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June 21st, 2007, 11:53 AM
CharmieCM CharmieCM is offline
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
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We belong to eachother, so it isn't just "my body" anymore....it's "our body." Same with him (which is why he doesn't just go out getting new tattoos or something without my approval). In the same breath, because we're a team he was very respectful about considering homebirth even though he didn't like the idea at first. He realized it was important to me and was willing to try to understand why I wanted it so much. The only reason he was reluctant was because he's such a good husband and father, he was afraid it would not be safe and one of us would get hurt. I can't fault him for caring about us so much. We met with the midwife before making our final decision, and he was able to ask her about all the worst case scenerios running through his mind, and she shared exactly how she would deal with each one. She was also very clear about the fact that she wouldn't try to be a hero and take on a complication that should be dealt with in a hosptial, she would transfer me the moment she suspected anything was wrong. Then after we had our first homebirth, he became more in favour of homebirth than me! When I was expecting #4 I suggested that it would be ok if we had another hospital birth because cash was tight (we pay out of pocket for homebirth, but hospital birth is covered by health care). He said, "No way! I'm not going to make you go through that again. I'll make it work." And he did. [/b]
Personally, this is the attitude that I think is healthiest regarding homebirth, but I have seen so many women who let their husbands own their bodies more than they do that it is actually disturbing to me. I don't think it is any healthier (or safer, for that matter!) for a husband to say "NO HOMEBIRTH AND THAT'S THAT" than it is for a wife to say "HOME AND THAT'S THAT," KWIM? Ideally everyone would be able to see the other person's point of view and look at the situaiton objectively. I personally can't ever imagine telling my husband "I don't care, I'm doing it my way" but equally foreign to me is my husband trying to tell me what to do with my body, whether it carries his child or not! I mean, he chose me as the mother to his children, so it only makes sense to trust me to mother the children, really!!

This is such a complex issues for many couples that I work with (or end up not working with, as the case may be). It was really surpsing to me how many husbands truly feel (and are!) able to say "absolutely not." Its probably the hardest part of my profession, actually, seeing women forced into things they don't want by men that they love.
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Charlotte, midwife mama to Samuel and Atley, mourning the loss of our "March Baby"
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