DH having doubts...
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May 11th, 2007, 12:06 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Sunny AZ!
So DH and I have been having some other issues lately - mainly that he gets home so late on weeknights that DS is already in bed and I am usually headed towards bed when he does roll in. And he's not working late - he's at the gym or playing volleyball with his buddies or maybe studying (he did have finals in his graduate class last week). So - things are already tense around here because I am nervous about taking care of two babies by myself, essentially.
Anyway - last night I mentioned that my OB had called me about my records transfer and when I told him I was planning an assisted homebirth he was very supportive. It was nice, he said I was the perfect candidate and he supported my decision completely and was sending all of my records and test results to the midwife today. So nice to have that kind of reaction.
So DH says, "Well, that's good. I just wish you would have waited to make sure we were 100% before you transferred the records."
We met with our doula and midwife on Saturday and Sunday morning had a long discussion about it in which I was pretty sure we BOTH agreed we would move forward with a home birth. I even told him when I was going to write the check to the midwife, that sounds pretty final to me!
So I told him that and then he said, "Well, can you have an epidural with a homebirth?" And I said, "No, but I don't need one" and then he said "You needed one last time" (Background - I was pressured into Pit and an Epi after 19 hours of labor after my water broke...a nurse checked me and said I was only at 4 and if I didn't do the Pit the OB would probably do a C/S. So I gave in. And that is exactly what I want to avoid.)
His comment really got to me, and I immediately started crying and saying that I knew I could do this and if he doesn't have faith in me then it will never work...I mean why is he doubting me now? He was so supportive of me going natural with DS I just never dreamed he would try and use that epi to talk me out of homebirth.
So he apologized and hugged me or whatever but then said, "why do you really want a homebirth, anyway?" GRRR. Like I haven't told him this a hundred times. I went over everything you all know - birth is not a medical event, I trust my body, I want to labor and deliver in peace and comfort, I believe a hospital labor is RISKIER than a home labor because of medical interventions, etc. He was like, "yeah - I guess I am still freaked out about the mess and stuff"
So get this - he was reading the prep packet from the midwife and when he got to tha part about how to make the bed during labor (shower curtains, two sets of sheets, etc) he was like "Oh we will have to get a new bed if you are going to use this one." I reassured him, repetivitely, that if I labor or even deliver in bed (plan is a water birth) that there will be no trace of it after clean-up. The matress will not be damaged at all. He was like, "That doesn't matter its still GROSS. And I won't sleep in this bed either after you deliver."
I am so mad by this point I basically tell him that if he wants I will move out into a red tent in the backyard like they did in the Bible and stay there for the rest of the pregnancy, birth and like 6 months postpartum since he thinks I am "unclean". I mean come ON, I get that mess and blood freaks him out but telling me we have to go out and buy another $1,000 mattress because he won't sleep on it if my blood even touched it after I birthed his CHILD!!!!
By this time i was crying of course, but I tried to pull it together enough to tell him I know asking him to support a homebirth is a lot to ask but asking me to have a hospital birth is a lot more to ask, and a lot riskier to me and the baby, in my opinion. I also told him he needs to read more abnout homebirths before he makes rash judgements (he hasn't even picked up one of the four books I borrowed from the midwife) and maybe talk to the midwife more and other HB dads.
Then I went to sleep crying. why does he have to be this way? Can't he just get over his stupid fear of "ick" and understand that this is one of the most beautiful and meaningful experiences of our lives and that "ick" is what is nourishing and keeping his son or daughter alive right now? This just upsets me so much I have been in tears since he left this morning.
Sorry this is so long i just needed to vent I guess. I just don't know what to do - I will not be forced into a hospital birth just to placate him...but can I have a successful homebirth when he is being such a immature a%&$@@^le?
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