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October 29th, 2006, 08:39 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Well, here's my confession. I really don't feel like signing out and back in as anonymous, so I'm just doing this under my own.
First off, let me say that I know love isn't about appearance. I know it's what is inside that counts. But still........
I get really mad at my DH for not trying to lose weight. When we got married he was 180, now he's pushing 230. He gained 30 pounds in the first year of our marriage. He'll go on these diets and lose like 15 lbs, and then gain it back plus a few more.
I love him, and his size doesn't change that. But I WANT to be physically attracted to him. And I'm not! He wears a size 38 waist, but he wears it under his gut, with his gut hanging over. So really, his waist is probably pushing 50 inches.
The older he gets, the more hair he has...all over his body. It grosses me out! I make him keep his underwear on when we have sex.
I know I'm not God's gift to man, but I fix myself up everyday. Hair, makeup, clothes, because I want my husband to be attracted to me.....and he is. I just wish I felt the same about him.
I spend WAY too much time on the computer. I'm trying to work on that. Mainly because I've noticed that when I'm on here, I get really snappy and short with the kids. I don't want to be like that.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I hadn't gotten married so young....two months after I turned 18. And hadn't had kids so young...two months after turning 19. I day dream about having a career, and living on my own, and having more of a carefree life.
I get upset at DH because we don't have a lot of money. He is the sole provider for our home, and I feel like he lets us down. Which he doesn't....we've never gone without food. We've never had our elec. turned off, or a car repoed, or claimed bankruptcy. Nothing like that. But just that it's soooo tight. And I can't get new clothes. It's seriously been years since I've been able to go on a shopping spree. I like staying home with the kids, but I feel like because of that, we've had to sacrifice a lot, when it comes to having extras. We basically pay the bills and that's it.
I yell! And I hate it when I do! I have a very short temper, and the tiniest things tick me off. The only time that I do it is at the house or in the car with my family...but I want to stop! Really bad! I don't want my kids to have memories of me yelling all of the time.
I guess that's all I have for now. I'm sure I'll think of more later.
ETA: I wanted to add that I don't think "bigger" people are gross or anything. There are some guys that I know that are bigger than my DH, but I think they look good. Maybe it's cause I haven't seen them naked...lol![/b]
I just gotta say good for you for being able to confess as you. It takes alot of courage. Not that you said anything to be ashamed of, but still. I can totally relate to the lack of income thing. All we have been able to do lately is pay the bills and scrape by. Even then we arent even scraping, we had to ask a family member for 200 bucks recently because living in a new province hydro wants a deposit since we have no credit history here. I also hate that I havent been able to buy clothes in yrs and I remember what it was like when we had double incomes and everything was so easy. I gotta admit its getting me down lately so I dont have any advice on that, but the one thing I can say is to keep an eye on the future. Once our kids are in school we will be able to go back to work. I dont know... thats how I see it.
Thank you Rawisner for the Siggy!
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