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mom2more September 26th, 2012 04:16 PM

A LOT of nerve.....
 
I mentioned before that bm and her 3 little kids moved in with her parents. Her parents have a 2bedroom condo. So parents have one room and she shares room #2 with 3 kids ages 6 and under. When sd was visiting the grandparents this summer bm left her abusive bf and moved in there. Before she came sd was using the 2nd bedroom, and then when bm came sd moved to the couch and shared it with one of the little kids.

BM sent me an e-mail yesterday saying that she would like to have the kids out there over Christmas Vacation and she would be willing to pay for 1 plane ticket if we pay for the other?!

Seriously, this lady has never given us $1 in child support. She has never helped pay for ANYTHING for the kids, never bought them school supplies, never done anything. Now that she is living with her parents she wants to keep in contact with the kids...fine. But expecting us to dish out nearly $300 for airfare when we are the only ones taking care of the kids....I just feel like its rude.

Not to mention she said she expects them to stay for the full 2 weeks since airfare is expensive and she doesn't get to see them often.

She doesn't see them often because she chose not to!! When she lived near us she rarely tried to see them. Then she decided to move halfway across the country from us.

Where are they going to sleep?? The couch is not a pull out. When sd stayed there she slept on it and her sister slept on the other side of it with her. So for 2 weeks sd and ss are supposed to share a couch?

K.A.T September 26th, 2012 05:56 PM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
Lots of expectations there.

Rachel September 26th, 2012 06:55 PM

What does your court order say about visitation and costs of it?

If it's not addressed in the order, I'd tell her to get bent.

Why hasn't your DH pursued child support enforcement?

mom2more September 26th, 2012 08:31 PM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
According to the court order she has no visitation. Hubby has sole custody, care, and decision making rights for the kids. He never went after child support because it would have prolonged his custody case, and to him all that was important was making sure that the kids would be with him. Since then he never bothered to go after child support because she doesn't have a pot to piss in. It would probably cost us more in legal fees than we would actually get from her. Women usually get the benefit of the doubt. She would cry poor me I have three other kids to support and a judge would order like $20 a week or something crazy. Not worth our time or money to persue.

stresswife September 26th, 2012 10:08 PM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
I would tell her to *** off! she must be joking!

mom2more September 27th, 2012 07:47 AM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
Hubby e-mailed her back and told her no. He told her that we just don't have the extra cash to send them and that she has not helped support them at all and it was a lot of her to ask us in the first place. He also told her that they have things going on during Christmas Vacation that would prevent them from being able to spending more than a few days there anyways.

Should be interesting to see her response.

Rachel September 27th, 2012 08:40 AM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mom2more (Post 26580162)
According to the court order she has no visitation. Hubby has sole custody, care, and decision making rights for the kids. He never went after child support because it would have prolonged his custody case, and to him all that was important was making sure that the kids would be with him. Since then he never bothered to go after child support because she doesn't have a pot to piss in. It would probably cost us more in legal fees than we would actually get from her. Women usually get the benefit of the doubt. She would cry poor me I have three other kids to support and a judge would order like $20 a week or something crazy. Not worth our time or money to persue.

It would cost you nothing to go through the state for them to pursue it for you. I would do it, eve if it were $20 a month. It's not about the money, I understand, it's about the principal. And if she has no visitation pursuant to the Court order, then I wouldn't give her anything.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mom2more (Post 26581225)
Hubby e-mailed her back and told her no. He told her that we just don't have the extra cash to send them and that she has not helped support them at all and it was a lot of her to ask us in the first place. He also told her that they have things going on during Christmas Vacation that would prevent them from being able to spending more than a few days there anyways.

Should be interesting to see her response.

Good! Let us know how it goes!

mom2more September 27th, 2012 09:51 AM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Rachel (Post 26581462)
It would cost you nothing to go through the state for them to pursue it for you.

Hubby tried to go that route a few years ago and the state place would not take an appointment. They wanted us to drive into the city and just sit and wait all day to get seen. Just a PITA.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rachel (Post 26581462)
And if she has no visitation pursuant to the Court order, then I wouldn't give her anything.

Hubby has tried to do what is in the best interests of the kids and let them have somewhat of a relationship with bm, though she has put them through one roller coaster ride of emotions after another. But some say that she is their bm and we just have to keep letting her try?

w292737 September 27th, 2012 10:16 AM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
here the child support is all done by paper, you never have to have an in face appt. you send in paper work and they take it from there. It costs me $50 a year, and they take it out of suppor they collect, only after they collect at least 500(I think) in support.

I'd look into it. even if it's just for the fact of the matter, and it's a seperate issue from custody so not even looked at the same.

Good luck with her response. hopefully it works it self out

mom2more September 27th, 2012 10:30 AM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by w292737 (Post 26581931)
here the child support is all done by paper, you never have to have an in face appt. you send in paper work and they take it from there. It costs me $50 a year, and they take it out of suppor they collect, only after they collect at least 500(I think) in support.

I'd look into it. even if it's just for the fact of the matter, and it's a seperate issue from custody so not even looked at the same.

Good luck with her response. hopefully it works it self out

I wish it was all done by paper here! That would make things easy. Before hubby looked into it we thought that even though we wouldn't get much from bm whatever we did get we would just put in the kids bank accounts. After he looked into it and saw what a hassle it was we decided not to bother.

pickle0313 September 27th, 2012 11:04 AM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
If it's a hassle, then I agree it's not worth the bother.

As for the visitation/plane ticket nonsense, if she has no rights to visitation/custody then sorry about her luck. What I would have said back to her is that she's welcome to take that money she was willing to spend on ONE plane ticket and purchase the ticket for her to fly THERE to see her kids. To me, that makes a lot more sense financially for both you and her, especially if she's not paying anything in way of supporting her children. (she should be able to afford it considering no bills since she's living with her parents and not paying you guys anything to support the kids) And her parents are obviously willing to help her, so they could watch her "three other kids" while she is visiting the two she's not helping support or raise in any way.

Rachel September 27th, 2012 02:20 PM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mom2more (Post 26581808)
Hubby tried to go that route a few years ago and the state place would not take an appointment. They wanted us to drive into the city and just sit and wait all day to get seen. Just a PITA.

Yeah, sounds like a PITA. It's the same way here, but I guess in the end it would be worth it to me.


Quote:

Hubby has tried to do what is in the best interests of the kids and let them have somewhat of a relationship with bm, though she has put them through one roller coaster ride of emotions after another. But some say that she is their bm and we just have to keep letting her try?
Well, I meant in this instance. I wouldn't send them to her and pay for half of the travel. If she wants to travel to you to see them, then I would allow that. I would allow phone contact, but I certainly wouldn't be footing the bill for them to travel to her when she doesn't have any court ordered access to them and hasn't paid a nickel of support since he's had them.

My2miracles September 27th, 2012 02:55 PM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
Good for your dh. If she wants to pay the entire amount then I would consider it at least for part of the vacation.

.Katie. September 27th, 2012 08:37 PM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
fyi we just spent over $700 on a one way plane ticket for the Sunday after Thanksgiving. You might want to get a run down of prices to show her before she thinks she can afford a Christmas ticket.

dri2011 September 28th, 2012 07:15 AM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
Oh wow, the nerve of this woman!! I agree with her coming there to see her kids if she REALLY wants to see them but why make an arrangement and get the kids excited if she doesn't even know if she will be able to afford a ticket during the holiday's.

As far as the child support sometimes it is more hassle than its worth but that's coming from the chick that PAYS it. My ex makes over $100k a year and is still taking child support from me even though he doesn't need it.

I think it's awesome that you all are on the same page and said no to her.

Keakie September 29th, 2012 07:19 AM

Re: A LOT of nerve.....
 
I think your dh did the right thing. :hug: Wow, what a nerve.


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