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February 27th, 2007, 06:32 AM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar
*Bobbie* *Bobbie* is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
Tuesday 2-27-07 12w6d

Tomorrow I will be 13 weeks pregnant. It feels like the time has stopped since I heard those dreaded words. I go back to the Dr Thursday and can't wait to finally have some hope that this may be over soon.

We booked a cruise last night. I need something positive to look forward to. We love cruising and have a really good chance of getting an upgrade on this one. I would love a nice room to be able to just relax in. I want to just sit on the balcony in the middle of the Caribbean and just listen to the ocean. I want to feel the sun and the sand in my toes and know that life goes on. We won't be drinking as much on this cruise as we usually do. I really need this vacation to relax, not party. Plus my tolerance is now gone. Now all I have to do is lose a little weight. That shouldn't be hard right now. Food just doesn't appeal to me anymore. I feel like why bother.... I don't have to keep a baby healthy, the baby isn't alive.

Last night it felt like my body was ready to let the baby be born. It's hard to explain, but I get really bad periods with a lot of clotting. Sometimes very large clots. It felt like it does when I can feel a clot about to come out. I know gross...but that's what I feel like right now. A kinda sharp pain for a few seconds on and off. I have also been more tired than usual. I haven't seen any sign of blood or spotting though, hopefully soon.

Sometimes it feels like I am in denial. I keep thinking the Dr may have made a mistake and the baby really is alive. I know it isn't true, but I wish the baby would come out so my mind stops playing tricks on me.

I have to work tonight. It is hard to be there sometimes. I just need to stay busy, but have a hard time focusing on work.

As silly as it sounds, I can't wait to see my baby and hold her for a moment. I need to let her know I loved her so very much and be able to say goodbye. She was a gift from God for 11 short weeks, but I would not do it any different if given the chance. I am glad I got that much time to carry her. It's bittersweet. I wish I was given more time with her, but I will never regret conceiving her......
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Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (22) Amanda (19) Matthew ( 4) and Daniel (3).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (23) and Krista (20)
step-grandma to: Wesley (3), Rosemarie (7 months)



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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