Brylie's birth story
Brylie Ann Kenkel
August 8, 2009
7lb 7oz, 21” long
Delivered by Heather Ramsey, CNM & Danica Schaap, L&D Nurse
After being on bedrest for 8 weeks due to mild pre-eclampsia, things were really starting to look good! We were doing EVERYTHING possible to avoid an induction, so I was bed resting in my in law's pool (to help with the swelling), eating a high protein diet, no salt, and my husband was doing just about EVERYTHING around the house! We were also being very pro-active, with two fetal non-stress tests a week, which fortunately always went beautifully. Baby always passed within the first few minutes!
Friday August 7, 2009 started out like any other day. My weekly prenatal appointment had taken place on Tuesday August 4, 2009. Heather (CNM) had lightened up my bedrest restriction because my blood pressure was great (120/60) and I hadn’t had any protein in my urine for 3 weeks at that point. At the end of the appointment I asked Heather, “So do you think I’m going to have to be induced?” and she smiled and said “If you’d asked me last week, I would’ve said ‘yes, and soon’ but today I can say I don’t suspect an induction will be necessary!” I don’t think Angels have ever sung so loudly! JSo that Friday (the 7th) was tax free shopping in Iowa. I got up early with a bit of a headache but got ready to go and was on my way to the city with my mother in law, Jeanie and Chanda. It was a normal day but I did feel a little dizzy and I still had that annoying headache. I hadn’t eaten anything though so I attributed it to that.
After a few hours of "shopping" (I say "shopping" because at every store we went to, I sat down and drank from my gallon jug of water I was used to carrying around at that point! I didn't shop at all I don't believe!) Sam came to pick me up so we could go to our Friday NST, which was at 11:30AM. I got there and I mentioned to the ultrasound tech that I wasn’t feeling “the best” and I had a headache and little white floaties in my eyes. I explained that I felt like I was looking at an oil spill in a mechanic's shop or something, or a mirage on a hot summer day. Baby looked perfect on the NST though, so no one was incredibly concerned. Sam and I figured it would just be back to strict bedrest for the next 5 weeks or so.
The ultrasound tech seemed concerned and went and talked to the midwives and an OBGYN. After our NST the tech. told me the midwife wanted to see me, which I expected. What I did not expect was for Pam Schaffart (the CNM working in clinic that day) to meet me in the hallway and send me straight to Labor & Delivery. The midwife nurse Shylo took us up there and dropped us off at admission. After the crazy hectic 40 minute admission process we finally got taken back to what our nurse, Jill, referred to as “the ghetto”. L&D was full and so we had to go to the old L&D and it was like a scary movie hospital room – white walls, an uncomfortable bed and a crappy chair!
After about 20 minutes Kate Scott (the CNM who was on call until 2:00PM that day) came in and said she was concerned about my headaches and the white floaties, but not so much my BP. They had taken it at my NST and it was 120/57. But the main concern was my headache. It was so bad at that point I couldn’t really hold my eyes open. I did explain that I hadn't had anything to eat and only had water to drink since 5:00AM, so my caloric intake was NOT what it should have been for that day. They offered to order me some lunch after my bloodwork was drawn, but Sam was just going to go to Panera while I waited (Panera is right across the street, about 5 minutes away).
They came and did bloodwork and no one would really explain to me what was going on, and they just kept saying “If” I got admitted, but never saying induction was a possibility at this point.
Finally around 3:00PM they came and did my blood work. A few minutes later, Bridget Wieczorek (The CNM on call) came in and told us they were definitely admitting me for hospital bedrest and fluids, and then pending the rest of my blood work would possibly induce me starting that day around 4:00PM. I started to get really upset and told her if they were going to induce me, I had to go home and pack! Bridget told me we would cross that bridge when we came to it, not really seeming like she thought an induction was going to take place.
Finally, my blood work came back and it was just chaos from there! Everyone was scurrying around, two high risk OBGYNs came in to go over everything with me, and everyone seemed really scared. They said I would definitely be getting induced and having a baby that weekend. I said “Okay, I’ll be back in a few hours, I have to go home and pack.” – and Bridget held her stance pretty firm and said that was not happening as I was dangerously close to having a seizure, my liver enzymes were through the roof, and there was something else, but honestly it’s such a blur I don’t remember what it was. It was total chaos from there on – getting me hooked up to the Magnesium, finding a room for me, and a huge argument about Cytotec between Bridget and me!
Since we live about 70 miles from the Nebraska Medical Center, Sam had to haul himself home (1 hour each way) and pack things for both of us, and he was pretty broken up about it. (I later found out he called our Bradley instructor who lives very close to UNMC in tears, because we were both certain I was having a c-section)
We both had this vision of me waking him up at 3:00AM after I had been laboring on my own for awhile, and then deciding we better go to the hospital, and this dream was losing all sight of becoming a reality – at least for this pregnancy.
Fortunately, while we waited for my blood work results to come back, we started making a list of things I would need since I was getting admitted. The irony is that I planned on packing that night – I thought by putting packing off I was keeping that baby baking! Next time I know better! Sam was gone for a little over 3 hours, but it seemed like so much longer than that! Thank God for texting J
At 3:30 they moved me to a room in L&D (which was much prettier and more comfortable than the ghetto room!) my first nurse, Hannah, started an IV of Vancomyocin (Because I was Group B Strep Positive, so even if I would have gone into labor on my own I would have had to have had that), Magnesium (To prevent me from having a seizure), and Saline (I was quite dehydrated, even though I had been drinking water all day). Hannah made me really nervous because she was pregnant and kept talking about how she wasn’t going to touch the cytotec even with gloves on because it was so dangerous and I was already upset about getting the cytotec! Ahh common sense J
Then one of the midwives in training (Latrice) came in to check me and start the Cytotec. I tried to fight the Cytotec as I know how dangerous it is, but I trust my care and I trust that the midwives were really doing what was in my best interest. We did discuss our options and we determined it was very risky to go straight to Pitocin as I was 0cm dilated, 0% effaced, my cervix was firm and long, and they couldn’t feel Brylie’s head at all. I started sobbing at this point because 1. the Tuesday prior to this everything was perfect and my bedrest had been lightened. My favorite midwife Heather and I joked that if I had to be induced, it would be when she was there, and 2. I just knew I was going to end up with a c-section because clearly Brylie was NOT ready to come. I had become especially close with the midwife Heather during this pregnancy and I really had my heart set on her being the one there when it was baby time, even though there were 5 midwives so I only had a 20% chance of it actually being Heather!
Bridget then came in told me that she had to leave for a few hours, Pam was going to be there until 8:00PM, and then she would be back until 6:00AM when Heather got there!! I started sobbing once again, only this time, out of happiness. I knew my chances of a c-section with Heather were very low, she knew me the best, I was the most comfortable with her, she was an advocate for what I wanted, and just an all around amazing person. I felt like God planned things this way just so Heather could be the one there for me. It was very reassuring to go into the induction with a better attitude. I NEEDED Heather to be there!
At 4:00 they gave me the first dose of Cytotec (25mg). To me the Cytotec was probably the worst part about the induction! I was really uncomfortable in my bed and I had to lay FLAT on my back for 2 hours after it was put in and laying flat on my back is the most uncomfortable thing in the world to me anyway! And I couldn’t sleep to pass time because I was so uncomfortable! I had to get it every 3 hours for 12 hours.
Around 7:00PM Sam and I were so bored we were thumb wrestling! (We hadn’t planned on needing entertainment during the hospital part of our labor!). Our new nurse, Dana, was trying to find some DVDs for us to watch, but all she could find were looney toons! (Sam was a little disappointed I vetoed the toons!) Fortunately he has an aunt and an uncle who live about 15 minutes from the Med Center and they brought us Farkel and a couple DVDS (One being the Business of Being Born – I needed it to reaffirm my faith). We had nurses in our room all night playing Farkel with us which made it a little easier to deal with. Everyone was SO supportive. We couldn’t have asked for anything more.
Once the final Cytotec was placed, they let me sleep for a few hours before starting the Pitocin. I couldn’t sleep at all and spent most of the night talking to Dana – she and I got to be quite close and still keep in touch to this day! Eventually Sam got annoyed that I was keeping him up and went out into the hallway about 11:00PM and Pam was still there – I guess Bridget never came back! Anyway, Pam is the sweetest old lady you can ever meet and she came in and told me I needed Ambien to sleep because I was so upset about the lack of progress the Cytotec was causing.(they checked me each time a new one was inserted even though I said I didn’t want to be checked, Latrice asked if she could so she could get practice..and let’s face it, I was too defeated to care). I declined the Ambien, because I thought Brylie was getting enough drugs as it was. Sam was not thrilled because he needed to rest – he had spent the two days prior to this hammering metal stakes through concrete with a 12lb sledge.
Sam went out into the hallway again around 2:00AM and told them to give me something to help me sleep because I was bouncing off the walls in c-section anxiety at this point – like in tears. For the sake of my marriage, I agreed to a sleeping pill!
The Ambien didn’t totally knock me out, but I did doze off and on until they came in to start the Pitocin. The Pitocin was started at 2mL, and would be upped by 2 every twenty minutes until I got to 20, which is the highest the nurse is allowed to take it.
The Pit was started about 4:00AM and I almost instantly started having small contractions – I couldn’t feel them but they were registering pretty strong. At this point I was still 1cm/0%, high and long but starting to soften and thin out somewhat. Brylie was still at -3 station. Around 6:45 the contractions started picking up in intensity, but definitely not unbearable, but I was excited that hopefully it meant something was happening. Around 7:00AM Heather came in to check me again. I was SO HAPPY to see her! She said she had been there since 3:00AM but wanted to let me sleep. She checked me and I was still at 1cm and not effaced enough for it to be given a percent. I couldn’t help but laugh because she looked at me said “Girl I LOVE your hips! Them’s some child bearing HIPS!”
They kept upping my pit and at 10:00AM (Pitocin was at about 16 now) Heather was back in and I was having decently intense contractions at this point. They started coming every 3 minutes around 8:15AM and lasting 45-60 seconds. I was SO EXCITED because I figured I would be around 3-4cm and maybe 50% effaced. No such luck!! I was 1cm dilated, 50% effaced, but Brylie was still at -3 station. I told Heather I thought my nurse, Angee, who came on at 7:00AM was hindering my progress because everytime I got out of bed she lectured me for getting off the monitors.
Heather did take the nurse into the hallway but obviously I have no idea what was said (And nothing changed, Angee still complained about everything). When she came back in, Heather suggested putting in the foley bulb to help me dilate further – probably to about 4cm she thought. We discussed the risks, and my main concern was the link to pre-term labor in future pregnancies, but after a long discussion and desperation, and trying to avoid AROM and higher pitocin, we went ahead with the foley. Getting the foley placed was PAINFUL! I hate the speculum with a passion and the foley blowing up was just the weirdest feeling (basically it felt like a dislodged tampon!). At this point the time things happened becomes a bit of a blurr. I was getting REALLY stressed out with my nurse (and my BP reflected it) I know I ordered a fruit and cheese tray and some apple juice for lunch, but I never ate it! (It came in handy for Sam later though)
At 12:00PM Heather came back to check me and see if the foley had done its job. She said the foley would just fall out, but it got lodged in my vagina and never came out – but it made me dilate to 4cm! Yay! I was still only 50% effaced and Brylie was at -1 station. Silly me actually thought it wouldn’t be long! Her head was now on my cervix, I was contracting steadily, the pitocin was still under 20, things were going pretty smoothly… and then Brylie started showing signs of distress.
Around 2:15PM Heather suggested breaking my bag (even though I was so against it) because I just wasn’t progressing despite having really painful contractions, being up and moving around (as much as my nurse would allow it, she nagged us constantly!) and Brylie was still showing signs of distress (Her heartrate was dipping into the 60’s about every 7 contractions and they were so close together she wasn’t recovering as quickly as she should have). I was exhausted already and only at 4cm so I agreed to the amniotomy after a long discussion, and we finally agreed the benefits at this point outweighed the risks. My biggest concern was obviously cord prolapse, and losing that pressure on my cervix. Heather did say if I didn’t want her to do it she wouldn’t so I asked her if I was her daughter what would she do to keep her from having an emergency c-section. She said absolutely she would break the bag. I trust Heather enough and right when we were discussing it, Brylie had a pretty deep decelerations – at into the 50’s. Heather also promised it wouldn’t put me on a clock of having to have Brylie within 24 hours. She didn’t believe in 24 hours meaning automatic c-section in any situation and she would monitor me with temperature checks, and I was already on antibiotics for GBS so she said that was good. We broke the waters and my contractions intensified almost immediately. Fortunately my water was clear and there were no signs of meconium! She checked me 20minutes later (per my request) and I was at 6cm already! My contractions got really bad at this point – and thank God for Sam because all he did the entire time I was in labor was rub my sacrum. Angee REALLY wanted me to stay in bed now, because I had so much water (my level was at 23.4 at my NST the day before) and when I asked to sit on the birth ball for awhile she pitched a fit. Thank GOD for Sam because he went and got the ball himself, put the pad on it and there I sat for about 20 minutes. I really don’t see what the problem was with me wanting to sit on it, because the other time of my labor I sat on the toilet which required I got off the monitors (that really pissed Angee off) and at least when I was on the ball I could still have the monitors on.
I asked for a new nurse, which really pissed her off. I didn’t get one though!
I was having HORRIBLE back labor – I did everything I could to get Brylie out of the sunny side up position while in bed, but we all know how well that works. Finally I got on my hands and knees on the floor and then I started to cry because it hurt so bad where the IV was in my hand – and Angee pretty much laughed at me right then.
This is the first time the discussion of pain meds came up. Heather pretty much ignored any request I made to go over my options (Per my birth plan) and was incredibly supportive, but Angee kept telling me an epidural would help me relax enough to dilate the rest of the way and there was no shame in giving in. Sam was getting really REALLY angry. He was fantastic – he unstrapped the monitors from my stomach, grabbed my IV stand, and lead me into the bathroom to continue laboring on the toilet. He closed the door and stood in front of it so she couldn’t come in. I have never been more in love with him in my life.
I seemed to find my greatest relief on the toilet. It was excruciating because ALL I wanted was to get in the tub, but because of being on Magnesium I was not permitted to use any hydrotherapy. I found that to be incredibly stressful, and I believe part of that stress coupled with my nurse telling me over and over again to get back into bed and lay on my left side is why I wasn’t progressing as quickly as I otherwise might have.
Things were starting to get really bad – I even punched my poor husband in the face during a contraction once because he simply told me to relax my face.
I can’t believe I hadn’t caved for an epidural at this point. I totally wanted it, I won’t lie. It just seemed like the easy thing to do!
I had to be on constant external fetal monitoring and I kept saying I had to go to the bathroom (Which to be honest I did have to pee a TON due to all the water I was drinking, plus being on Saline, plus juice) so I could get off the monitors (which weren’t doing their job anyway, Brylie kept coming off them and my contractions weren’t registering). It felt soo good to sit on the toilet because it took so much pressure off my back. All I wanted to do was take a shower, but no one would let me because of being on Magensium for so long.
I started to get really hungry so I asked Heather if I could eat some of my fruit and cheese from earlier and she said no (They were starting to get concerned about the possibility of a c-section because of Brylie’s heart rate – it had been in the 30’s twice at this point), but she did let me have a popsicle. I’ll never forget – she asked me what flavors I didn’t like and I said orange or yellow and she brought me a purple one. I forgot how much I hate purple popsicles, but I ate it and I was really surprised how full I felt and I didn’t even finish the thing!
I know several hours passed of hard labor, but I can’t remember anything until about 6:30 (I think I got the popsicle around 3:30 or 4:00)
I was really starting to get exhausted about this time, and I was WATCHING the clock for the time when my nurse Dana from overnight got back. She was supposed to come on at 7:00PM but came in early to check on me at 6:00PM or so. I just wanted to rest so I got back into bed. This was about 6:30PM, and Brylie was not doing well. Her heart rate was dropping down before a contraction into the 50’s and not coming back up. My contractions were clustering at this point – I would have two 60 second long contractions (5 seconds between them) and then a 60 second break before the next cluster. I got into bed because I started to feel really weak (this part of labor is kind of a blur to both Sam and I because there was so much going on, and I was OUT of it) All I remember two nurses coming over and flipping me onto my left side and strapping oxygen to my face. I remember being afraid of the purple smurf type people dancing on the floor by Heather while she read the strip, but being afraid to really say anything about it because I didn’t want anyone to think I was crazy. I don’t remember much else other than hearing Heather say the words emergency c-section. I was so out of it at that point that I didn’t care at all. Fortunately after about 20 minutes on my left side (I slept most of this time too I think) Brylie started doing a lot better. She kept coming off the external monitors so Heather said they were going to put internals on. (They are like little fish hooks that screw into her skull) and she assured me they wouldn’t and she even screwed one into her own skull to at one point in her career to see if they hurt. My contractions weren’t registering either anymore so they screwed one into my uterus (That hurt!). She checked me again at that point and I was still 50% effaced and 6cm dilated. Brylie had moved back to -3 station though!
About 8:00PM they turned off the pitocin for about 20 minutes because I was having such horrible clustering contractions and I needed a break. I was getting really concerned of turning into a class “Pit to distress c-section” and my midwife was great. She agreed it was getting to be too much at that point. I was walking around talking and laughing for that 20 minutes and when Dana came in to turn it on again I started sobbing and begging for “just one more minute with it off”. I think this is when I started to enter Transition because just the thought of the Pitocin being back on made me want to die. I was seriously battling myself internally to NOT get the candy. I wanted something sooo badly, but I was embarrassed to admit it. Dana was such a great nurse, and had had three natural child births and that kept me going – she said she had never been induced, though and she had only seen one other successful pain med free induction. I told her I wanted nothing more than to say, “screw it” because…I need SOMETHING - I didn’t care what it was at that point – Epidural, c-section, hysterectomy, Stadol…anything to put an end to these God forsaken Pitocin contractions. To this day, I am amazed that I did not get anything. Thank God for being stubborn, I guess!
Heather checked me after they turned it back on and I was still 6cm, but I had made it to 70% effaced, but Brylie was still at -3 station. Brylie just wasn’t dropping and I was trying so hard to get her out of the posterior position because I couldn’t hardly handle the horrible back labor I was having. I was starting to lose my composure at this point, but thank God for my nurse, Dana. She had me get in a modified hands and knees position on the bed. She put the bed all the way up and I got on my knees and hugged the elevated part of the bed. This made the contractions really pick up! I stayed in this position for about 20 minutes until I couldn’t take it anymore. I got back out of bed and tried sitting on the birthing ball – but that was worse than any pain I had felt this entire process. I only stayed there for about 5 minutes this time. It was about 8:30 at this point and I am pretty sure I was in full on Transition because I started feeling like I couldn’t do it anymore, and I made Dana call Heather back in. I was not being reasonable, I was cussing at Sam, did NOT want him to touch me, but if he didn’t touch me I would get angry. He rubbed my back exactly how I told him to but I would just holler at him that he was making it worse and to get his hands off me. Poor guy, he endured so much during this process! No sleep, no food, no bathroom breaks, and a wife who at the time was so unappreciative!
I asked Heather at what point do you just say “I can’t do this anymore, I need some candy?” and she was so great – she kept saying “let’s get through the next contraction and then we’ll talk about your options”. She asked me what I wanted and I said “not the epidural, but I want something to help me sleep”. (She had stated she didn’t think I would even be pushing until at least midnight.) She gave me two options – she said I could get the drugs which would confine me to a bed or I could get up and try some pelvic rocks to see if that got things progressing. She said “I can tell you which one is going to work better, but it’s your decision.” I opted for pelvic rocks because I knew being out of bed was the best thing to do to help myself. I rocked for about 15 contractions and then I couldn’t take it. I told Dana I wanted Stadol. I wanted just ½ the normal dose, just to be drunk enough that I really didn’t care anymore. I had caved because all I wanted was some SLEEP. Sam and I had both been up for almost 30 hours at this point – with the exception of the 2 hours we slept overnight and my few “naps” throughout labor.
I had so much self doubt and nothing was helping! No one could reason with me! I knew in my heart I did NOT want any drugs and I planned on telling Dana just to hold onto them for awhile once she got back into my room – it was reassuring just to know that they were in the room! I wanted to try to make it until the next time Heather came to check me to see if I had progressed, and if I had then I would forget the Stadol.
This was at 9:50PM. Heather came in and checked me before she would sign the order and I was still 70% effaced, 6cm dilated, Brylie was at -2 station. I started crying and I was like “I haven’t even made it to 75% effaced?” She said no that it would probably still be awhile – but she was really trying to talk me out of anything. She said the drugs wouldn’t take the edge off, but they could result in a c-section. But I was adamant. There was no way I could go on anymore. I was heartbroken, exhausted, and I felt like I was dying. I felt like a failure because I was sure there had been a small change, which would have been the motivation to keep me going without anything.
Since nothing had, I told her I wanted the Stadol. I had been at 6cm for hours and I couldn’t take it anymore – I didn’t know how I would have the energy to get through second stage if I didn’t get some sleep. I got up to go pee about 9:55 (While Dana was trying to talk me out of the Stadol, I hadn’t been given anything yet). I told her I knew I had failed myself and as soon as the drugs were in I would fail Brylie but that even in Bradley class we learned that there was a line that once it was crossed, you had to raise the white flag give into the candy. Sam was really upset by this because he knew the dangers of IV narcotics and fetal heart rate – and Brylie was already having dangerous decels – but he never said anything until a few weeks later. Dana left me and Sam in the bathroom to do our business and as soon as I sat down on the toilet I started pooping (TMI!) (I wasn’t trying to poo, and I wasn’t pushing it along) and screaming for Dana! I felt like Brylie was going to fall into the toilet. She came running in (Stadol in hand) and was told me to calm down. I never believed women when they said they just knew it was time, but holy cow! Dana said Brylie was probably just finally dropping down and since I was so exhausted it felt more intense. I was sitting on the toilet and I said “CHECK ME” so she did. She stood up, and told me to “STAND UP, and DO NOT PUSH!”. She checked me again while I was standing and looked at Sam and said “GET HER *** IN THE BED!” (She later told me she could feel the sutures of Brylie’s head (where the bones meet…and she had NEVER been able to feel that before, and she could literally feel Brylie dropping) and went running out of my room 911’ing Heather (She was with a woman who was at 9cm getting ready to have her 4th child). Dana and three other nurses came running in and I was really irrational at this point – I thought no one would be there to catch my baby. A nurse named Erica grabbed my knees and started telling me to calm down, and if I felt like I needed to push then to push. I refused to push until Heather got there and I was starting to get anxious. (It only took about a minute for Heather to get in there) Thankfully Sam started to lead me into deep breaths which got me calmed down enough to plan on pushing on the next contraction.
All of a sudden I had so much energy and I was READY to go! Heather walked in and threw her hands in the air and cheered “PUSH GIRL PUSH!”. She took her coat off and I asked her what she was doing and she said “Pffft I’m not going to get my coat dirty!”, gloved up and sat down and I remember her pumping me up. I was talking too much and she was like “GET PISSED AT THIS LITTLE GIRL AND PUSH HER OUT!”
During crowning I yelled, “HEATHER! GET YOUR FINGERS OUT OF MY ***!!!!” I really believed she was playing some sick joke on me! I have a good sense of humor, but sheesh! Heather held both her hands up and laughed and said “Chels, I’m not touching you! That’s Brylie’s head! Push through that! PUSH!” They told me to reach down and touch her head and when I did she sucked back in me which really freaked me out! So, on the next push I asked Heather if I was pooping on her. She laughed at me and said “No, but if you were I would just smear it for you to find later!...STOP TALKING AND PUSH!!” I started laughing hysterically. Heather looked back at the nurses and said “This is why I love this girl, even during the ring of fire she laughs and smiles!” Then all of a sudden the monitors started going off like crazy and I saw Dana slap the NICU call button. Heather told me I didn’t have time to wait for the next contraction and if I wanted my baby alive I had to push and push now. Heather asked Sam if he wanted to cut the cord, he said yes but we planned on waiting until it stopped pulsing. She said “Sorry Sam you DON’T have time to wait for that. As soon as she is out, you cut that cord!”. I pushed with all I had and I felt Heather literally rip her out of me. It wasn’t painful or anything, but it was a very surreal moment - Sam said she grabbed her by the neck and literally tore her from me. I saw Heather’s face and it was sheer panic. I watched Sam cut the cord, Heather set Brylie on me for 2 seconds – and she looked exactly the same as my mom did at her funeral – grey, lifeless, and eerie. At that moment, I totally detached myself from my daughter because I didn’t want to love someone who wasn’t alive.
The cord had been wrapped very loosely around her neck (Which Heather explained can a lot of times be worse than a tightly wrapped cord because it acts as a noose) and the internal monitor cords were also wrapped around her neck. Dana picked her up and sprinted into the Transition Room (it’s where the NICU team comes to take them, it has like a crash cart and things like that in there). Heather told Erica to drop all the pitocin that was left into me and the placenta came right away. I remember asking if Brylie was okay and no one would answer me. Sam was with her and I could see his face was transparent he was so pale. I stopped asking at that moment if she was okay, because I was scared. Instead I started telling Heather how much the placenta grossed me out and that I didn’t want to see it. I also wanted to know how badly I tore, if at all because I wasn’t in any pain.
Heather told me I had two small tears that was caused by her ripping Brylie out – one small stitch.I asked her if I REALLY needed the stitch, and she tried to let it stop bleeding on it’s own, but it never did. I had heard getting stitched up hurts, but I felt nothing. I think I was numb from the whole situation. However, I was really surprised I hadn’t torn worse because Brylie came so fast and she was out in 5 pushes, I thought I would tear a lot worse, considering she was literally ripped from my body! And I didn’t do kegals but maybe once a month or so when I remembered!
Finally after what seemed like forever (it ended up being about 6 minutes) I heard Brylie start screaming – and oh what a glorious scream it was! I started sobbing when I heard it, and the colorwent back into Sam’s face!
The NICU team came in and said they weren’t going to take her!! I was scared, but really relieved no one would take her. They finally weighed her and measured her and let us see her. I couldn’t hold her because I was shaking soo badly – huge, jerky shakes that didn’t go completely away for almost 2 hours. Heather said it was a combo of hormones, Magnesium, and not eating in over 24 hours. I tried to nurse her immediately but because of the shaking I couldn’t., and she wasn’t interested yet.
Sam got to hold her right away and did a lot of skin to skin so that made me feel better, but she ended up having to go back into the warmer because she wasn’t maintaining her body temp even with skin to skin. She never left our room though and they wheeled the warmer to right outside the bathroom and I took a shower. I don’t think a shower has ever felt so amazing to me in my life. I was sweaty and dirty. I took a really fast shower though because I needed to be with my baby. I couldn’t believe how much I loved her. I could see her from the shower and I stared at her and she just laid there so perfectly while her daddy stroked her head. I came out and got to nurse her again, and this time she took to it like a champion! While I nursed her my nurse ordered me some food and by the time it got there, Brylie was done eating and I just held her on my skin and ate and ate and ate. I was so hungry! Sam never left my side, and the start of our family had begun. It was a really beautiful moment. You never realize that part of your heart is missing, until the missing piece is in place. I have never loved anything more than that moment. We were so in love we didn’t even have the sense to take pictures! (regrettably!)
After 30 hours of mayhem my whole world changed! I was maxed out on Pitocin for over 12 hours (Maxed out being 26 which is the highest the OB would allow my midwife to take it) It was so worth it!! Without a doubt, it was the most amazing experience of my life. It was really really difficult to do natural - especially since I was on Magensium I was being constantly monitored by several OB's who kept telling me having an epidural would make me soo much more comfortable, and blah blah blah! The anesthesiologist also came in twice just to make sure I 'Knew" I could have an epi at anytime!
Heather asked me how I felt after she stitched me and I guess my response was “Let’s do it again!” and someday, we will!
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