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August 21st, 2007, 12:41 AM
Hi - I am glad to find this forum...because everyone everywhere else is so happy to be pregnant. I will get there too, but right now I'm feeling pretty low.
DH and I have three kids (we each have one from a previous relationship, and then we have our son). We had decided we were done, but DH works for a catholic hospital, so their insurance doesn't cover a vasectomy. I can't be on birth control hormones for health reasons. We were saving for the procedure - and being really careful. But nothing is 100%...and I'm here to prove it!
I am so stressed out with the kids we already have...my stepson has adhd, my toddler is full force in the terrible twos...not to mention finances. Right now my retired parents watch my son while I work, but I know they can't handle a baby too...and I wouldn't ask them to. But I have no idea how we are going to fit childcare into our budget that is already stretched thin.
My husband is upset...but he isn't being unkind or inconsiderate. I can tell he's unhappy, and I don't know the words to try to make things better. "Everything will be all right" just doesn't apply here.
I think the thing I am most stressed about is telling people (I'm going to put that off at least until the second trimester). My family is very open and we had already shared that we were not planning to have any more kids. My brothers give me grief constantly about my parents watching my son, even though they love to do it, and they would be heart-broken if I put him in childcare. I know I will get the comments like "don't you guys know how that happens?", and "I hope you know mom and dad can't watch this baby too." I'm just dreading it.
To make matters worse, I just started a new job three months ago. It's a great job, and I don't want to do anything to jeapordize it, and of couse, the baby will be due about 1 month before I am eligible for FMLA leave. Even if they do keep me on, I won't be eligible for any paid leave.
I know there are so many people who are a lot worse off than me, and I'm really grateful for how blessed my life's been. But right now, this just sucks, and I'm throwing myself a big ole' pity party.
Thanks for reading.