Topic: Sam
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  #1  
August 20th, 2007, 08:02 PM
julie5 julie5 is offline
Regular
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
Posts: 1
Nine days ago today, my son Samuel was born during my twenty fourth week of pregnancy. He was stillborn. I was having no complications or indications that this pregnancy would be any different from my other four pregnancies. I have an eleven year old son, an eight year old son, a six year old daughter, and a four year old son. I had been to the doctor for a routine exam one week prior, and all of my children got to hear Sam's heartbeat. All of the children were eagerly awaiting Sam's November arrival. I was putting together a guest list for my baby shower, the first shower I was going to have since my eleven year old was born. I noticed Sam was not kicking a lot on August 10. My husband and I were on a date night, a rare occurrence. We decided to go to the hospital to get Sam checked out. They could not find his heartbeat. and their was no amniotic fluid surrounding him. We were in a state of shock. My sister came to the hospital to support my husband and me. Soon our priest came as well. I was put into labor around midnight, and Sam was born at 6:00 a.m. on August 11. He never took a breath. My husband and I got to hold him; he had perfect fingers and toes. His nose looked just like his eight year old brother's. We had a prayer service on August 16 with a private burial at the Catholic cemetery, a few blocks from where we live. My life seems unreal these days. I miss Sam constantly, but there is little time to slow down. My children start back to school tomorrow and soccer practices and piano lessons are well under way. I feel like a robot just going through the motions. My husband and I are both thirty-nine. Sam was supposed to be our last baby, but life threw us a curveball. Everything is unclear now, my faith has taken quite a jolt. When will the agonizing pain and the what if's get better? I still blame myself, maybe there was something I could have foreseen.
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