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-   -   Mixing biological children & adopted children (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f84-adoption/638380-mixing-biological-children-and-adopted-children.html)

tinafrank July 8th, 2007 01:15 PM

Hi, my name's Kristina, and I have an eight month old son - whom I adore! My husband, Kurt, (who I also adore! :inlove: ) and I have been talking about the number of kids we want recently. We've always discussed adoption as a possibility, mainly if I wasn't able to get pregnant. But, after going through my first pregnancy I'm not sure I can do it again multiple times with multiple older kids to take care of while I'm pregnant. My first pregnancy wasn't terrible - I just had morning sickness the entire time - then I had some complications healing after giving birth. I'm not sure I'd be able to do this with 2 or 3 kids running around the house needing my attention all the time. We plan to have one or two more biological children, and adopt (possibly) one more child.

Anyway... on to my question. As my husband and I were discussing adoption, I just kept thinking that there was no way I'd ever be able to love an adopted child as much as I love my son. I know I'll love each of my children in a different manner whether they are adopted or biological, so I'm not worried about adopting a child and loving him/her differently than I love my son - I'm only worried about not loving him/her as much. Does that make sense? Any insight into this would be wonderful.

Also, what are your opinions with mixing children from different countries with your biological children? I have such a passion for children abroad - either from China, Africa or Europe. I've been on mission trips to both China and a few lower-income European countries and I would love to go to Africa on a missions trip, as well. Plus, if I'm going to adopt, I want it to be a child that will be getting a much higher level of living standards by being adopted by my family. If that makes any sense at all.

Okay, I'm rambling now, but I'd love any advice/options/suggestions that you ladies have. If you're anything like the Nov 06 Playroom ladies you've got a wealth of information between you and I'm here to tap into that! :)

BensMom July 8th, 2007 01:49 PM

m_westbro is the perfect person to answer this question. She's away on vacation right now, so keep checking back. I'm sure she'll have something great to say. She's got 2 bio's and 2 from china. :smile:

*Emily* July 9th, 2007 09:38 AM

I don't have any biological children, but I do have step children and an adopted daughter who is of a different race, but not country than the other kids. The children all mix together just fine. One child had a problem for the first couple hours. His nose was out of joint big-time, but as soon as he gave her a chance, he fell in love with her. Now he is the one who plays with her the most. As far as loving an adopted child as much as a biological one, I can only speak for myself. I could never love another child more than I love my little girl. When I look at her, she is not my adopted daughter, she is my daughter. There are times I think my heart will burst from all the love I have for her. It might sound corny, but it is the truth. Hope I helped a little bit.

m_westbro July 13th, 2007 10:12 AM

You know, it's totally normal to wonder that before you adopt, especially when you already have bio children. I too wondered how I would feel, but to be honest, as soon as I saw my first daughter's picture when we got her referral, I knew I wasn't going to have to worry. I knew she was my daughter from the moment I first laid eyes on her, and when they handed her to me in that hotel room, it was very much like being handed my bio son in the delivery room. Adopting our older daughter (at age 5), was a totally different experience but again, as soon as she walked in the room and called us mommy and daddy, we felt like she had been ours forever. When we look at them now, we don't see them as orphans from China that we adopted, we simply see our daughters.

Going through the adoption process is an emotional, stressful, joyous and miraculous experience, all at once, much like pregnancy. And the end result is the same as well, you are blessed with the child you are meant to have. I wish you the best with your decision and will be happy to answer any other questions you may have. Welcome to the group!

Ivy July 18th, 2007 03:42 PM

I wondered about that while I was pregnant with Luke. But you know, seeing my kids play together fills my heart completely. There's no difference at all. Also, when it comes to mixing race, it's not a big deal if you don't make it a big deal. Three of my kids have bio parents who are from Mexico and Luke is white as can be...they have no idea that they are different. Not that they don't notice they are darker than him, but they don't feel it is weird or different at all.

mom2princesses July 20th, 2007 06:47 AM

Quote:

Hi, my name's Kristina, and I have an eight month old son - whom I adore! My husband, Kurt, (who I also adore! :inlove: ) and I have been talking about the number of kids we want recently. We've always discussed adoption as a possibility, mainly if I wasn't able to get pregnant. But, after going through my first pregnancy I'm not sure I can do it again multiple times with multiple older kids to take care of while I'm pregnant. My first pregnancy wasn't terrible - I just had morning sickness the entire time - then I had some complications healing after giving birth. I'm not sure I'd be able to do this with 2 or 3 kids running around the house needing my attention all the time. We plan to have one or two more biological children, and adopt (possibly) one more child.

Anyway... on to my question. As my husband and I were discussing adoption, I just kept thinking that there was no way I'd ever be able to love an adopted child as much as I love my son. I know I'll love each of my children in a different manner whether they are adopted or biological, so I'm not worried about adopting a child and loving him/her differently than I love my son - I'm only worried about not loving him/her as much. Does that make sense? Any insight into this would be wonderful.

Also, what are your opinions with mixing children from different countries with your biological children? I have such a passion for children abroad - either from China, Africa or Europe. I've been on mission trips to both China and a few lower-income European countries and I would love to go to Africa on a missions trip, as well. Plus, if I'm going to adopt, I want it to be a child that will be getting a much higher level of living standards by being adopted by my family. If that makes any sense at all.

Okay, I'm rambling now, but I'd love any advice/options/suggestions that you ladies have. If you're anything like the Nov 06 Playroom ladies you've got a wealth of information between you and I'm here to tap into that! :)[/b]

Hi,

I have 2 daughters. Hannah is 4 1/2 and Emily is 3 1/2. I struggled for over 5 years to get pregnant. I went throught a lot to become a mother. We had looked a little into adopting a child but nothing really serious. One day out of the blue this woman decided that she wanted to give us her baby. (there is a little more to the story) Anyhoo... she knew that she could not keep the baby and she did not want her to go back to Mexico with her family. We took custody of her (she was 6 weeks old at the time we took custody).

We completed the entire adoption process and three weeks later I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. I stuggled with the same questions. Will I love them the same? Will our family love them the same? Will I love Hannah more than Emily? Will I love Emily more than Hannah.

I love them the same and I love them for being different. I love the way that each of them came into our lives. I love the blessings they both bring to our family. I love the ways that they both complete our family.

Every mother, I think will at some point ask herself those questions when they are thinking of expanding their family. When you have one child that you love so much, you wonder how you can love someone else... even close to that. But trust me you do.

Our daughters are different races and I wondered if that would be a problem. You will encounter ignorant people that will ask you the most insensitive questions. But, I just grin an bear it.

What ever you decide to do. It will be the right decision for you and your family.

tinafrank July 23rd, 2007 08:43 PM

Thanks so much, ladies! I never doubted that I would love that little boy or girl, but I just didn't know if I'd love them the same. Thanks for your honesty and your encouragement. I'm sure I'll be on here again, but I'm not sure when. We're still just thinking about it...

lblackst July 27th, 2007 10:01 PM

I adopted my daughter when she was 9 and my son when he was 7. Then a bio baby came along! It's all fine. They all love each other dearly. We are a family. And it doesn't matter from the country or what the children look like. My son is black and we are all white and have no problems. He knows he is loved and wonderful. My adopted daughter knows she is loved and wonderful. And of course we all think our little 7 month old miracle is amazing!


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