Why do you feel grief?
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February 23rd, 2008, 02:26 PM
Join Date: Sep 2006
Do you feel cheated? Was the surgery and/or recovery traumatic for you? Was it being out of control of the situation?
For me, I loved being pregnant. Of course I didn't like the nausea or food restrictions or hip pain during the last 6 weeks, but it was such an amazing experience and one I am so grateful for having. I wanted that to carry over into her birth. I wanted to feel her come out of me, see her head in the mirror, that sort of thing. When she was born in the OR I didn't feel it, I didn't see her. All I heard was her first cry. I have a hard time connecting that she was the little person inside of me.
Then after she was born, I feel like I missed out on a lot because I couldn't get up and move around. I couldn't even sit up on my own. I didn't see her feet until she was a day or two old because she was wrapped up and I couldn't unwrap her on my own. I didn't see the meconium because I couldn't get up to change diapers until day 3 or 4.
I don't think a cesarean is a bad way to give birth, but it wasn't what I expected. I'm okay with it overall, but I feel like I missed out on a lot. I remember crying when dh loaded pictures onto my laptop in the hospital and I got to see her cord. It's little things like that that I miss.
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