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mom2more September 7th, 2012 11:35 AM

deadbeat parents
 
Just curious do you think there is a difference in the way deadbeat dads are viewed/treated vs. deadbeat moms? I was reading something about that today and wanted to see what you all thought.

plan4fate September 7th, 2012 12:12 PM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
I do.

Dead beat dads are viewed as losers. But I often see/hear "oh, she must be sick." or "the father must have done something to make her run away like that." as if no mother could ever, consider leaving her children.

I also see that in more cases fathers will get the bad rap, that once they've left they're gone, no second, or third chances. but mothers seem to be given many more chances.

My2miracles September 7th, 2012 12:27 PM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
I think it's different....

Men are blasted for not paying child support - whether they see their kids or not. The $$$ is the most important part.

On the other hand, no one seems to care that the woman doesn't pay child support but find her incredibly evil because she walked away from her kids.

Rachel September 7th, 2012 02:03 PM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by My2miracles (Post 26501889)
I think it's different....

Men are blasted for not paying child support - whether they see their kids or not. The $$$ is the most important part.

On the other hand, no one seems to care that the woman doesn't pay child support but find her incredibly evil because she walked away from her kids.

This.

We're in a situation where their mom owes us over $5,500 right now. We've have filed a contempt of court proceeding, but it's unlikely that they will put her in jail. Her license has been suspended for over 10 years already (for not paying a ticket), so there's really not much recourse.

Had it been Neely not paying? He'd already be in jail.

And I think there is definitely a double standard and I think all of us are guilty of perpetrating it to a degree. I know I am.

mom2more September 7th, 2012 02:12 PM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
I totally meant to post this on the main board! lol....I'm gonna post it there too for anyone who is not on this one.

Rachel September 7th, 2012 02:47 PM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
I can move it.

stucklikeglue September 7th, 2012 09:18 PM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
I don't really think that persay. What I don't like is when a mother wins custody it just bc shes the mom. But if the father wins custody it means the mom must be on drugs or so unhealthy she cant take care of her kid/s. I used to think that way till my ex won custody over my son. I'm a great mother. I don't do drugs barely drink but what it came down to was I was going to school and working and he owns his own business and can work whatever hours he wanted. So he had more time avail then I did.

mom2more September 7th, 2012 09:30 PM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by stucklikeglue (Post 26503822)
I don't really think that persay. What I don't like is when a mother wins custody it just bc shes the mom. But if the father wins custody it means the mom must be on drugs or so unhealthy she cant take care of her kid/s. I used to think that way till my ex won custody over my son. I'm a great mother. I don't do drugs barely drink but what it came down to was I was going to school and working and he owns his own business and can work whatever hours he wanted. So he had more time avail then I did.

I remember reading an article in a magazine a while back by a mom who lost custody. During her marriage her husband lost his job. He started being a SAHD while looking for a job. After a while he just refused to get a job. They had debt piling up and the mom started working more hours. They ended up divorcing and since he had been a SAHD and had been the one that was the primary caregiver for a long time he was awarded custody and the mom had to pay him quite a bit of money.

Stepmom2Be September 7th, 2012 11:32 PM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
For 6 years Eric was scared to try to get joint custody because he had Owen every weekend and he was always told dads only get EOW.

It took BM landing in rehab and basically abandoning her child for 6 months in order for Eric to get full, and then joint, and not worry about the outcome.

I think a lot of people think the kids are better off with mom. It's sad to me that dads only tend to get joint if mom has screwed up somehow.

I am a firm believer that a dad deserves to have just as much time with his kid as mom.

Eric believes the first few years or so, yes, mom is more important. Thats just natural. But once the kid is potty trained, has some independence, and isn't relying on mom all the time, then time with dad is equally important.

K.A.T September 8th, 2012 08:36 PM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
People are used to dads not paying their support obligations so it's all like ohh another dead beat father, what else is new. Yet, when it's a deadbeat mom...it's all she's either sick or evil, how can a mom walk away something must be wrong with the woman to do that. At times the mom can be given the benefit of the doubt while the father isn't given the same respect. People fail to realize that there are deadbeats on both sides and that the dad isn't always just a deadbeat. He could be sick too.

stresswife September 8th, 2012 09:53 PM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
I see dads get the stigma all the time, everyone feels sorry for the mom because "the dad left" when in most cases he didn't leave his child he just left the mom.
I had to end a friendship because I was just so over hearing this girls constant complaining about her "dead beat baby daddy" he pays her CS and got a good job to take care of his daughter, it just took him away a lot and she will cry to anyone who would listen how hard her life was.. 4 years later it was the same story and soooo old and annoying.

ShesaDreamer September 9th, 2012 07:54 AM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
I totally think that the moms get it easier. BM took the kids and went to FL she was gone for 6 months and DH had no contact. If it was the other way around DH would be in jail for kidnapping. We fought for 2 years to get the temporary order put in as a full order. She never cooperated and did as she was told but it was chance after chance after chance. And then when she did get clean and got her visits back the CPS worker removed the need for supervised visits after less than a month :eek: So far we haven't had any problems but I think the only thing is that she isn't primary custidian anymore so if she takes off with them then she will go to jail for kidnapping.

I also see the kids in these situations giving the moms chance after chance. I know my boys have, but when it is a dad that leaves then they are the scum of the earth.

K.A.T September 9th, 2012 02:33 PM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
I hate the stigma that goes to dads. DH was anything but a deadbeat, yet BM painted him as scum and a deadbeat to the world. The man never missed a payment, they might have been late but always paid by the end of the month, even when we had to suffer for the payments to be made.

stucklikeglue September 9th, 2012 10:05 PM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by K.A.T (Post 26508551)
I hate the stigma that goes to dads. DH was anything but a deadbeat, yet BM painted him as scum and a deadbeat to the world. The man never missed a payment, they might have been late but always paid by the end of the month, even when we had to suffer for the payments to be made.

This was us! Well dp might have been a month short and he couldn't find a job. He fought and fought with cse and all they would say is try harder. They suspended his license once, he went to cse and said all that he had to do was either pay which really honestly truthfully we had nothing to give. He sold everything of value,skipped on house payments and they said the only other thing was bm had to say she didn't want him to lose his license. She refused. How are u suppose to work with no license?!
anyways now we have custody shes behind quite a bit on cs and they do nothing to her! Its bull crud!

Keakie September 15th, 2012 11:20 AM

Re: deadbeat parents
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by plan4fate (Post 26501835)
I do.

Dead beat dads are viewed as losers. But I often see/hear "oh, she must be sick." or "the father must have done something to make her run away like that." as if no mother could ever, consider leaving her children.

I also see that in more cases fathers will get the bad rap, that once they've left they're gone, no second, or third chances. but mothers seem to be given many more chances.

This, definitely, especially the latter. There are a lot of people who confuse a man wanting out of an unhealthy marriage/wanting to be away from an unhealthy wife with wanting to be away from the whole family.


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