years and married for almost 9 years. We met online and really hit it off then started talking on the phone every day. Thankfully we only lived 20 minutes away from each or the phone bill would have been crazy.
I was still living at home and 24 went I met him. He is 9 years older than I am.
We had a lot in common and we both loved sex and we loved to laugh. He was in the middle of a separation from his first wife when we met. He has a daughter from his first marriage who was 4 when we met. We also have a daughter together who is 11 and has ADHD/ODD. When we got really serious wasn't until after his divorce was final.
We only ever had one really big fight in all the time we have been together. About 5 years ago he lost his job due to downsizing and he couldn't find any full time work in his field where we lived so we had to sell our house and move. At this time he became depressed but kept it very controlled. We had no where else to go but to move in with his parents who weren't the nicest people in the world but took us in anyways. There are very negative people, always bitter at the world types. As he got a few jobs here, nothing in what he wanted to do the depression became more and more deeper as time went on.
He and I would start having less and less sex (every 3 months at best). He started a new job and would never seem to come home right after work like he did before. He would stay out for hours after then come home, saying he was at a friends house but would never give me the friends number. The depression worsened and the doctor finally gave him some meds for it. He lost all his sex drive so we stopped having sex from November of last year on.
Just after Christmas he finally decided to see a therapist after months of myself and the doctor suggesting it. He first saw a psychiatrist who he claimed told him we live in a toxic environment and that since I was still young ( 38) that I still had a chance at a normal life. He then told me that he just kept wanting to be alone and continued to not come home before 12:30am when he was done work at 9pm.
I told him I wasn't leaving him at that time. He said the psychiatrist told him the best to separate would be in the summer as he knew our daughter's school work would be affected if done earlier. After months of barely talking other than in the morning he decided to start sleeping downstairs claiming at first he was up too late and didn't want to disturb me. That was almost 3 months ago.
He decided that we couldn't live this way anymore and that separation was the best route for everyone so me and our daughter could be happy, never once asking me if this was what I wanted. At this time he was barely kissing me or telling me he loved me.
Then when I finally gave in to the separation as he clearly didn't want to accept another option a few weeks ago he was much nicer to me and was blowing me kisses and giving me hugs again. We went to the township office to have the separation papers signed and he hugged me after and I repeated to him that this isn't want I wanted. He gives me kisses on the lips ( just pecks) and seems to be much happier now that the papers have been signed and decided. He also informed me that before seeing the psychiatrist he had been thinking of us separating for months.
We will still be living together until I can get a full time job and save up to get a place of my own. I am very confused, and scared as I have never had to live on my own or pay rent etc.
Sorry this got way more winded than I wanted it to be but I needed to get it out. Thank you for "listening".
~Always smile at people who walk by. Some may think you nice, some may think you crazy and others will be so thrilled that someone smiled at them~
Last edited by CathyD-O; June 14th, 2014 at
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