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April 22nd, 2007, 07:03 PM
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I found out I was pg on March 10, 2007 I was SO excited. I thought I had to be optimistic. I've had previous losses but i HAD to believe it wouldn't happen again. But optimism didn't help. In March I saw my

On 4/5/07 I went in to see my OB. new OB, first time seeing her. She did the u/s and couldn't find a heart beat. Come back in 2 weeks. That was it. Just come back in 2 weeks.

On 4/19/07 I went back for a second u/s. I should have been just over 10 weeks. No heartbeat, baby measured at 6 weeks 5 days. I had tested 6 weeks before and gotten a positive. So I KNEW this was wrong. But she sent me for blood work. My levels came back lower than my first levels (3700 were the first, I didn't ask about how much lower).

I knew before the levels came back my bean was gone. Since I had decided after the first u/s that I wanted to name my baby Faith or Hope if I had a girl, I decided this one was Faith.

Today (4/22/07) I went to church. I told my priest we had lost the baby and were just waiting to schedule the D&C or for me to naturally miscarry. He offered me comfort, took me into the Chapel (a part of the church where people go to mourn) and annointed me with "healing oils" and prayed for physical, emotional, and spiritual healing. I cried during his prayer. But it offered me comfort when i looked up and could see tears on this mans face. The man who came to my grandmas death bed, has done countless memorials and funeral services, and here he was crying for my Faith.

We told my SIL today too. She's pregnant. It was hard seeing her, but thats my neice shes carrying, due any day. It gave me hope. I worked nursery like I do every sunday. That was really tough for me. But I held the Sunday School Directors baby. She had suffered so many losses before her miracle daughter came, and her her little baby was. That in itself gave me more hope, but it didn't take away the pain. Then I went to church for prayer and communion. I almost broke down again, but since I hadn't told my son, I didn't let myself.

After church I sat with my son and told him. He said the most amazing thing to me. He said "mommy, baby Faith is in Heaven now. Theres no pain there, remember? Grammy loves babies, she'll take care of baby Faith."

At nearly 5, he had just the words I needed to hear, words I had said to him over a year and a half ago. "Theres no pain in heaven". I couldn't believe he remebered those words. Most of all I couldn't believe that the most comforting words came from my little boy, who doesn't fully understand yet he knew just what to say.
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