I am looking around the site and see someone who is sad to be pregnant. Normally, I would probably just support that person ... but right now ... I am angry and bitter. How the <bleep> can anyone be SAD to be pregnant, how incredibly selfish. You don't want the baby? Well give the baby to someone who desperately wants another child! You can't raise the kid(s) you have now? Well <bleep>, get birth control! It's not that difficult to not get pregnant .... Grrrrr.

Just a bit bitter, eh?


It's only 6 days to Christmas and I feel like I don't even give a <bleep>. I almost feel like taking the tree down and putting away all our other Christmas decorations. I'm just, 100% not in the mood for Christmas.


When we drive down to visit my family on Friday night (the 24th). This is the first time I will see them since our loss last month. Well, technically my brother was here that week for a few days, but, that doesn't count. Nothing had really hit me yet. Now it's all sunk in that right now I should be feeling our twins kicking, finding out what gender they are ...

Nope, nothing. I feel empty.

I have a feeling I'll spend my entire visit sitting on the couch with my dog and crying into his fur. (My dog is very emotional with me, he will sit there and lay in my lap while I cry).


I had been so looking forward to signing our Christmas Cards "Love Randy, Ashley, Danny and Baby #2 & 3" or something like that. I was crying when I signed the stupid cards.



Cry, cry, cry!


I'm sick of it.









I've been putting in lots of extra time with Danny just holding him the last few weeks. Kid's probably sick of me asking for hugs and kisses ... I swear he told me to go away yesterday!



Bitter, bitter, bitter ... angry, angry, angry.