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March 11th, 2007, 08:00 AM
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*Bobbie* *Bobbie* is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
Sunday 3-11-07, 14w 4d ?

Yesterday was exhaughsting. Mom showed up early without calling. I was still in bed and planned on staying there. UGH

First thing she says to me is you don't look good! You look pale. Well, yeah Mom I am pale. I tried to be strong for a day and took a shower and we went shopping. Then we went to my daughters play (High School Musical) at school. It was fun to watch, but by the end of the night I was 100% wiped out. If I didn't let her see for herself that I was okay she would be here everyday. I love her, but I just want to lay in bed and read or watch tv. I wish she could understand that and leave me alone for a while.

The miscarriage has pretty much stopped. I called my Dr's office again yesterday and she said that it is possible that my body is still hanging on to whatever is left in the uterus. Possibly still the baby and placenta. She said it isn't like a full term baby where the body knows it is time. With an early loss my body could be still thinking it's pregnanat and holding on. She wants me to go into the office for an ultrasound tomorrow morning.

I still really want to continue this natural if the baby is still there. I hope my body isn't absorbing the baby as I speak. Although it's better than knowing I flushed it when my water broke. I would rather know my baby will be with me forever instead of in the toilet. I just wish I had answers. I only wanted to see her and say goodbye That may never happen.

I am still bleeding on and off. Mainly at night. I can stand long enough to take a shower and get dressed and then I feel like I need to rest for an hour. My head starts throbbing and I get dizzy. I called in sick to work and will probably do so tomorrow. I wish I had a job where you could "take it easy" if needed. I am not that lucky. It's give 110% or don't show up. I just don't have the physical strength to do that yet. That and not knowing if the baby is still in me or not makes it hard to go there and pretend everything is okay.

I wish I had a crystal ball.

5:00pm It's 5:00 on a Sunday afternoon and I am drinking wine. UGH It just sounded so good with a late lunch (soup). I took a shower and that stole all my energy so I put clean pj's on. I decided I am sick and tired of stupid pads. So I put on normal underwear and a pantyliner. That lasted all of 20 minutes. It felt good for 20 minutes to feel normal again! I feel some cramping and the bleeding comes and goes. I gave in and did the last HPT I had. I just wanted to see if I could tell if my levels went down. Nope very quick dark pink line. It's nice to have one last good thing from this pregnancy anyways.

I am praying for contractions and to see my baby still. Hope is not lost....yet Who in their right mind prays for contractions and blood???? I guess I am desperate. I have the house all to myself for 2 more hours. All four kids come home at 7:00. They are a big help with the housework.... it will be nice to have help right now. My tummy hurts, so I am going to lie down and read.
__________________
Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (22) Amanda (19) Matthew ( 4) and Daniel (3).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (23) and Krista (20)
step-grandma to: Wesley (3), Rosemarie (7 months)



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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