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September 24th, 2005, 06:29 AM
Join Date: May 2005
I miscarried my first at about 5 1/2-6 weeks in January 2003. We didn't tell hardly anyone about it so most people don't know (just very immediate family). Since then we weren't trying but not doing much to prevent either, we figured whatever happens will happen. Now that I'm pregnant again people always ask me if this is my first. I always tell them yes but I feel so bad like I'm betraying my first baby in a way by not acknowledging him/her. But I also don't want to go into my personal history with everyone who asks and explain the story. I guess I just feel guilty and sad about the first baby and don't know how to not feel guilty but also keep our privacy. We also have some family that do not approve of this baby--and have no problem saying so--since we're not married yet (even though we were engaged 8 months when I found out) and are not canceling our wedding plans to have a "shotgun wedding". I guess it just makes me more mad when we encounter not so nice remarks about this pregnancy when I already lost one and had a very hard time moving past it. Sorry, I think I'm rambling now. We're so ecstatic about our little boy coming but I still can't help but feel guilty for not acknowledging our first. How do I feel better about all of this?
Our angel baby forever missed--1/3/03
Ailish Laura born October 20th, 2012.
8lbs 12oz and 20.75 inches
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