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-   -   I feel so bad, ladies :( (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/2550552-i-feel-so-bad-ladies.html)

gmtejese July 18th, 2012 01:29 AM

I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
Ladies, I feel so bad :( Ryan came over today to get Evan for visitation right? Well I was down in the basement doing laundry when he came downstairs. He had been texting me earlier in the day, trying to get me to sleep with him when he came over. Well, while I was downstairs, he was grabbing my butt and biting my neck and everything else, trying to get me to sleep with him. I came to find out that he is in a relationship with some girl named Jessie. So he's in a relationship but trying to sleep with me!! He says she won't allow sex until they are married. What do I do? This is the ultimate betrayal in my eyes. Do I tell her and show her the texts or just ignore it? It's been eating at me ever since I found out :/

stresswife July 18th, 2012 08:31 AM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
personally, I would just tell him that he's a jerk and leave it at that.
telling her will just create a whole bunch of drama for everyone involved, she may not believe you or he will twist it all around and you will look like the crazy ex baby mama..

Rachel July 18th, 2012 09:04 AM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by stresswife (Post 26285513)
personally, I would just tell him that he's a jerk and leave it at that.
telling her will just create a whole bunch of drama for everyone involved, she may not believe you or he will twist it all around and you will look like the crazy ex baby mama..

:ditto: You are not responsible for her. Tell him to get bent and leave it at that.

plan4fate July 18th, 2012 09:45 AM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
I agree with the ladies above. While it is sweet you care about her feelings because he's a jerk, I know if someone came and said it to me about DH, I it would not be well received at all.

*hugs*

My2miracles July 18th, 2012 11:08 AM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
Based on your previous post, I'd say just tell him you're not interested & leave it to them. She probably won't believe you & he could get angry & hurt you. I'm usually all for telling but in this case, you need to protect yourself.

Wisey July 18th, 2012 11:58 AM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
I would tell him to get lost and leave it at that. She will need to find out on her own.

K.A.T July 18th, 2012 11:58 AM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
Leave it alone. It's not your place to tell her she's with a jerk. It only makes you look bad, not him. Chances are she won't believe you anyway.

.Katie. July 18th, 2012 12:27 PM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
Like I said in the PR, keep the texts to show his maturity level in court. You don't have to tell her, but she will inadvertently find out if she really does stick around.

gmtejese July 18th, 2012 12:40 PM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
Thanks ladies.

He said she was leery to date him b/c she didn't trust him so I guess she already kind of knows how he is to an extent. I just don't want her to get hurt. I'm the type of person that would hand you the shirt of my back to prevent you from being cold. That's just how I was raised.

mojomama July 18th, 2012 12:46 PM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
Once upon a time,I would have agreed with the advice that it's none of your business and to keep it to yourself. Now, having been in that woman's shoes, I would say that if you don't tell her, you are just as guilty as he is. Yes, she may just think you're the crazy baby mama. She will probably hate you for the rest of her life. Why does that matter?
Nobody had the balls to tell me about the affairs. I wish they would have. Knowing that, I told the spouses of all my husband's affair partners. I apologized for having to be the one to say it, said that our spouses had been involved in an affair, gave what proof I had (texts, emails, and in one case, a photo) and suggested they be tested, specifically for high-risk hpv, which I have. As thanks, I was ignored, called names, and threatened (different people had different reactions). I've never regretted telling for a second. Not because it was satisfying to hurt the people who had hurt me (although it was, a little bit), but because I have compassion for he others in my shoes, building and living a fantasy life. At risk every day.
You say you feel bad, and that you view it as the ultimate betrayal. You're right. Go with that feeling, and tell her. Good luck.

pickle0313 July 18th, 2012 12:47 PM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
He sounds like my ex. What a skeezebag. Don't feel bad, it's not your fault. I would just tell him to get bent, like Rachel said, and then move on. Telling her what a skeezebag her boyfriend is only makes you look like the crazy ex baby mama.

K.A.T July 18th, 2012 03:57 PM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
How is she guilty?? She turned down his advances. If she had taken him up on his offer, than yeah, she's guilty too. Your situation it complete different from hers. Your partner actually cheated on you with other women. In her case she is the bio mom and he tried, key word tried, to hook with her. She declined. Only guilty party is him. There was no affair that took place at that moment, so it's not her place to say he hit on her. On top of that, he's not exactly the safest person to run back and tell the new girlfriend. Her keeping her mouth shut is the safest bet for her. By her telling the new woman that he hit on her, she's only opening up a can of worms that can come back and bite her hard. She needs to keep the peace as much as possible without making life harder for herself.

My2miracles July 19th, 2012 12:11 PM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
Please know more of the facts before you respond. Like I said in my previous post, normally I would say tell to. But this guy is an ABUSER. He's been bullying & threatening her. She needs to stay out of his personal life for her SAFETY. She has 3 children that need their momma!

gmtejese July 19th, 2012 10:19 PM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
I don't want to say anything especially with us going through the custody battle that ends in 11 days.

On a good note, we have talked all day today and he has agreed to come over and make an agreement between us before court since he found out I'm taking parenting classes. His psycho arse called around and found out through my mother that I'm taking them. He stated he doesn't need a class to tell him he's a good parent. LMAO!

We've been getting along for about two days which is a current record for us but I'm still VERY hesitant b/c I think he is planning something. I'm documenting everything for court and watching my P's and Q's, ya know?

ShesaDreamer July 20th, 2012 12:01 PM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
I think you are being smart by documaneting everything. In my experiance when the other person is nervous they will do something stupid to try and get what they want. BM once broke into our house the night before a court hearing and video taped my house to "prove" how filthy it was. (big woop you found 3 loads of laundry unmade beds and some dishes) Her lawyer wouldn't let her use it and nothing ever happened even though she stole our video camera. (which still had the tape from our honeymoon in it :whistles: )

w292737 July 23rd, 2012 03:06 PM

Re: I feel so bad, ladies :(
 
I'd not say anything to her. and just make sure he knows it's a big fat NO!


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