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February 21st, 2007, 07:08 AM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar
*Bobbie* *Bobbie* is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
Wednesday, 12w...1 week since my baby left me

Today is another day. Not a good one yet, but another one. The sun did come up after it set last night.

I had the worst two dreams ever last night. I was dreaming of miscarring. I guess it is the worst dream ever because in a matter of time it will come true. Both times I looked at my baby. I just don't know what to expect when I see him or her. So my mind is playing tricks on me.

I had dull cramping starting at 4:30am. It woke me up and I couldn't sleep again until 6:30. I am spotting brown again. I just wish I could get this over with. I feel sick to my stomach. I haven't really left my room in two days. I know I need to do something, but I really want to be at home when things pick up.

In my heart I feel like some kind of infection that I didn't know about caused my baby to die. I know it wasn't anything I did because I have been so careful with what I was eating and drinking. I haven't lifted anything, haven't over done it at all. I had a head cold for the past month. As soon as the baby was gone, so was my cold. It's weird.

I am going to find a new dr as soon as this is over. One that does frequent u/s. I will never be able to relax while pregnant again. I LOVE being pregnant. I guess that is what makes this so sad. It took us four years to get one positive test. Now it ends like this. It's heartbreaking.

Well, I guess I should at least shower today. I hate being alone. I almost asked Dave to stay home with me. But that wouldn't be fair. I go back tomorrow. In a way I am looking forward to it. It will help for me to be able to talk about what is going on.

I really miss my baby

12:30..... I got up and took a shower. Then I started laundry to find out we are out of laundry detergent. UGH. So I swept the floor in the laundry room and fed the cats. Then I went to do dishes and they had been in there so long that I didn't know if they were clean or dirty, so I ran it again and guess what we are now out of dish detergent. Then I decided to vacuum. That took all my energry I had left away. I went to wipe down the counter and no paper towels. Can you tell we are a mess right now? I need to go shopping. I should just send Dave but when he gets home I don't want him to leave me alone.

Now I may just take a nap
__________________
Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (23) Amanda (20) Matthew ( 6) and Daniel (4).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (24) and Krista (21)
step-grandma to: Wesley, Rosemarie, Scarlett



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon.
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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