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February 27th, 2007, 06:32 AM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar
*Bobbie* *Bobbie* is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
Tuesday 2-27-07 12w6d

Tomorrow I will be 13 weeks pregnant. It feels like the time has stopped since I heard those dreaded words. I go back to the Dr Thursday and can't wait to finally have some hope that this may be over soon.

We booked a cruise last night. I need something positive to look forward to. We love cruising and have a really good chance of getting an upgrade on this one. I would love a nice room to be able to just relax in. I want to just sit on the balcony in the middle of the Caribbean and just listen to the ocean. I want to feel the sun and the sand in my toes and know that life goes on. We won't be drinking as much on this cruise as we usually do. I really need this vacation to relax, not party. Plus my tolerance is now gone. Now all I have to do is lose a little weight. That shouldn't be hard right now. Food just doesn't appeal to me anymore. I feel like why bother.... I don't have to keep a baby healthy, the baby isn't alive.

Last night it felt like my body was ready to let the baby be born. It's hard to explain, but I get really bad periods with a lot of clotting. Sometimes very large clots. It felt like it does when I can feel a clot about to come out. I know gross...but that's what I feel like right now. A kinda sharp pain for a few seconds on and off. I have also been more tired than usual. I haven't seen any sign of blood or spotting though, hopefully soon.

Sometimes it feels like I am in denial. I keep thinking the Dr may have made a mistake and the baby really is alive. I know it isn't true, but I wish the baby would come out so my mind stops playing tricks on me.

I have to work tonight. It is hard to be there sometimes. I just need to stay busy, but have a hard time focusing on work.

As silly as it sounds, I can't wait to see my baby and hold her for a moment. I need to let her know I loved her so very much and be able to say goodbye. She was a gift from God for 11 short weeks, but I would not do it any different if given the chance. I am glad I got that much time to carry her. It's bittersweet. I wish I was given more time with her, but I will never regret conceiving her......
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Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (23) Amanda (20) Matthew ( 6) and Daniel (4).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (24) and Krista (21)
step-grandma to: Wesley, Rosemarie, Scarlett



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon.
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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