Long 6 weeks
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October 21st, 2006, 12:24 PM
Join Date: Aug 2005
Thank you so much, ladies. Really, it is making me feel better. You just hear everyone joke about dropping their babies, so I felt like such an idiot. I've punched him in the head and face refastening my nursing bra and that didn't make me feel so bad. I don't know why. I've accidentally scratched him, but no real feelings of guilt there...I didn't think twice about it. It's the DROPPING him part!!! I did remember that when my cousin was under a year old, I was swinging her under my legs and she just fell out of my hands, flat on the back of her head on concrete. I waited for the cry, looked at her eyes, and then made her laugh. When I dropped Kannon, he laid asleep for a few seconds on the floor before crying. That might be what's really wrong. He looked dead, I felt half-dead (as it turns out, I was), and I just thought that it was all over. Really, I felt like I'd die.
I think that I can let it go as it gets farther away. It's just having that image burned in my brain. I've hurt him in little ways since then and really, I don't feel as guilty. Oh, those things happen and I know it.
But JEEZ, dropping him?!
Susan, I'm sorry that your nurse chewed you out--you're right, I'm very lucky to have had an understanding soul who immediately told me about hurting her daughter somehow. She had to have known what was going through my head.
And Beckie, it's reassuring to know that you were dropped and look how well you turned out.
Thank you, ladies. Of all the things that have happened lately and all that I have to worry about, it's so silly that that image keeps popping up. It was just the way he looked. And if he'd been dropped an inch to the left, he'd have hit his temple on my IV stand. It would have been far worse. Ugh. There I go again!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I DO feel better. Thank you for not thinking that I'm a terrible mom.
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