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November 15th, 2006, 08:55 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
For many woman the biggest challenge of a homebirth is simply convincing the concerned men in their lives that it's a good thing to do. Many SO's are just terrified by the idea of not going to a hospital...once we show them the safety of HB they tend to come around.
My all time favorite:
The Pooping Analogy
The other thing was my poop analogy. Sorry, I'm a farm girl - it's just the closest way for a guy to relate to birth! I asked him to think about when he needs to take a big poo, like one that requires some work to get out and maybe even some pain. Imagine if you couldn't do that privately - but had to be up on a table, with a spotlight on your butt, people sticking their fingers in to see if the poo was coming yet, telling when and how to push it out, everybody staring at you. How would that go? He agreed that it would probably inhibit the process more than help it. So then I asked him to consider being able to go into his own private bathroom where he's relaxed and comfortable, to just sit and concentrate and do what he needed to do - going along with his body's urges to get it out; relaxing when he needs to, working on it when he needs to. That made sense to him.
<div align="center">Dr. Lewis Mehl did a study comparing home and hospital birth with mothers from California and Wisconsin with matched populations of 2,092 mothers for each group. Midwives and family doctors attended the homebirths; OBGYNs and family doctors attended hospital births. Within the hospital group, the fetal distress rate was 6 times higher. Maternal hemorrhage was 3 times higher. Limp, unresponsive newborns arrived 3 times more often. Neonatal infections were 4 times as common. There were 30 permanent birth injuries caused by doctors (Jones 99).
Dr. Mehl did another study comparing 1,046 home births with 1,046 hospital births. The groups were matched for age, risk factors, etc. There was no difference in infant mortality. None! However the hospital births caused more fetal distress, lacerations to the mother, neonatal infections and so on. There was a higher rate of forceps and C-section delivery and nine times as many episiotomies (Jones 110).</div>
<div align="center">Another factor that is important in making the choice about where to give birth may surprise you. It makes common sense, but has also been documented by several studies. Women who give birth in a hospital are much more likely to experience postpartum depression or even post traumatic stress disorder. Kitzinger states that the more interventions a woman experiences, the more likely she is to be depressed, with C-sections obviously carrying the greatest risk of depression (193). She quotes 5 or 6 studies documenting the effects of this "institutional violence."
Aidan McFarlane, a British physician, notes that while 68% of hospital mothers experience postpartum depression , only 16% of home birth mothers do (Jones 24). On the Farm, a self-contained, alternative lifestyle community in Tennessee, the rate of postpartum depression was .03 percent (Korte and Scaer 183). Almost all mothers on the Farm had both a homebirth and a supportive, loving community of women to assist them postpartum. Depression, in itself, would be a major reason for mothers to consider giving birth in their own homes, if that is where they are most comfortable, especially if they had previously experienced postpartum depression and thus were at high risk for a repeat episode.
Bonding is a chemical reaction that takes place between a mother and baby. This reaction happens best when the mother and baby are not seperated for the hours and days after birth. In hospitals, babies are whisked away to warm, clean and suction
when those things are much better accomplished by the baby simply being placed on the mother's naked abdomen or breast. In hospitals, nursery stay for the baby is encouraged, rather than co-rooming.
This is just too funny! High Risk Love-Making!
HUSBAND and WIFE passionately take off each other's clothes. WIFE reacts with alarm to HUSBAND's potbelly.
WIFE: How many French fries did you eat tonight?!
HUSBAND: Oh, about 200 . . .
WIFE: How many have you eaten since childhood?
HUSBAND: Uh, I don't know.
WIFE: You could die of a heart attack at any time! You could die tonight while we're making high-aerobic love! And I could die from a broken rib, you're so heavy!
HUSBAND: I've gained a lot of weight since high school.
WIFE: I don't think a heart attack for you or a punctured lung for me sounds too good, do you?
WIFE: I think our lovemaking has become just too risky, dear. I've been thinking . . .
HUSBAND: You have?
WIFE: Actually, no. I haven't been thinking. I've been talking with my friends. And my friends say that the best thing to do in a high-risk lovemaking situation is to go to the hospital.
WIFE: We're talking about life-threatening love, here, honey! Our home has become too dangerous for us safely to engage in our usual acrobatic sacred union. What better place than the hospital to make worry-free gymnastic love?
HUSBAND: Uh . . .
WIFE: We'll pack our things, bundle ourselves in the car, and drive to the hospital! It'll be fun, like a camping trip! We'll rent one of those hygienic operating rooms for two or three hours. Professionals will be bustling about on errands of mercy, and you and I will descend into our animal selves. Are we a zebra? Are we a lion? Nurses to take care of our every need! "Have a glass of water" . . . "Have some anesthesia." I think it would be just plain foolish to suffer painful injury just because we didn't bite the financial bullet and hire the necessary technicians to stand guard over our chandelier-swinging copulations.
HUSBAND: Uh . . .
WIFE: And once we feel truly safe – as one always does in the hospital – we can plumb the deep depths of our sexual natures! We can push the envelope of the sexual experience in a way that's impossible for fearful home-bound lovers to do! We can create our own Kama Sutra! We'll call it Calmly Sutured! Wow, I just made that up! I'm a neologist as well as an ideologue! ha ha! I've always loved the feel of starched sheets on my bare bottom! Talk about primal! I'm getting excited just thinking about hospital love!
HUSBAND: Uh . . .
WIFE: Could you hurry up? Our sex lives are ticking away!
HUSBAND: The thing is . . . I don't know if I can make love with strangers watching.
WIFE: Strangers!! They're not strangers, dear, they're professionals! Anyway, if you can't get it up, we'll just have you induced.
WIFE: Jody's husband gets shots. But you can have pills. Whatever. Any drug will do to get the "engine" running! Just stick your butt in the air or lie on your back and open your mouth, and five minutes later you're ready to roll! And if the drugs don't work, one of the surgeons can make a little cut in your penis . . .
HUSBAND: Uh . . .
WIFE: Not a big cut, dear, just a little cut. A little cut to insert a state-of-the-art inflation device. Some quick stitches, pump you up, and you're ready to go! There are all sorts of things doctors can do these days to keep your pathological shyness from ruining our sex lives. It's the technological age!
HUSBAND: You know, honey, the more I think about it, the more the idea of making love in our own bed sounds pretty good.
WIFE: But we're high risk, darling! Can't you see? We shouldn't have to miss out on all that safety just because you want to make love in your comfy old bed! Why do you think lovemaking technology exists in the first place? So people can ignore it and have sex at home? We have to take advantage of our high-tech culture's arsenal of drugs, tools, and procedures for the betterment of the health of love! We have to be modern!
HUSBAND: What if I get an infection from that "little cut"?
WIFE: Don't worry about it!
HUSBAND: Oh. Okay. But how risky is my potbelly, really?
WIFE: It's not just your potbelly, dear, it's the whole gamut! Anything can happen! We could fall off the bed and get concussions! We could die! There are all sorts of ways to see home-based love as high risk.
HUSBAND: Okay, well, let's say we did make love in the hospital. Do you think the staff would let us dim the lights?
WIFE: Of course not! How would they know when to intervene if they couldn't see every inch of our flesh at all times? How would they know what tools to ready, what machines to switch on, what lotions to warm, if they couldn't witness every detail of our lovemaking sessions from every angle, acute and obtuse? Call me an exhibitionist, but I think you'll have to agree that it would be downright dangerous not to have the brightest possible fluorescent lights illuminating our deepest crevices and offering for public view our every conjugal entanglement. Do you remember that night when you hit me in the eye with your elbow?
HUSBAND: I regret it to this day.
WIFE: It's just not safe to make the beast with two backs without some serious medical technology around! Even the Bible says sex is dangerous!
HUSBAND: It does?
WIFE: Phyllis said so. Anyway, if we're able to avoid the perils of high-risk lovemaking, we're not just helping ourselves, we're helping others. Think of our children! Where would they be if we got injured or died during one of our nightly cucarachas? Black eyes! Broken ribs! Cardiac arrests! In the hospital, if my heart stops during one of my myriad bone-cracking orgasms, the nurses can just jam one of those big needles into my chest! Don't you see? The hospital institution is our culture's answer to the phenomenal dangers of hot sex! They have ice packs and everything! I can honestly say that I look forward to atrial dysfunction, and its attendant loss of consciousness, so that I can be magically revived by cutting-edge technology!
HUSBAND: Dear, I guess I just have to say that, after much thought, I'm not really ready for hospital lovemaking.
WIFE: Then we're never having sex again.
HUSBAND: I'll pack my jockstrap.
WIFE: The sweaty one from high school? I adore it! I'll pack my cheerleading outfit! Remember that night?
HUSBAND: It burns in my mind.
WIFE: I truly admire your newfound devotion to copulatory technology, honey. You're a man of your age.
HUSBAND: You're my inspiration, darling.
WIFE: I can't wait to find out what the nurses think of your jockstrap! Now, let's get to the hospital and have some really hot, really safe, sex!
I HAVE 12 SMILES IN THE JM SWAP SHOP!!!
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