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February 21st, 2007, 07:08 AM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar
*Bobbie* *Bobbie* is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
Wednesday, 12w...1 week since my baby left me

Today is another day. Not a good one yet, but another one. The sun did come up after it set last night.

I had the worst two dreams ever last night. I was dreaming of miscarring. I guess it is the worst dream ever because in a matter of time it will come true. Both times I looked at my baby. I just don't know what to expect when I see him or her. So my mind is playing tricks on me.

I had dull cramping starting at 4:30am. It woke me up and I couldn't sleep again until 6:30. I am spotting brown again. I just wish I could get this over with. I feel sick to my stomach. I haven't really left my room in two days. I know I need to do something, but I really want to be at home when things pick up.

In my heart I feel like some kind of infection that I didn't know about caused my baby to die. I know it wasn't anything I did because I have been so careful with what I was eating and drinking. I haven't lifted anything, haven't over done it at all. I had a head cold for the past month. As soon as the baby was gone, so was my cold. It's weird.

I am going to find a new dr as soon as this is over. One that does frequent u/s. I will never be able to relax while pregnant again. I LOVE being pregnant. I guess that is what makes this so sad. It took us four years to get one positive test. Now it ends like this. It's heartbreaking.

Well, I guess I should at least shower today. I hate being alone. I almost asked Dave to stay home with me. But that wouldn't be fair. I go back tomorrow. In a way I am looking forward to it. It will help for me to be able to talk about what is going on.

I really miss my baby

12:30..... I got up and took a shower. Then I started laundry to find out we are out of laundry detergent. UGH. So I swept the floor in the laundry room and fed the cats. Then I went to do dishes and they had been in there so long that I didn't know if they were clean or dirty, so I ran it again and guess what we are now out of dish detergent. Then I decided to vacuum. That took all my energry I had left away. I went to wipe down the counter and no paper towels. Can you tell we are a mess right now? I need to go shopping. I should just send Dave but when he gets home I don't want him to leave me alone.

Now I may just take a nap
__________________
Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (22) Amanda (19) Matthew ( 4) and Daniel (3).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (23) and Krista (20)
step-grandma to: Wesley (3), Rosemarie (7 months)



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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