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-   -   Do any of the kids in your home have items that other kids have to ask to use? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/2338746-do-any-kids-your-home-have-items-other-kids-have-to-ask-to-use.html)

mom2more May 30th, 2011 08:26 AM

Do any of the kids in your home have items that other kids have to ask to use?
 
I ask because as a kid I was the oldest girl and had younger sisters who used to take my stuff without asking. It drove me crazy and they would break things. My mom finally got me a lock for my bedroom door (with a key) so when I was not home I could keep my sisters out.

Now I don't go to that extreme with our kids (ds, ss, and sd). And ds and ss share a room anyways. But I have always felt that when the kids get something as a gift or they buy something with their money it is "theirs" and others should ask before using it. DH disagrees and we argue about it.

The most recent dispute was over ds's playstation 3. For Christmas that is what he wanted. So I said he should tell everyone he was saving up for that and ask for $ or giftcards to the store he would buy it from. So that is what he did and he spent most of his Christmas money on it. The rest we had him put in the bank. And that was his only gift.

SS wanted a PSP (handheld game system) for Christmas and got that. He got a few other things from people too.

Anyways the other day dh was playing his own Playstation 3 that is in our familyroom and ss wanted to play. DH told him to go ask my ds if he could just play his. DS said no because he was mad at ss. (Earlier that day ss was going to the fridge in the garage to get a water bottle and ds asked him to get him one. SS looked right at him and said nope. SS came back with only one and told DS to get one himself. When I asked him about it after SS tried saying he did not hear DS.....so I called him out on his lying and told him I heard him say nope before even going to the garage. I told him it was not very nice of him and if he wanted people to be nice to him he should be nice to them.) I told ds right after that not sharing with ss was not going to make ss be nicer to him next time and maybe he should be the bigger person and make the first step in being the nice one. He said no and I let it go just like I did not make ss walk back to the garage and get ds a water bottle.

Anyways DH got mad that DS would not let SS play his Playstation 3. And instead of telling ss to go play something else DH let him play his and then went into our room to sit and be mad over it.

I walked in and told him I felt that SS was not nice to DS earlier and if DS did not want to allow him to play his game as a result then too bad. But that SS had other options of things to play with (his PSP, going outside to play, toys, etc.) DH said that DS should have been made to share and there should not be any "mine" or "yours" stuff in the house....everything should be able to be used by everyone. I told him that I felt differently based on my childhood. DH was the youngest so he never understood what it was like to have younger siblings take and/or break your things.

So DH started saying he should buy SS his own Playstation 3 if I was not going to make DS share!!! I told him that was INSANE, not only because of hte expense but because someone should not get everything they want all the time just because. I said ss got the PSP for Christmas and I did not have to go run out and buy DS one of them even though he liked it! And DS does share a lot of the time.

So what do you all think???

Cesca May 30th, 2011 09:06 AM

Re: Do any of the kids in your home have items that other kids have to ask to use?
 
I agree with you. We absolutely have a "yours" and "mine" thing around here for the kids. Last year DSS got a really nice Nerf gun with his money and DS has to ask to use it. DS got tired of having to ask so he saved his money and got an even better Nerf gun this year. LOL We have a shelf where we put DSS' stuff he wants DS & DD to stay out of while he's not here. He never really used it for anything except that Nerf gun until DS got his and now DSS doesn't even put that up anymore. :)

Doodlebug06 May 30th, 2011 02:47 PM

Re: Do any of the kids in your home have items that other kids have to ask to use?
 
Our kids are home at different times. I make all the younger ones stay out of our 17 year olds room. Period.
U don't need the younger ones going through stuff and finding "stuff" of a 17 year old boys.
The three younger ones do share but I don't require it.
I simply let them know if they don't share their stuff they must not expect the others to share their stuff either.
If usually works itself out.
Your dh buying his son a ps3 isn't the answer.
Sd8 doesn't have a wii or ps3 at out house but both my son and dh son do. Sd8 took the wii we bought her and keeps it at her moms house. Her choice.
My son (9) has the wii, ps3, psp, and dsi in his room. All were bought as gifts over the past few years and they are "his" but he shares them because they all share games.

If SD is here when bs and bd are not, I do make her ask me before using their stuff.
Same with my bios.
Problem comes up when SD wants bios stuff to use when they are here and we have already bought her The same thing but she took home to moms.
That's tough.

mom2more May 30th, 2011 03:49 PM

Re: Do any of the kids in your home have items that other kids have to ask to use?
 
Kangaroo I have the same feeling as you. I do not think I should force them to share or do things with eachother. They do share and do things for eachother sometimes and not at other times. But I feel like they should work it all out and that kids should have things that are "theirs" and are off limits to the others unless they give permission.

But hubby feels like everything is for everyones use all the time. (seems like especially when his ds wants something).

K.A.T May 30th, 2011 05:20 PM

Re: Do any of the kids in your home have items that other kids have to ask to use?
 
I have this argument all the time with DH. I'm with you on this one.

Rachel May 31st, 2011 09:48 AM

Re: Do any of the kids in your home have items that other kids have to ask to use?
 
Well the only "his" video gaming stuff is my oldest son's and they absolutely have to ask permission to use that. The rest of the stuff/toys is kind of fuzzy as to who it really belongs to. When they moved in, they brought nothing with them so they played with Daniel's toys. They never had to ask permission from Daniel to use his stuff and when he wants to play with something of theirs, I don't make him ask. The rule is that they can't take it away from the other child.

Will does have some things that are exclusive to him, like his MP3 player and an electronics kit that I wouldn't let the younger ones play with, but generally if no one is currently using the toy, it's fair game.

We do it this way because Will would say no to Clayton and Daniel just to be a jerk, but Clayton and Daniel would always say yes, because well, they're not Will.

Doodlebug06 June 1st, 2011 12:50 PM

Re: Do any of the kids in your home have items that other kids have to ask to use?
 
We had a situation like this come up this week.
SD8 is sad because BS9 has his own special "blue ps3 remote" that he got for his bday. the ps3 was for his bday also.
My niece (who stays w us a lot and is same age as sd) was bought a pink ps3 controller of her own just because her mom wanted to buy it
So SD8 says it isnt fair that everyone has these special remotes except her.

Backtrack to last summer at walmart when we lived in texas...DH goes to walmart w ALL our kids and ONLY buys SD8 a pink wii remote. none of the others got a special one and she would NOT let anyone use it. period.
She then took the wii and all games and all remotes to her moms house once she went back at end of summer.

Now that shes at our house all the time shes upset that she isnt the one w a special remote and feels like we should get her one.

my bs9 didnt get one "just because". He got it as a bday gift from my dad. So its "his" and if he wants to be the one to use it when they play all the games, so be it.
Althought HE could care less if the remote is black white purple brown blue or grey. As long as it works!
ANyway, these situations are usually only unfair when they affect the one child who sees it that way at that moment. Flip the situation around to the other kid and they think its fine for the others at that time.

I told SD8 that if she wanted it special then she needs to bring her wii back to our house for her room and have her special remote. or at the least bring the pink remote so she can use it herself.

Wisey June 1st, 2011 01:10 PM

Re: Do any of the kids in your home have items that other kids have to ask to use?
 
We don't have that problem because of the difference in ages. 5 and 16 they don't have much to share. When it comes to playing the wii or something that we all share we all have to take turns including the adults!

Doodlebug06 June 1st, 2011 01:20 PM

Re: Do any of the kids in your home have items that other kids have to ask to use?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Wisey (Post 24034748)
We don't have that problem because of the difference in ages. 5 and 16 they don't have much to share. When it comes to playing the wii or something that we all share we all have to take turns including the adults!

My DH went through a tetris addiction on the Wii. The kids HATED that! They never got to play!
ROFL!
It was sorta funny.

AMiner86 June 2nd, 2011 10:20 AM

Re: Do any of the kids in your home have items that other kids have to ask to use?
 
My kids are still young (DSS is 5 and DD is 2) and don't buy any of their toys so it's not really a big issue. Meyson plays with Olivia's toys and vice versa and they receive a lot of sharing toys as gifts, like the play table and chair set that Olivia got for her birthday was meant as a toy for both of them. We do have a policy during birthday and Christmas time, when there are lots of new toys in the house, that whoever the toy belongs to gets to play with it first as long as they want to by themselves because it's their new toy, but usually this lasts for maybe 10 min at the most and then they want their sibling to play too.

I do believe that when they get older it will be a different story, especially when they start to earn or receive money gifts. If it's something that was earned by one of them, then the other would most definitely need to ask.

My2miracles June 2nd, 2011 11:19 AM

Re: Do any of the kids in your home have items that other kids have to ask to use?
 
While we encourage them to share their toys it isn't a requirement. Especially when it comes to big ticket items like Nintendo DS & electric scooters. And we definitely have a rule that if it's a new gift or purchase, they don't have to share - that is DS just got an electric scooter for his birthday, he isn't encourage to share it until he's had it for a while.


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