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June 28th, 2007, 11:05 PM
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KBeans KBeans is offline
Believe in your body
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Location: Vegas (born and raised in south Jersey)
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the doctor i raved about and went to have a consult with today....he said no. he won't do a VBAC and even had the nerve to tell us in a nice way that if my uterus ruptured even if there were doctors all around me, the baby would die right then and there. now dh is in a fit and scared. i have been crying all day and night, ever since right there in the office with the doctor. i explained everything to him about both c-sections and the horrors of both of them. ricky's birth - with the overdosing me on demerol and not remembering his birth, and with christian and the horrid excruciating healing process.

he said that the healing of the surgery from ricky counds like a great and pleasant normal one, which it was. but that the recovery time with christian seems like this is what happened:

when the doctor sews up the uterus and the muscle layers, if he goes too hard or too deep then it will sometimes catch a nerve! and can also pull the muscle too tight - which sewing the nerve then leads to the burning sensations i had forever on the one side and the muscle leads to the twitching and thumping i had on the other side....and i had such a hard time going to the bathroom afterwards, which he told me that if there is consitpation problems then the bowel intestines will swell and cause a lot of discomfort and pain.


honestly, i know hat he says makes sense, but it doesn't take away the chances of it happening liek that again. and it doesn't help the fact that my choices have been made for me and i have been "scared" into having the past c-sections, and im yet again being bullied into another.

girls i have no clue what to do. im so lost and so sad and feel like such a failure that i didn't stand up for myself when i was 19. that i didn't educate myself more when i was pregnant with ricky, although i prepped myself and took seirous lamaze classes, i didn't actually educate myself. and i feel like because someone else made the choice of completely dopeing me up when in labor with ricky, i will forever now pay for it, i am living with that mistake now for the rest of my life, and i feel like i am not allowed to have a choice or say in my own body anymore. someone else took my rights away from me and i feel helpless, frustrated, hurt, mad....and very very very sad.

ok done venting.

UPDATE:
i talked to the person who runs ICAN (international cesarean awareness network) chapter in las vegas, and she had a lot of useful information.
i told her about the percentages and what the doctor said, and she said that a doctor will use a study that works for what they want and she obviously does too but that the 5% rate includes vaginal births that were induced! that changes A LOT. most cesareans begin with induction, and a uterine rupture is much more likely when your body isn't allowed to progress on it's own, and is forced with indction techniques. she said the percent is actual at a .5% when allowed to progress alone and naturally, and that only .13% of THAT .5% end up in an emergency/serious rupture.

honestly at this point i feel pulled in so many different directions, i feel like no one is completely out for the best of me, but the best of what THEY feel is for me. it's hard to know what to do when being thrown precents and stats from all over the board.

but she did add that im pretty much S.O.L. with finding a doc in las vegas that will touch a 2-cesarean VBAC. she gave me one more doctor's name and im off to check my insurance right now to see if they cover that doc. but if not, she said that the midwife i wanted is actually HER midwife! and has done her VBACs and i also talked to the midwfie earlier today...well they both said that she's very good about sliding scale, which we had known but even on the lowest end of the scale we were NOT able to pay that much, but that i can talk to her more in depth about the cost..so it's still in the air, who knows. im probably going to give birth in the car.
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