Still feeling like I don't want this baby. . .
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October 31st, 2007, 07:15 PM
Join Date: Oct 2007
Sorry about being so vague. I wasn't sure how much I wanted to reveal. But. . .I think it might actually be cathartic for me to divulge a bit more.
I was supposed to enter an order of sisters (i.e. a convent) last month. It probably sounds crazy to many of you, but it was a dream come true for me, as I am totally in love with God and wanted to give my life in service with an amazing group of women. What happened with my now husband was just supposed to be "one last fling." After being celibate for almost 3 years, I just wanted to be with a man again before making such a huge, life-long commitment to being single. OOOPS!!!! End result, of course, was nothing fling-like at all, but a marriage, a baby, and a huge change of direction in my life.
So, as you can see, this dream is now officially IMPOSSIBLE for me. I still cry sometimes about what I've lost and the people I've let down. . .but I'm trying to remember what I've gained as well. I also trust that God loves and forgives me and will help me find a new form of ministry in my life.
Thanks for listening. . .
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