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-   Blended Families (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/)
-   -   Can I ask? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/1199052-can-i-ask.html)

SeiNao August 19th, 2008 03:59 PM

What the definition of a blended family is?
I'm not with someone who has children, but I have two children from two different men, would that be considered blended?

Blondzilla August 20th, 2008 05:09 AM

Welcome!
Traditionally speaking, the definition is probably where there are children in a relationship that did not result from that relationship. On here, pretty much anything goes! lol If you're involved with someone, then yes you would be a blended family. Because your children are half brothers/sisters, I guess technically even if you aren't involved with someone your family could be considered blended. The concept of "yours, mine and ours" rules around here! In my family, my husband and I both have children from previous marriages but none of our own. (We figured 7 was enough!) Other families on here have children from one spouse but the other has none or is just expecting their first. In other families, each spouse has one or more and together they have one or more. It doesn't really matter how your family is blended (or even if it is)...we all face issues that we need to vent about or seek advice for or even just brag about! You're more than welcome to join us here and help us all figure out this stuff as we go along. I've found that with obvious exceptions, the issues we face are pretty much the same that non-blended families face...just that we usually have a few more adults stirring the pot than traditional families! I'm sure your children's fathers have caused some complications that are similar to what you'll read on this board and perhaps you'll be able to offer advice to someone who is going through a situation similar to something you have encountered.

JustBecca August 20th, 2008 06:20 AM

Welcome! I am Becca one of the hosts here. I have 3 children Sadie is mine, and Lilly and Gabe are ours! I do not have anything to add from Dani's post. She said it all. Anything goes here as far as families so jump on in and start posting we would love to have you.

My2miracles August 20th, 2008 12:38 PM

Welcome! Dani said it well!

We have a his, mine & ours situation but soon it will just be a his & ours because DH is in the process of adopting my daughter from a previous marriage. There are all kinds of challenges with non traditional families!

Do your sons spend time with their fathers?

SeiNao August 20th, 2008 02:32 PM

I have a daughter and a son. My son's father is VERY involved, my son actually stays with him more at the present. My daughter's father, however... <_<
His parents are very involved in her life =) Lol

Blondzilla August 21st, 2008 05:11 AM

Quote:

I have a daughter and a son. My son's father is VERY involved, my son actually stays with him more at the present. My daughter's father, however... <_<
His parents are very involved in her life =) Lol[/b]
Doesn't it make you wonder? I mean, I don't think any of us on the boards here could ever even DREAM about not having contact with our children yet some fathers seem to just write them off mentally. How can they do that? I will never be able to understand that! I go nuts if I don't hear from one of my older kids every few days! And they're all grown up and on their own! (25 and 21) Yet my ex can go for months without seeing Tori (my soon to be 17 yr old daughter) When she does go over to spend the night or weekend, she is ACHING to come home after only a few hours! He goes off and leaves her alone while he and his GF go out to dinner and to a bar or something. Hasn't seen her in 3 months but has no problem leaving her! What is up with that stuff? I don't see her for two days and I am all over that child when she comes home--wanting to talk to her and find out how she is doing, what's she been up to, how she handled this or that. We talk about everything in her life and I am the one she seeks out for advice and a shoulder to cry on....how could he not want that with her? I tell her all the time, it is his loss. Someday he will regret treating her like he does (ther are MUCH worse stories I could tell here on this point) but it doesn't ease the pain of how he makes her feel. How old are your children? Does your daughter feel jealous sometimes that her brother's father spends time with him but her father doesn't spend time with her? Does that cause problems between the two of them? I'm glad that she at least has some of his family showing an interest in her life. Do you get along well with them?
I'm glad you found us here! Looking forward to learning more about you and your children.

My2miracles August 21st, 2008 11:45 AM

Quote:

I have a daughter and a son. My son's father is VERY involved, my son actually stays with him more at the present. My daughter's father, however... <_<
His parents are very involved in her life =) Lol[/b]
I'm sorry. I don't know how I read sons :blush: I've been a little spacey lately.

How sad for your daughter. I know that one well. My DD hasn't seen her bio father in a year. It's a very long story but suffice it to say, he didn't make the necessary effort.

But it's good that she has a great mom & a brother too!

Daisyfields August 23rd, 2008 03:43 PM

Welcome to BF, you are def one to be in that category. You have a blended situation in that you have to share your children w/ other people (ex's etc.)

I'm one of the cohosts here on BF, if there is anything I can do to help, let me know. I have a step son, I have a bio son w/ an ex & my DH & I have 2 children together, we're blended beyond normality.

Looking forward to getting to know you!
Chantelle

Ellemphriem August 24th, 2008 03:30 AM

Quote:

Doesn't it make you wonder? I mean, I don't think any of us on the boards here could ever even DREAM about not having contact with our children yet some fathers seem to just write them off mentally. How can they do that?[/b]
Funny you should ask that question since my father brushed me off when he divorced my mother when i was 5 months old and never saw me once until he died 2 years ago when i was 32. I tried to talk to him once and he didn't want that either. Gave up all his rights on me through court/legal procedures and ALSO gave up him last name on me. I took after my mother's. Never have been able to figure out what i DID to make that happen. I can understand his issues with my mom, but what he did makes him less of a man in my eyes. So there is the child's point of view.......

As for the original post our family is blended also. My husband has a 9 year old daugther from a previous marriage which we see part time and we are expecting our first together in December :)

http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev336pr___.png

Blondzilla August 24th, 2008 08:42 AM

First of all, I went through the same thing with my bio father. His response to my mother's announcement that she was pregnant was to tell her "I know a doctor that can take care of that!". He never wanted me nor has he expressed interest in me or his grandchildren. I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO WARRANT THAT NOR DID YOU!!!!! I can't stress that enough! I spent 5 years in therapy dealing with that and a history of sexual abuse (my grandfather) and the one thing that I finally learned is that I was a child and did nothing to cause what these men did to me therefor I am not the one to blame....THEY ARE! You have to believe that! I met my father when I was 20 and although to my face he seemed to want a relationship with me, once I was gone, he lost interest. I lived about 200 miles from him at the time and drove up to meet him...would gladly have driven up again and again to develop a relationship with him but he didn't want it. HIS loss, not mine! I have no idea if he is alive still or what he is doing nor do I have any interest in finding out. I just don't care about him. He is not my dad...my adopted father is! I may be related to Donald by genetics but that is all. He's no more a father than a sperm donor would be and I am not his daughter--I am JIM'S daughter! I can't tell you how freeing it is when you finally accept that the rejection has nothing whatsoever to do with you as a person but everything to do with the flawed personality of the bio-father who rejects you. I am so thankful that I did not inherit that particular flaw from him and that I am capable of loving someone completely. You should be thankful as well! To me, it's a defect on their part, much the way sociopathy is and closely related. Those of us who are rejected by these creatures as well as our children who are rejected by their fathers, are so much better off without them. I truly wish sometimes that my ex would completely reject my daughter so that I would not have to watch her repeatedly try to win his love and make him proud, only to be shot down once again. I'd love for my new husband to have been able to adopt her and make her his own...but the ex won't allow that. It's much more rewarding for him to simply torture her every few months.
And you are absolutely right. He IS less of a man becaue he rejected you!


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