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February 6th, 2007, 06:55 AM
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Acadia Acadia is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,377
I'm kind of monopolizing your board atm ... sorry but I have another question!

DF is really interested in most things I bring up (circumcision, vaccination, parenting styles, etc) and after a few conversations about what he thinks it means and what I think it means, he'll go off and do his own research and then tell me that he agrees for reasons A, B, and C. Which is great! He's become a lot more open to "new" ways of doing things and sometimes I overhear him talking to other people about it (like his friend's wife had a baby in the hospital and had a c-section ... I heard him on the phone telling him about how this, this, and this intervention is probably what caused the distress that made them "need" the c-section. I mean he probably shouldn't have said that but how cool that he cares!).

The only thing he hasn't been interested in is the idea of an unassisted birth ... which, as I said earlier, I definitely want (right now I do; maybe it'll change, I have no idea). He just can't get his head around the idea of not needing someone else present. He is the very one who started telling me how if I didn't want an OB he didn't understand why I would want a midwife, but now that I say maybe I don't, he's put the brakes on it!

It's really weird because he was totally into the idea of an unassisted pregnancy, and I never even brought that up to him! I've been reading stuff on my own but I don't know enough yet to form an opinion and discuss it. That's the one thing he started discussing with me instead of the other way around. He thinks that's a great idea and if I could really do all this stuff on my own (or not do it), why not if I want that experience? So why is he so against the idea of UC? Well, he said he's not against it, for other people, but he wants me to have assistance.

I just don't get him sometimes! Plus I know my mom and MIL will be so totally against it that it's not even funny. And UP!? Oh don't even get me started! They would totally freak and report me to CPS even if everything was perfect and I was keeping exact records of everything I measured/did. I think my MIL would do that with UC too (my mom wouldn't, she would just think I'm nuts, but be okay with it as long as a "professional" cleared me and if I choose UP that won't happen). In DF's family it's just not negotiable. You get pregnant, go to an OB every month, labor is induced but you end up having a c-section, then you have the baby circumcised if it's male (pierce the ears if it's female), and feed it a bottle of whatever formula the pediatrician recommends. And you'd better not ask any questions or refuse to do something, or even THINK about feeding it anything but store-bought baby food later! And buy stock in disposable diapers!

I think his resistance to the idea of UC is due to his coming from that kind of background but what am I supposed to say to that? Right now I'm just working on him, because he won't even read about it ... just knowing that he's open and researching it would make me happy! But as for my in-laws? What the heck am I supposed to tell them? They are not the type to take "smile and nod" for an answer. They want DETAILS.

That ended up being really long but I'm such a wuss when it comes to confrontations. I am just hoping there's a nice way to do this that I haven't thought of.
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