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August 3rd, 2005, 11:48 AM
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ericalaurel ericalaurel is offline
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Memphis, TN
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While I haven't dealt with post partum depression, I have been dealing with pre-partum depression since the first few weeks of my pregnancy. I am now 13 weeks along, and the severe mood swings are still with me. The depression ranges from a mild emptiness to severe depression which makes me feel completely useless and an absolute failure as a soon-to-be parent.

During these times I yell at my DH (who in reality is a really good hubby and very patient considering my hormones). We had an incredibly strong marriage that had been through nothing short of hell because of my previous job, etc., before the pregnancy, and we still do, but because of the mood swings and depression I sometimes convince myself that we will be hurting this child by staying together. I tell myself that we should be apart and I should just move home because we are too different, and that my DH takes me for granted, etc. We always work things out in the end, but I KNOW that I would not be having these feelings were it not for the hormones that I feel are simply out of control.

Luckily medication and talking about the emotions I'm experiencing do help some. However at times I still feel plagued by feelings of failure and lonliness. I feel like I'm going to let my child down once he/she is born, and like I already am by not doing what I should be health-wise during the pregnancy. I am ashamed to admit that at one point I considered terminating the pregnancy because I thought it would be better for the baby (which again, talking to DH has helped me though and gotten me past). This is something that I have always vehemently opposed for myself, no matter the circumstance, so I hope you can understand the severity of the situation.

It was at that point that I came to the Mental Health/PPD boards here on JM. I love my DDC, but knew that I needed advice from women who have specifically dealt with this. Here I've found support that I will always be grateful for-with each post I feel that I'm helping myself by expressing my feelings and just "letting it out", and the hope that my posts will reach (and perhaps help) someone else who is hurting only encourages me to post more.

I hope my message has helped in some way. If you have a story to share about PPD, will you please post it below? Your message may help someone who's reading this board more than you could ever know.

Take care everyone, and best wishes,
Erica
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