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September 22nd, 2007, 09:30 PM
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: The Jersey Shore
September 22, 2007
I decided to start a journal today here online. With Hayden's first birthday coming up, I think it will be really good for me to get some of my feelings out. October 13, 2007 will be Hayden's 1st Heavenly birthday. I really can not believe it has been this long since I last held my baby girl. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that I was in the hospital being induced just waiting for my baby to be born. I didn't know what to expect at all. I had never experienced childbirth before. I hadn't even yet taken any of my birthing classes like I had wanted to. I can still remember every single detail from that day. And here I am almost exactly ONE whole year later. When I think back I can NOT believe how I made it this far. Throughout my pregnancy I guess I always had the feelings that something was going to happen. I thought, if my baby died so would I. But when reality stepped in & it all really happened I didn't die physically that is. A part of me did die when my baby did. Since it has been almost 12 months that Hayden was born I have changed a lot! I don't act or think the same ways I used to. I am definitely more cautious about everything and appreciate life to the fullest. Although I have gone through all this pain & will continue to for the rest of my life I would NOT take any of it back, unless of course it ment Hayden growing up here with me, but I would not ever want to erase Hayden from my life. She has become such a HUGE part of me & when I think of life without her I can't imagine it at all... I love & miss my baby girl, forever & always! I really hope that Hayden's first birthday is as beautiful as I'd like it to be.
<span style="font-family:Georgia">Heather(21) ~ Mommy to Angel Hayden</span>
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