JustMommies Message Boards

JustMommies Message Boards (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/)
-   Abortion Debate (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f104-abortion-debate/)
-   -   If your daughter became pregnant... (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f104-abortion-debate/2323516-if-your-daughter-became-pregnant.html)

Quantum_Leap May 9th, 2011 08:32 PM

If your daughter became pregnant...
 
...at the age of 12 or 13, and she did not want to have an abortion, would you force her to have one?

What if she were even younger? What if she were older?

At what age, if any, is this a decision that should be made by the parents rather than by the pregnant girl?

angelsailor288 May 9th, 2011 08:47 PM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
Hmm this is a really tough question for me. I really dont think a 12 year old is mature enough to make these decisions at all or live with any of the consequences. I'll have to come back with a more define answer because I just don't know.

New Mama May 10th, 2011 06:09 AM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
Tough question.

If my daughter really didn't want to have an abortion, I can't imagine forcing her to have one (at any age). I'd be too afraid of the lasting emotional damage it could cause, (although I realize there could be some serious emotional 'issues' from being pregnant for 9 months and of course having said baby as a 12 year old for instance).

As far as raising the baby, I think we'd have to take into consideration a variety of external factors: her age, maturity level, her wishes, her relationship with SO (if there was one), etc. before we made any permanent decisions.

It's so hard to know exactly what I'd do in a situation without knowing all the details. I think it's easy to say I for sure would do this or that, until you're really living it, so I can't say with 100% certainty that I'd do this or that.

challowell May 10th, 2011 06:14 AM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
I would not force an abortion on anyoone. It could cause more emotional damage than the pregnancy itself. I would probably raise the baby untill she graduates but she would have to help care for the baby when she comes home from school.

K.A.T May 10th, 2011 07:38 AM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
I wouldn't be able to force one at any age. I would encourage like there is no tomorrow, but I can never force the issue.

godzgrl4evr May 10th, 2011 03:41 PM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Quantum_Leap (Post 23856557)
...at the age of 12 or 13, and she did not want to have an abortion, would you force her to have one?

What if she were even younger? What if she were older?

At what age, if any, is this a decision that should be made by the parents rather than by the pregnant girl?

This is a toughie. While I disagree with abortion, this is a tough decision. If it she isn't in any danger by being pregnant, I would let her carry and if she wanted to keep it, I agree with a pp by raising the baby and trying to get her to help until she turns a certain age to be able to take the responsibility on. Or if she doesn't think she could handle it wants to give her or him up for adoption, I'd support her in that decision. Now if she wanted to have an abortion... I just don't know what I'd do.

ETA: My best friend had a baby at that age, we were both going to the same school... it can be done and I know she was healthy enough to do it. I'm not certain about all girls though.

Mom2Froggy May 10th, 2011 05:59 PM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
I would never force her to have an abortion.

I would probably push towards adoption, or raising the child myself. But in the end, the decision is hers. We would go to counseling, we would discuss options, and in the end the decision is hers and hers only.

Quantum_Leap May 10th, 2011 06:50 PM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mom2Froggy (Post 23864964)
in the end the decision is hers and hers only.

But why is that the case? That's not true for other medical decisions that involve girls this young. You don't let her decline to visit the dentist just because she doesn't want to. You wouldn't let her decline a life-saving surgery just because she was frightened. And in fact, if she had some kind of chronic medical condition, and there were two possible treatment options (let's say, chemotherapy v. surgery to remove a tumor), you would probably make the call for her as to which treatment she should receive. Why is abortion the one and only medical procedure where she should be able to make the call?

What if your daughter was this girl, who became pregnant at the age of 5? Lina Medina - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I'm trying to see where people will draw the line here.

Mom2Froggy May 10th, 2011 06:55 PM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Quantum_Leap (Post 23865358)
But why is that the case? That's not true for other medical decisions that involve girls this young. You don't let her decline to visit the dentist just because she doesn't want to. You wouldn't let her decline a life-saving surgery just because she was frightened. And in fact, if she had some kind of chronic medical condition, and there were two possible treatment options (let's say, chemotherapy v. surgery to remove a tumor), you would probably make the call for her as to which treatment she should receive. Why is abortion the one and only medical procedure where she should be able to make the call?

What if your daughter was this girl, who became pregnant at the age of 5? Lina Medina - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I'm trying to see where people will draw the line here.

If my daughter is of normal, childbearing age (so not in the case of a 5 year old... but lets say 12, 13, and on up) the decision is hers because it's not my body. I will NEVER force an abortion on my child. Why? Not my body. It is always an option if she wants it, if she feels its best then we would go for it. I just don't feel it's my choice to make that decision for her. My sister was raped at 15 and had a baby from it... my parents let her make the choice as to what to do. It's important to us to make our own reproductive choices. So honestly, while I may not want a daughter that is pregnant at 13, I will not force her to make a decision she doesn't want to make. It's not my body. Not my choice.

AMDG May 11th, 2011 06:27 AM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Quantum_Leap (Post 23865358)
But why is that the case? That's not true for other medical decisions that involve girls this young.

I think this is a very interesting question. I would guess people are reluctant to say they would force their daughter to have an abortion because they know it isn't the same as any other medical decision. Not responding to anybody in particular but it seems people want it both ways - they want to be able to say itsn't yet a real human being growing inside the 12 year old but that the same time they see something morally wrong with forcing an abortion on someone. Why? Whenever I argue that I am against abortion even for 12 year olds people jump all over me about how life threatening it is etc etc - what other life threatening "condition" would you let your 12 year old refuse to treat?
I doubt anybody would throw out the whole "her body her decision" line if we were talking about having one's apendix removed or getting braces. I remember when I was about 12 my parents telling me I needed to get braces - I told them I didn't care and I thought my teeth looked fine and would they please just give me the money to use for something else. Absolutely not they said - you will thank us later and when you are adult you will be glad you have nice straight teeth! They were right and nobody now or then would jump up and down and claim they were wrong because it was "my body, my decision."

K.A.T May 11th, 2011 07:35 AM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Quantum_Leap (Post 23865358)
But why is that the case? That's not true for other medical decisions that involve girls this young. You don't let her decline to visit the dentist just because she doesn't want to. You wouldn't let her decline a life-saving surgery just because she was frightened. And in fact, if she had some kind of chronic medical condition, and there were two possible treatment options (let's say, chemotherapy v. surgery to remove a tumor), you would probably make the call for her as to which treatment she should receive. Why is abortion the one and only medical procedure where she should be able to make the call?

What if your daughter was this girl, who became pregnant at the age of 5? Lina Medina - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I'm trying to see where people will draw the line here.

I see that differently. I cannot see how a 5 year old can carry to term and then deliver a baby safely. So I would view it as a medically necessary abortion.

MzzMommaD May 11th, 2011 10:06 AM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
I would talk to my child and help her determine if she is really sure she is ready. And if the father is in her life and involved, i would sit down with both of them. What ever they chose I would support, though i may not be happy about their choices. If they wanted to abort, i would support her/them because its what they felt was right (however I'm not so sure i would help pay for it since it was their choice to have sex in the first place). If they chose adoption, thats fine, its their choice, but i would want to make sure they were fully prepared to carry this baby then give it away. To keep it? I wouldnt be pleased at all, but it its what she/they decided on then so be it. If they make this choice i expect them to know that they or she will be fully responsible for this child. I wont be a financial ticket to help her get by, just for support emotionally and mentally (unless financially it was an emergency or she were still too young to have an income of any sort) I say this because i had a miscarriage at 15, and had only known i was pregnant for a week but was already a little ways into it, i just managed to never notice somehow but was in a bad place in life. Its all an image so crystal clear in my mind, i would pray that my child never goes through something like that. But I'm happy to think back and can say that i would have never been able to raise that child i wasn't ready.

My2miracles May 11th, 2011 10:23 AM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
I would present all the options and coach her through the decision making process - pros & cons of each option. Ultimately it would be her decision & I would back her 100% in whatever decision she made. I'm also of the it's her boyd mentality. If she's old enough to have relations then she's old enough to make decisions.

GSLynn May 11th, 2011 12:00 PM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Quantum_Leap (Post 23856557)
...at the age of 12 or 13, and she did not want to have an abortion, would you force her to have one?

What if she were even younger? What if she were older?

At what age, if any, is this a decision that should be made by the parents rather than by the pregnant girl?

No and legally, I couldn't force her. A pregnant woman (regardless if she 's actually a girl or not--as long as her reproductive system is developmentally a woman's (barring some weird medical condition, this would happen around 10 years and older) she's legally a woman in the eyes of the medical community in most states) has the right to her own care, regardless of age and in fact, the doctor cannot even contact the parent.

Also, it is VERY RARE that a 5yo would ever get pregnant, it would be a fluke. Plus if a 5yo got pregnant, it'd be rape no matter what because a 5yo can't consent to any type of sexual actvity. Heck most 5yo's can't even write their names yet, so the mental and developmental capacity is much different than that of a 12 or 13yo girl. Unfortunately, a 12 yo can easily say yes and most of these girls have some idea of what they're doing, even if they don't know the long-term consequences of their actions. The only case where I do not believe a 12 yo can consent is in the case where the bf is over 18.

But a 12 yo and a 13 yo can make a baby and it's not "statutory rape" nor is it technically illegal. Sucks, but it's true.

All I can do is hope I raise my daughters and sons to make good decisions...and if they make a mistake, I am not going to sit and force them to make a decision they may regret. As it is, if my 12 yo came home pregnant, we'd have a real problem; I won't add any more stress to an already terrible situation.

New Mama May 11th, 2011 08:41 PM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AMDG (Post 23867944)
I think this is a very interesting question. I would guess people are reluctant to say they would force their daughter to have an abortion because they know it isn't the same as any other medical decision. Not responding to anybody in particular but it seems people want it both ways - they want to be able to say itsn't yet a real human being growing inside the 12 year old but that the same time they see something morally wrong with forcing an abortion on someone. Why? Whenever I argue that I am against abortion even for 12 year olds people jump all over me about how life threatening it is etc etc - what other life threatening "condition" would you let your 12 year old refuse to treat?
I doubt anybody would throw out the whole "her body her decision" line if we were talking about having one's apendix removed or getting braces. I remember when I was about 12 my parents telling me I needed to get braces - I told them I didn't care and I thought my teeth looked fine and would they please just give me the money to use for something else. Absolutely not they said - you will thank us later and when you are adult you will be glad you have nice straight teeth! They were right and nobody now or then would jump up and down and claim they were wrong because it was "my body, my decision."

I'm sorry, but I'm honestly failing to see the comparison between having an appendix removed and forcing a 13 year old to have an abortion.

Sure, my daughter might not like the discomfort of having her appendix removed but 1) it could potentially save her life 2) I'm pretty sure, although not 100% positive, that she'll emotionally heal from a 1 hour surgery.

However, I'm not so sure she would emotionally recover from being forced to have an abortion.

As far as life threatening conditions go, and I'd probably have to research more, but I would think it's possibly illegal to not treat your child for a life threatening illness.

Here's a recent case where the mom was sentenced for not giving her autistic child meds for his cancer.

Jury convicts mom who withheld cancer meds - Health - Kids and parenting - msnbc.com

AMDG May 12th, 2011 06:35 AM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by New Mama (Post 23875447)
I'm sorry, but I'm honestly failing to see the comparison between having an appendix removed and forcing a 13 year old to have an abortion.

Sure, my daughter might not like the discomfort of having her appendix removed but 1) it could potentially save her life 2) I'm pretty sure, although not 100% positive, that she'll emotionally heal from a 1 hour surgery.

However, I'm not so sure she would emotionally recover from being forced to have an abortion.

I'm sorry, :) I think you completely missed my point. I agree with you! Having an abortion, at any age, for any reason, is very serious because the person is ending another person's life.
Most people who are pro-choice claim that it is not a life being destroyed and that, especially early on in the pregnancy, it is an easy procedure that is very safe and could save a young girls life.
Hmm..sounds similar to an appendix - not destroying a life, relatively easy procedure, and could save the young girls life. (it is not always an emergency surgery, so I just say "could save")

New Mama May 12th, 2011 06:57 AM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
Okay...I at least see what you're saying now. You're right, I definitely took it out of context the first time. Thanks for clarifying.

sandyjoys May 12th, 2011 08:07 AM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
I wouldn't force her, but I would strongly encourage it. I would talk to her about the ramifications of going through a pregnancy at such a young age, her social standing, becoming a mother when her body hasn't even finished maturing yet... if she decided she couldn't do it, then we would talk about adoption. And my heart would break every step of the way.

One of the reasons I'm glad I have boys (not that boys are any less responsible, but at least they don't have to have the medical procedures, no matter what they choose).

justarandomname47 May 12th, 2011 11:19 AM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
The only reason I foresee that I could ever force my child to have an abortion would be to save her life.

plan4fate May 12th, 2011 12:03 PM

Re: If you daughter became pregnant...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by sandyjoys (Post 23878134)
I wouldn't force her, but I would strongly encourage it. I would talk to her about the ramifications of going through a pregnancy at such a young age, her social standing, becoming a mother when her body hasn't even finished maturing yet... if she decided she couldn't do it, then we would talk about adoption. And my heart would break every step of the way.

One of the reasons I'm glad I have boys (not that boys are any less responsible, but at least they don't have to have the medical procedures, no matter what they choose).

A girl can only be knocked up once (at a time). A young buy can impregnate dozens of women at once, and they are no less responsible for those babies than a young girl is.

I would not force any child to have an abortion. However, if my child wishes to bring the baby home and have her considered the mother, she will have 0 social life. She will do all the activities required to graduate and get into college. But there will be very little outside of that until she is 18 and I will look after the baby at home during the day and while she does home work, after that, it's her responsibility until she goes to school the next morning, and all weekend. I am not sure how I would put responsibility on the father of the baby at this point, would probably have to sit down with his parents to discuss finances, because they're just as responsible for him as we are for her.

if this were my son and not my daughter and her parents wanted to keep the baby, we would take responsibility as his parents for 1/2 of the costs of raising the baby (diapers formula, basic clothing etc...) However, at 16 our son could theoretically get a job, and at that point he would start paying for the baby not us.

If this is not suitable to her, her father and I will raise the baby as her sibling. I will not even mention adoption unless she (and or he) was to bring it up first. I do not think I could handle knowing my grandchild was out there somewhere being raised by someone other than us, especially since that time line of 12-15 year old kid puts me into my mid 40's, still young enough to raise a child.


I have the semi unique ability to actually tell my kids what an abortion choice, and procedure are like. And I could prolly put a spin on it to make it seem no big deal in either direction.. however, I would try and talk my child out of wanting one, knowing that almost 6 years later I wish I wouldn't have had mine (even tho the babies wouldn't have lived anyway).


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:06 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright © 2003-2012 JustMommies.com, All Rights Reserved.