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June 12th, 2007, 11:58 PM
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Eagle, Idaho
I am now a GD graduate, my little boy is here!
I've posted this story at 5 other locations (off of justmommies.com) and I've been updating it each time, so this is version 6.0:
So after the two weeks or so of braxton hicks contractions that would get regular, but not too painful, just annoying, on Monday the 4th of June, 2007 at 4:30pm I started having regular contractions with some pain...and I really did think, "This is gunna be it." I only told one person because I said, I was not going in to be sent home again...and I knew I could probably just figure out how to wait til 6:30am at the induction time anyway, unless it sped up...the contractions weren't anything like the ones I had for the 2 weeks before, however they continued to stay at 10 minutes apart for the entire time before 6:30am, so I was disapointed, but still hopeful that maybe they had done a little something to make the labor go faster.
I had two major fears going into the labor; that the induction would take forever, or that it would fail and I would have a c-section. Which coincidently, often go together...and in fact two days later my friend that I met in my gestational diabetes class had that happen to her, a failed induction ending 15 hours later in a c-section.
Between the contractions and the anxiety of knowing I was being induced I went into the hospital (arriving slightly before 6:30am) on only 1 and half hours of sleep, 6 the day before, and sparatic sleep the day before because my beautiful daughter Courtney had been throwing up all night. I was really worried about the idea of being in one of those long induction stories and starting off with no sleep would make it even worse. I was counting on adrenaline kicking in at the thought of getting out of the pregnancy that had been so rough with the gestational diabetes and other minor complications.
They hooked me up to the monitors upon arrival and did their usual question:s "What medications are you on?" Same as when you asked me before...*sigh*. Eventually the nurse checked me...but she couldn't come up with a number I was dialated, however she said "You are pretty thin." I thought that was odd, cuz I had been 50% thinned for like 4 weeks...but I already knew to my sorrow that different people checking you can produce different results...though everyone who had checked me had come up with 50% thinned, just different dilation estimates. But at least she could for sure feel his head down there so I didn't have to worry he had turned or something.
Well, now it is almost 8am and my stupid doctor still hasn't been in...I know for him to make it back to the office out here in Eagle, he should have already come and borken my water so he'd be in Eagle for his appointments. BUt I wasn't worried yet, I was just chatting on Yahoo! messenger and feeling sad that the message board that I had counted on keeping me company during my labor was blocked at St. Al's.
At 8am the nurse wheels in the pitocin and says the doctor will be in at 11 to break my water. After all the happiness I had over the fact that he wasn't going to start me with pitocin, that he would do something which to me seemed more natural, I was furious and burst into tears. He and I had repeatedly discussed that was not the route I wanted to go, and that I was afraid of it and everything. I had come up with these fears of long inductions ending in c-section, because I know people it has happened to, so I did not want to be taking this route. And now here I was facing it when he had promised me that was not what was going to happen.
I ask the nurse why, she said she didn't know. I say I want to know why, so the nurse calls my doctor, and I eventually agree to it, and then suddenly he asks to speak to the nurse. And now that I've agreed to it, he says he'll be in before 11, he's going to move things...but I figure "before" could mean 10:30, and I know the later we start this the worse it'll be if it goes long, because I'll be all the more tired. Afterwards the nurse tells me that I don't have to do any of this, the induction, anything, that we could try nipple stimulation and ankle pressure. But I say I know that they are trying to do what's best for the baby with the induction because of the gestational diabetes.
So I tell the nurse I want the pitocin. At 8:45 we start the pitocin. I had spent a few more moments bursting into tears and then getting ahold of myself and then repeating that, because I was just not happy with this idea. But I was going to do it. I had also spent sometime discussing it with my loving husband Nick, and talking to him about what risks are associated with pitocin. Venting to whoever was on Yahoo! as soon as I got the computer afterwards.
When the nurse starts the pitocin, she says they start at 2ml and raise it by 2 every 15 mintues til I'm getting 3 good contractions every 10 minutes. I ask her what the average person has to go to for that to happen. Instead of answering my questions she says, "I can go up to 20ml without the doctor, and then I have to call him to go above that." All that does is freak me out...cuz 20 sounds like a ton with them starting me at 2. And I worry about all the side effects and such at 20ml. 2 sounds like something I shouldn't have to worry too much about, but 20????
Nick is hungry and furious with my doc, so he goes to get food and then be back, because he wanted to talk (or yell at) my doc, for lieing to me (cuz he really did...how did he not know he had a 10am appt????) and ignoring my concerns and such. While he's gone my best friend, Jessica, showed up...she was all upset she had to be at work at 10 and said she was thinking about calling in because she wanted to be with me. Thankfully she was there when the doc showed up because it isn't comfy having your water broken, so I was glad to have her hand to hold. I had Jessica call Nick and tell him to come back at this time...but he never did have to yell at the doc...cuz the doc was there breaking my water by like 9:15/9:30ish I believe.
By this time I was already having 3 contractions within 10 minutes so my fear about 20ml of pitocin never had to be tested. I was only at 4ml to get this result in fact and then he broke my waters, which made sure that I never had to go over 4ml.
I had only been on the pitocin for maybe 1/2 an hour when the doctor checked me before breaking my water. He said, "You've definatly changed since the office." He also made it clear he thought that was true before the pitocin...so apparently those weird contractions had actually dialated me another 1.5cm and effaced me another 20% cuz I was at 3cm and 70% effaced then, as opposed to the 1.5cm he had been telling me I was at since the first time he checked me at the office when I was 36 weeks and a few days pregnant, nearly 4 weeks earlier.
He left to go do what he had to do then and I continued on with labor. Jessica of course went to work and Nick returned to the hospital, I think those two things happened at about the exact same time.
Sometime shortly after that I had a rather long contraction and Rock's heartrate dropped quite a bit...I was a little nervous, and so were they as they asked me if it was OK to move to a monitor on baby's head for his heartrate instead of just a monitor on my belly. Of course I said it was fine. The nurse who came to put that on checked me and said I was now at 4cm. It took a minute or two and wasn't exactly comfortable, but they got the little monitor on his head and on with labor we went. I still felt pretty nervous for a few minutes though, I was worried about him, and worried that if it kept happening I'd need the c-section.
It wasn't too long after that when I started to be in a significant amount of pain. I had wanted to wait on the epidurl, but I just didn't think I would be able to, so they ordered it. I was 5/6cm when the guy got there to put it in. It didn't go well. While having Courtney I had an epidurl where they had me lay on one side to put it in, for this one I was sitting up curled in a ball. They kept telling me what a good ball I curled into. I really didn't care all that much because the contractions hurt really bad. First he gave me a local which hurt, but the epidurl almost killed me. I was having horrible pains in my right hip...the person putting the epidurl in kept having to back out of me, and finally decided that he didn't get the cath in far enough when he was about to be done. He said he would have to start over and I said, "No." So after a few moments of near crying/crying he left.
By this point Nick was already a much more active participant in my labor than in my previous labor. I had him rubbing my arm or my leg or my back or whatever was available whenever I was having a contraction, because the extra sensation took away some of my concentration on the pain. And sadly for Nick because I needed him during the epidurl he was not feeling too well because the idea of the big needle going into my back was really upsetting him, even though he couldn't see it, because he was ducking away from it. He also wasn't fully prepared for his job because he had not slept during the night, but during the day instead as he had not been feeling well.
I really didn't feel like I could do it without medication, but I also knew at that moment I couldn't go through the epidurl again. So the nurse offered me some sort of pain killer injected through an IV. I didn't worry about side effects I don't even think because I just knew I needed something and that something was a better something than the nothing I was currently dealing with.
Before she gave it to me she asked me if I had ever been very drunk, I had to say no, but she told me it would be sort of like that. I asked how long it would last, the loopiness that is, and she said about 45 minutes, and the pain killer would last about an hour. She told me not to fight the weird feeling because it would work better that way. It made me feel super loopy. It practically put me to sleep for 10 minutes...maybe it even did...I had my eyes closed for like an hour...the contractions still hurt way worse than they did at the same point with Courtney...but it may have taken a little bit of the edge off. Nick was the one on the laptop anytime after that, my ability to function was gone then. But it had caused a problem, because when the hour was up, I was still feeling sort of loopy, which may have been caused by the lack of sleep, or it may have been the drug went long on me.
I knew that wasn't going to be enough though, I was still in agony. So Nick suggested that they give me another dose of it and try the epidurl again, in hopes that the pain killer would kill the pain of the epidurl. I knew I needed something, so I agreed, and so did the nurse. So I was given round 2. About then my best friend was back because she couldn't concentrate on work. And by then I was saying I wanted my mother there...I just wanted anyone who would be comforting. I remember it was hard to actually have a conversation though.
At this point Nick kept going back to the other bedlike thing in the room and starting to rest or read and I kept asking him not to leave. He was thinking I meant the room, but really I meant my side. I was not handling the whole situation well. I mean I wasn't doing anything that really would have told somebody I wasn't handling it well, but inside mentally I wasn't. And once I got him to stay by my side I said maybe like 6 times during the rest of the labor "I'm not going to make it." Nick was scoffing it off saying, "Yes you will" in that tone that says come on, you don't even believe that. And it was true, I knew I would live, but at those moments, I wasn't sure how. And I even began to understand how some women would rather have a c-section, because I knew that would end it, it would be over then, but I wasn't about to ask for that!
A long time went by with no epidurl. It turned out the person who was to put in the epidurl this time came and got bad information and thought I had already had the baby. So it took about forever for the person to get back after we realized what had happened, but this time the epidurl went in much better...the pain was not severe at all, though I was in way more discomfort because the contractions were of course like 30 times worse. I was leaning on Jessica because not only did I have her and Nick rubbing my arms and legs and such, but at that time I even had the nurse doing it, because I was literally in agony. At one point the nurse had Jessica move in such a way I wasn't able to lean on her anymore and I pretty much wanted to scream at the nurse, but I tried as nicely as possible to tell her I needed something to lean on. It is rather hard to sit there in agony while somebody puts something in your back that is supposed to help, later, but hurts then. But we made it through it and the epidurl got placed this time.
Sadly after the epdidurl was in it didn't work anywhere near like my epidurl with Courtney did...in some ways it seemed to make things much worse. Now instead of having pain everywhere it was concentrated in one spot and it was like so much worse that I couldn't believe it. The first time I felt it, I honestly was thinking something was wrong with my epidurl instead of labor pains, like I was having nerve problems or something. But it continued to come and go like contractions. I honestly felt I was going to die every contraction, and they were coming fast now...as I was like 8cm by the time the epidurl was in, one thing that did coincide with my labor with Courtney. I couldn't even explain the agony I was in to people because the pain was in my butt, and hip and side, not in any normal place. And now between the pain, the fact that I had to be on my side and couldn't see anything, the tired and the loopiness from the drug I sort of have all the memories of the rest of the labor without any timeline...like it is jumbled or foggy, and I'm not always sure who was in the room then. The person who put the epidurl in remained in the room for like the rest of my labor, and I'm not sure why. I'm not sure when Jessica left the room, I feel like it was to get my parents, but when I think about that memory Nick wasn't there, was that because he was with Rachel, Bill and Courtney? You see, it is all a little hazy and I'm hoping that maybe Jessica and Nick can help me fill in what it is that's missing.
Now because of my extreme fatigue and pain I was also having sort of a hard time communicating. Like I would tell Nick, "Rub" when the contractions would start, but I couldn't really get the message to him either because I was confused or because they may have already put the oxygen mask on me...but I'll get to that in a second. I did kinda swat Nick a few times in this labor, he must really have prefered my labor with Courtney, I only remember feeling upset with anyone once or twice then, and only for a moment.
I remember them saying Rock was at +2 at one point and all I could think was if we could just get to pushing I could push him out and it'd be over...I knew it wouldn't be long cuz I could literally feel him in my butt and it was so uncomfortable.
I don't remember when my parents and Courtney got there. I had called them twice earlier, before it ever got bad wondering when they were coming, but when I heard they had actually arrived I said I didn't want to see them. But there did come a point where I asked for my mother. She asked me at some point if I wanted Dad...I know then I did have the oxygen mask on because it was hard to talk with her. I told her I did want Dad because I had been asking her to rub fast, because I still needed the rubbing to help, and she wasn't getting it, so I was hopeful Dad could help her. He couldn't...he was actually worse than she was. I told Mom to "shut up" at one point and she said, "this is your day" or something to that effect...I didn't have a hard time communicating that at least.
What I remember about the oxygen mask is that at some point I guess his heart rate was dropping. I had been looking at the monitor for most of the labor up to the first dose of the IV medicine, but after that I had my eyes closed a lot of time because I was so confused and tired. But without telling me or asking me or anything suddenly they were putting an oxygen mask over my face. I knew I hated things over my face, so in my mind I went into panic mode and was sorta pulling at it and asking why they were doing it, and for like 30 seconds it was awful, and after that I realized, "Oh, this isn't a big deal." You think, "they are putting something over my face, how will I breathe?" And then you realize, "Oh, that's what this is for." I couldn't tell that it was anything at all really, though it was a source of annoyance because of the communication issues it caused. However I have since seen video of me holding Rock shortly after the birth and with or without the mask I would have had communication issues, because I had no mask then and yet I have no idea what I was mumbling about!!!
Those last 2cm did not ever feel better on the pain, even though I had this epidurl in my back! I was on my side and then on my other side, they kept rolling me over trying to see if they could get the medicine to find its way to my right side where I was in pain. They also were trying to help me much more than I needed on the rolling because I obviously could still feel, hence why I was in so much pain!
Eventually the doc showed up and told them he wanted me to get more comfortable and then we would push. So they pumped up the epidurl, I didn't even want them to, I wanted to push, but they pumped it up til I was numb...numb for pushing! And I mean totally numb, like when you touch your face after dental work and can't feel your face, but you know you are touching it...that numb. Which I didn't even want because I knew it would just prolong the labor at that point, because I wouldn't be able to feel to push.
The monitor was on me so I was trying to get them to help me figure out when to push, but they weren't being very helpful. That was largely due to the fact that the oxygen mask made it impossible to actually communicate with them. I knew Nick knew what I had said, but the doctor and nurse were busy and thus not able to concentrate on my quiet requests from under the mask. Also from the signals Nick was giving me about what the monitor was showing, I don't believe the monitor was being exactly accurate on when I was having a contraction because somehow I could feel the top of my uterus now. So when I would contract I would push...but I knew I wasn't doing as good as I could without the epidurl...I kept searching for some muscle I could feel below my belly button and then I started to have pain right in the center down low on my abdomen...almost as soon as I found the pain the doctor said, "Congratulations." At that point all I was doing then was pushing, I had just decided if I couldn't get them to help me with when the contractions were and I couldn't get the doctor to even be on the same page as me about what I was doing I was just gunna push as often as I could. The doctor would notice like at my 7 count that I was pushing and he would start counting "1" and I was like, "Uh, no..." But we made it to the "Congratulations" anyway.
I had no feeling down below my pubic bone anywhere for sure so when the doctor said "Congratulations" I was kinda like, "Why?" in my head. And the baby still wasn't out enough that I could see him or anything, and it felt like "Well, what should I do now?" since the baby wasn't out, but a minute later the baby was out...and the doctor said "2:18" and I said "What is?" And then I realized he must mean a time! Luckily he didn't hear me say "What is?" because between the fact that nobody can ever hear me, because I'm weridly quiet and the oxygen mask covering my face it was just an inaudible thing that just as well had only gone on in my mind!
My mother guessed about 10 minutes of pushing, I had guessed 15, Nick said like 15-18pushes, so it went fast, but I swear had they not pumped up the epidurl, it would have been like 1 push and he would have been out. In the room for the birth were both of my parents and Nick.
5 1/2 hours after the pitocin was started Rock Nicholas Rowles was born...weighing in at 7lbs 7oz and 20inches long. When he was first placed on me he was all covered in the goop and bloody at one end...he was crying too, I know they are supposed to do that, but I honestly don't remember Courtney crying. He preceeded to cry for the next two hours in fact. I couldn't believe how tiny he looked though. Nick says the first thing I said was, "Oh gosh" and I don't know what I was "Oh goshing" about...but it may have been how tiny his little head seemed!
Love and God Bless,
Thanks to *Kiliki* for the siggy!
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