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Missa_Mae July 5th, 2013 05:36 AM

What do you do ...
If you overhear a conversation about something you know isn't good for a baby?
Do you interrupt or keep quiet?

This happened to me yesterday at a 4th of July BBQ. My brother-in-laws cousin was there with her almost 5 month old baby boy. She was talking about how she just started him on cereal because he wasn't satisfied with the formula he's on and he was always hungry. She kept saying how she knows it has no nutritional value but she gives it to him to help him sleep ... and then she said she puts it in his bottle and she had to make the nipple bigger so the cereal can flow out. I almost screamed at her about how much of a choking hazard that is but my SO stopped me because "he didn't want to make a scene" ...

dylans_mommy July 5th, 2013 06:25 AM

Re: What do you do ...
I know it's hard to be quiet when you're hearing or given absolutely absurd advice about a baby. Dylan is in the 95th percentile for his weight and even though he's a big healthy boy I keep getting advice to "add cereal to his bottle." Then someone will chime in and say give it to him in a spoon...

Ultimately, it's my decision what I do. My Ped said to do the exact same thing with oatmeal (open nipple wider, etc.) Most of the time, if a mom is doing something, unsolicited advice will *not* help! I just smile and nod and do my own research instead of asking for advice (or sometimes even sharing what I'm doing!).

If it were me and they were doing something dangerous, I would ask them if they would like my advice first. There's SO much interfering info, it's difficult to know what really is best for baby.

ThaiSpice July 5th, 2013 06:28 AM

That's a good question...I was just thinking something similar, except about Facebook.

I tend to keep my mouth shut unless I know the person well enough OR if I'm asked my opinion. It seems like a lot of people (not all) know that what they're doing isn't best, but they choose to do it anyway. If that's the case, they're probably not going to listen to me. But it's hard to know sometimes whether to speak up or not...maybe it truly is a lack of information in some cases.

dylans_mommy July 5th, 2013 06:31 AM

Re: What do you do ...
I agree Thai! Thank you for sharing those pages with me :)

CrunchyMommaTo2 July 5th, 2013 07:26 AM

I will say something but I try to word it as nicely as possible. Something along the lines of "I know everyone used to start cereal at this age but a lot of research has shown it actually has a negative effect on baby and is a real choking hazard. I just don't want you to have to go through any negative outcomes from that and I would hate to hear your baby choked".

I say things to acquaintances a lot. Pedis around here are idiots who aren't researched on the latest at all. They still give the same advice they gave 30 years ago. I know multiple ladies who were told to start giving their 4 month old water, juice, cereal, etc. Nothing was explained to them about what criteria baby needs to meet first. I usually mention KellyMom to them.

I've had a few ladies stop what they were doing when they realized it wasn't the best and that their pedi wasnt god. Others continued what they were doing but at least I said something. I couldn't not say something and find out something bad happened.

MsRK July 5th, 2013 08:52 AM

Re: What do you do ...
I don't ever feel the need to raise other people's children. Unless they come to me specifically asking for advice, even if I know them well, I keep my mouth shut. There is just TOOO much information at our fingertips for people to not know the pros and cons of their actions these days. Nor is it my job to past judgement on a parent who has made a decision that I don't specifically agree with.

On that same note I try to be a VERY informed parent and do my best to come to the best decisions I can for the health and well being of my child. Coupled with my doctors advice I believe that I can make a sound decision. I know my child like NO other woman will no matter how many children she has had in the past. So if someone were to come to me with unwarranted advice about how to raise my child I wouldn't take it THAT well and would politely ask them to mind their own business.

That's the downside to our culture with tons of information at our fingertips. EVERYONE is a know it all suddenly. I can't tell you how many things people have said that are wrong, bad, etc for babies now. If I listened to everyone my baby would live in a sanitized bubble for the rest of his life. *lol*

CrunchyMommaTo2 July 5th, 2013 09:14 AM

Sorry but if that baby were to choke and die I would feel horrible for not at least saying something to mom so she knew it was a possibility that it could happen and that she is putting her child's life in danger. Would I push the subject after, no, but I would at least make her aware of the cons of her actions. It's not parenting someone else's child, its making them aware of consequences of their actions. Yes information is available in vast quantities but too many people trust their pedis and don't actually do the research themselves.

Missa_Mae July 5th, 2013 09:54 AM

Re: What do you do ...
I did mention kellymom to her in a previous conversation yesterday (before the cereal was brought up) ... hopefully she'll take a look at it.

My stepdad told me that my stepbrother's baby (who was born 3 days before Tessa) is also on cereal in the bottle PER HER PEDI's RECOMMENDATION! I almost choked on my food. I told him and all he did was critisize me for being too paranoid and he accused me of keeping Tessa in a bubble. We got into an all out argument last night ... even my SO doesn't always understand why I do the things I do with her, everyone is so quick to say "well, that's not how we did things 30 years ago and you guys turned out fine" ... nobody seems to realize how different things are now.

Do I want to keep her in a bubble - no. Do I want to keep her safe - YES.

I'm even getting crap for wanting to split Tessa's next round of shots into 2 visits instead of having all 4 done at once again ...

/end vent

CrunchyMommaTo2 July 5th, 2013 10:11 AM

You know what's best for Tessa hun. You've researched and educated yourself and asked the right questions so don't doubt your choices. If I listened to everything family members tell me to do because it was what they did and we all turned out fine then L would be formula fed, circd, have all vaccines, sleep in a crib, cry all of the time, never be held, and not use a car seat in a car. That last one is obviously idiotic but hey I turned out fine and rode on my moms lap in the car.. Still doesn't make it okay.

All you can do is try to gently educate others and reference them to reliable sources. After that its up to them but at least you tried.

*Anya* July 5th, 2013 07:21 PM

Re: What do you do ...
Sharing information is just that, sharing information. It's not judging. Judging would be "hey you really suck as a parent and must be dumb for putting cereal in your baby's bottle" Saying, "just wanted to share with you that studies show that's a rather dangerous practice, we all love our babies and wants what's best so I wanted to share with you how dangerous it could be" or something along those lines. I also hate the "that's the way it was done for us and we are fine" argument. New information shows us different, and what's wrong with wanting more than fine for my kid?
Information is available at fingertips and in this day and age ignorance is a choice. Sadly though all too many people parent on autopilot, going off of the we turned out fine and my doc said to do it perspective. I speak up often, I comment on pictures I see of friends buckling their babies in improperly, I recommend people do their research on things like vaccines etc. The lady I donated breast milk to came over and her 7 week old was not strapped in safely, I told her the cushion she was using isn't safe and told her harness needs to be much snugger than she had it and helped her tighten it properly. Maybe she was annoyed with that advice, but like said above if I heard that on the drive home she got in a crash and the baby was ejected from car seat because her harness was loose I'd feel awful. I shared the information and it's her choice what she does from here on out. I'm grateful for moms that spoke up when my first was a baby, I learned a lot from them and did my research once I heard that something I was doing wasn't the best thing.

Purple_cat July 5th, 2013 09:41 PM

Re: What do you do ...
This is tricky for me. I probably wouldn't say anything about a bottle. The situation I encounter more often is people posting pictures of their kids in the car and I can see that the chest strap is way too low to be safe. Or in the winter I see kids with super puffy coats in their car seats.

I say things some times on a case by case basis. If it is a big safety concern I say something. If not, I try not to get involved.

nameetog July 6th, 2013 07:03 AM

Re: What do you do ...
It varies for me too. I mostly have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I try sometimes to just stay out of it but in the case of carseats I speak up often. I also constantly post things on my wall about seats. I get plenty of crap from people and have heard "we turned out fine" more than I can count I just reply with when you know better you do better and that I never had a carseat when I was little and certainly you wouldn't do THAT now... I totally agree with wanting more than just fine for my kid!

~AmazedByYou~ July 6th, 2013 11:53 AM

Re: What do you do ...
The funny thing is... Those same people with the "we did it and we were fine" arguments would be HORRIFIED if you said you wanted to rub whiskey on your baby's gums or have them sleep in a dresser drawer. You'd be reported for abuse.. but they used to do that back in the day also.. and supposedly they're all fine.

Purple_cat July 6th, 2013 12:29 PM

Re: What do you do ...
The funny thing to me is that not all of us did turn out fine. That's why we use things like car seats now. I'm sure that if we didn't use car seats at all most kids would still be fine but we increased safety for all kids to protect the kids that might have been a tragic incident before.

HalfDozen July 9th, 2013 06:04 PM

Re: What do you do ...
I probably wouldn't say anything. In fact, I know I wouldn't. I know as far as nutritional value, etc., putting cereal in the bottle may not be the best idea, but if the baby is around the parents and being monitored, I actually don't see anything wrong with it. No, I don't do it, and I usually skip over cereal or do it for a very short timeframe, but that's not what everyone else does. Even when I have people ask me for advice about certain things, I'll say that XYZ is what we do. But I'm careful to never recommend that they do it. I do what works for my kids, and I would feel guilty if someone followed my own advice and had bad consequences. I tell them that they know what is best for their children.

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