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MorgaineNTannersMom May 17th, 2006 08:30 PM

Ok I've been a single mom and dated so I know what it's like from that side of the fence. But I recently bumped into an old friend and while I'm not ready to actually date yet we've touched on the subject.

He has two children ages 6 and 5. My question is for the step-mom's here.....is it hard being in a relationship with a man who has children from a previous marriage/relationship?

I know I really disliked my step-mother and I never want to be the "wicked step-mom" lol. But I really do enjoy this guys company and I do think that had he not had children we'd already be dating.

Mom2DyJessAva May 18th, 2006 04:48 AM

honestly i think it depends on the person your dating...it has its ups and downs (i no mine does) i no that every guy is different but when i first started dating my boyfriend (he has an almost 8 year old now) it was nice for awhile and then when he introduced me to his daughter i felt a little uncomfortable but she is a very sweet girl so it made things easier its just that when her mom got involved things got a little hectic...the one thing that P*ssed me off so much as to where i was going to leave him was when he decided to take his daughter to six flags and his ex was going with him :angry2: that through me off the wall because to me its hard to trust because she seemed like the type to try and get him to cheat..so after not talking to him for 3 days straight he never did it again..anyways yeah it has its ups and downs but its worth it (well sometimes hehe)...you might not be listed to them as "wicked step-mom" hey they might really enjoy u and get along with u really well..i say meet his kids and hang out with him and them and see how it goes before u get into a serious relationship..i hope i helped a little

Rachel May 18th, 2006 05:03 AM

I've never found it hard in terms of the children. What bothers me is the kids' mom. She's a nut job and fills their head with all sorts of lies, likje that their dad is not really their dad. I think alot too, depends on how you approach them. If you try to be authoritative right from the start, they might get a bit resentful, but I think at their ages, you should be fine. It's the teenagers that you have to worry about.

Good luck!

MorgaineNTannersMom May 18th, 2006 06:26 AM

Thanks...see it's the mom that bothers me here too since her and I were also friends at one point (many moons ago) and I know I would've been happy NEVER seeing her again. But if Lee and I do get involved I have to be civil with her atleast. It isn't fair to either of our kids to see us nasty towards eachother

Rachel May 18th, 2006 09:06 AM

Yep, that is hard. I always smile and nod when she talks. It's funny cause in person, she's the sweetest nicest person in the world, but over e-mail or in court, or when talking to the boys about us, she's vicious!

MorgaineNTannersMom May 18th, 2006 09:31 AM

ugh I hate those kinds of ppl. I mean I know it's gotta be really hard to see another wonoman involved so closely in your children's lives. I dunno what i would do if/when I had to share my kids with another person.

appifanie May 18th, 2006 02:23 PM

it's not as scary as i thought! though, it'd prolly be scarier if he had full custody. i know my dad dated a bunch of ladies when i was younger, so i pretty much try not to do anything they would have :D but i'm also lucky cause the kid is sooooooooo easy going! actually, when he's around, DH usually forgets i exist, but his son checks in on me when we're walking in the city and stuff - it's sweet :)

Quote:

...the one thing that P*ssed me off so much as to where i was going to leave him was when he decided to take his daughter to six flags and his ex was going with him :angry2:[/b]
yea, my IL's love DH's ex and invite her to stuff but not me. i hate them.

Rachel May 18th, 2006 04:39 PM

Quote:

ugh I hate those kinds of ppl. I mean I know it's gotta be really hard to see another wonoman involved so closely in your children's lives. I dunno what i would do if/when I had to share my kids with another person.[/b]
It's really not that bad. My ex has had a few girlfriends come and go. His current one is in jail. Just know that it's not an insult to you if they have a close relationship with their dad's new significant other. I think it makes for happier kids! My kids are older now, but they were 8 & 11 when we divorced and I started dating. I never brought anyone to meet them other than the guy I was with for 4 years and then my SO now. I never wanted them to have men coming and going in their lives, ya know?

Anyway, what I'm really saying is that as hard as it is sometimes to not speak ill of my ex and his SOs, it's just something that you have to do for the benefit and well being of my kids. They know all about him now, figured it out on their own, and I never spoke ill of him.

MorgaineNTannersMom May 18th, 2006 05:40 PM

Well he tells me not to worry about it, he'll deal with her. She's remarried so I don't think she'd have a huge problem with it

appifanie May 19th, 2006 03:43 AM

Quote:

Anyway, what I'm really saying is that as hard as it is sometimes to not speak ill of my ex and his SOs, it's just something that you have to do for the benefit and well being of my kids. They know all about him now, figured it out on their own, and I never spoke ill of him.[/b]
i wish all ex's were as sensible as you! (except that in my case, DH's son has to figure out what his mother is like on his own.) i know she says horrible things about DH and me. speaking ill of the other parent only makes you (whoever's speaking ill) look bad to their kids. i know this cause my parents used to badmouth each other and it only made me mad at whichever parent was doing it.

MorgaineNTannersMom May 19th, 2006 06:44 AM

Yeah I know that feeling. My mom constantly talked down about my father around me. Only 1/2 the stuff was lies. I refuse to do that around my daughter. I once was talking about what was going on with a friend and she overheard. She asked me why I hated her father and I just explained to her that I didn't hate him, but sometimes when you're mad about something you say thing that you shouldn't or that you don't mean.

Chrisa June 16th, 2006 05:36 AM

I'm going to be honest, it was really hard for me. I didn't have children though, so I think that had a lot to do with it. We had a long distance relationship, so sharing Daddy, was hard for my sd and hard for me. It's the hard thing I've ever done, but with good communciation you can make it work. If you really like this guy, go for it, but make sure you talk about the child issue and how to handle it before you ever get married.


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