How to Answer some of those rude, stupid questions (humor)
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March 16th, 2007, 08:47 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Toronto, ON
Someone posted this on another site and I thought I'd share it with you all!
Q: What are you having?
A: Contractions. Gimme a minute here.
Q: Was this planned?
A: No, we were kind of hoping Steve would get pregnant this time.
Q: How long do you plan on breastfeeding?
A: Until he's twelve.
Q: Why aren't you breastfeeding?
A: Are you volunteering for the job?
Q: How long will you take off work?
A: Until they apprehend me in Mexico with the payroll checks.
Fertility Issues and Multiples
Q: Why do you go to the doctor so often?
A1: Mild case of hypochondria. A little cortisone should clear it right up.
A2: I like to get naked for strangers.
Q: Does that mean you're going to have like eight babies or something?
A: Yes, we're starting our own baseball team.
Q: You're doing in vitro? What's wrong?
A: I stood too close to the microwave and was accidentally sterilized.
Q: Low sperm count or blocked tubes?
A: Low IQ or just rude?
Q: Did you use fertility drugs?
A: No, I'm just extremely efficient.
Q: Oh my God! How do you handle three kids at once?
A: With a whip and a chair.
Q: Are you having a natural childbirth?
A: No, I'm having a pretend childbirth where you deliver a Cabbage Patch doll.
Q: Did you have to have an episiotomy?
A: Did you have to have that lobotomy?
Q: Why did you have a C-section?
A: Geez, I guess checked the wrong box on the delivery preferences form!
"Mixed" Children and Stepchildren
Q: He doesn't look like you.
A1: I know, he looks more like the mailman every day!
A2: I've always suspected he was swapped in the hospital, but it's too late to tell him now, right?
Q: What is their father?
A: An attorney.
Q: Are you the children's nanny?
A1: You're right, it's uncanny how rude some people are.
A2: Yes, I just don't get paid. At least, not in money.
Q: Is she yours?
A1: I can't remember, is this a Leap Year?
A2: No, they're giving them away at the bank when you open an account.
Q: Why do they live with you?
A: Because the circus wouldn't take them.
Q: Your daughter is 10? I hope I look that good when I'm your age!
A: We all hope so, dear.
Only Children vs. Many Children
Q: Why would you only want one child?
A: The dog is jealous enough as it is.
Q: Don't you think Hannah will be lonely without a sister or brother?
A: No, the voices in her head seem to keep her company.
Q: Is something wrong that you can't have any more?
A: We lost the directions and can't figure out how!
Q: Watch out, it's easy to spoil only children.
A: Is that what happened to you?
Q: You're pregnant AGAIN??
A: No, I just ate a big lunch.
Q: How many are you going to have?
A: We're going for a world record.
Q: Was this an accident?
A: Yes, I tripped and fell on top of my husband.
Q: Aren't you exhausted? How do you handle it all?
A: Vodka works nicely.
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